Vern's DTV Triple Header: LUNDGREN vs. SNIPES/STATHAM vs. SOME DUDE FROM TV I NEVER HEARD OF!!!

I'll definitely take a look at Missionary Man.

That is indeed what we need.

Sure hope Snipes makes it back to the big screen. Dont let Blade 3 be the death of you!

Because that's really what we wanted to see from an "I am Legend" film. The last man on Earth fighting mutants with martial arts and a wooden pole, not Will Smith getting all emotional.

might have to check this out if he's anything like the Pheonix.

And I can't believe Dolph arrives on a dragon!

Oh, I've just checked again and Dragon was option E not D. My mistake.

Now that's heroics!

That and all the crackpots on the tbs. Although now they've got rid of M-O-M and GABRIEL GRAY, it's a little bit saner.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE?!! DO YA? WHEN I'M FIGHTING THIS WAR, I KICK ASS, YOU KISS ASS, AND I'M BUSTING HEADS!! And these.. SHITHEADS, These yellow, traitoring motherfuckers.... they're everywhere. And I, Sargeant Andrew Scott of the US Army, I'm gonna teach em....... all........"

We should have regular DTV action round-ups from Vern. Maybe don't give away all the cool deaths though... not that I'm likely to ever watch any of these, being honest.

One of the many injustices that still exist in today's society.

That movie also featured almost no dynamic or charisma or fighting between two leads known for their personas and fighting. Will Jason Statham only fight unknowns? Is that it? Put him up against somebody I've heard of and he just resorts to shooting or something.

The wierd part about WAR is that there is a major twist involving the identity of Jet Li's character and Jet Li actually plays the part consistantly through the WHOLE film, not acting charismatically badassed until the big reveal and then suddenly acting damaged and hurt like a "twist" movie usually involves. I guess this is one time when I would actually have prefered weaker less consistant acting as it could've result in some good tough talkin' between the leads and maybe some more fighting. Same goes for Statham, there's a big reveal with him feeling immense guilt, and he actually plays it that way the whole movie. Statham does an okay job at playing a divorced corrupt cop dealing with regret failure and guilt, but I would've prefered his usual brand of smartassed toughguy because this movie was never going to be HEAT, but it could've been TRANSPORTER VERSUS JET LI.

I actually think WAR could've been a better movie if had been done worse if that makes sense. They had a good supporting cast of C-list all-stars including C-list queen Devon Aoki (2 Fast 2 Furious, DEBS, DOA: Dead or Alive) and the Yojimbo stuff with Jet Li playing the Triads against Yakuza in the first half was pretty intriguing plot-wise and a good set up for lots of action and hammy dialogue. But they kept the dialogue and action too conservative and realistic. I liked Jet Li killing a guy with a hub cap, but we needed more stuff like that and more Demolition Man level dialogue.

thats all.

Just like that crappy One movie with them. I don't exactly remember, but didn't they NOT fight in that one too? Maybe Jet just kicked the gun out of Statham's hand or something?

Mind you, if you had a situation where a guy is developing superman speed and strength from every alternate he murders, don't you think you should do more than send send just Statham and Delroy Lindo to try and stop him. You know, like a whole squad of people at the very least?

so awesome

"Up the butt, Bob."

Which film is it the girl takes it in the ass?

Since poor Wesley Snipes appears to be heading off along the path blazed by Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts - the path of talented actors making do with material far below their capabilities - I say the three of them get together and make some kind of ultimate badass film about three hard as fuck guys fighting crime and punching people and smoking cigars and whatnot. I would totally watch it. For symmetry's sake, there should be a three man team of villains, but played by lesser actors. Dean Cain, Casper Van Dien, and... um... let's say, C Thomas Howell.

I think this idea could work. Any other story suggestions? Obviously, motorcycles will be involved, as will the drinking of neat liquor straight from the bottle. Also, at some point I figure one of our three heroes will set some petrol on fire with a lit cigar. Help me out here, AICN types.

P.S. for Shan - Vern's I Am Legend review is up at his site (by which I mean sight, of course) if you want to check it out.

At this line - ''It's not terrible but nobody would remember it by the time they got home from the theater. At least now they can watch it and already be home so they will remember it at home for a short period of time.''

man I was JUST thinking last night about writing a movie aobut a former seminary student who gets tired of drug dealers in his neighborhood and starts off with hitting one with a baseball bat and then this morning I read about Dolph's flick MAN! oh well back to the drawing board...or maybe I should just stick with being a critic because you know what they say, those that can't critize

Franklin great concept, also C Thomas Howell needs to be caught and tortured by our trio whcich would include a cigar to the back or balls or something

I think Shan was looking for Vern's "I Am Omega" review with Mark Dacascos (who I think is also due for some more big screen time)...and not a review for I Am Legend.

Thanks Mr Marmoset, I must check out Vern's site again sometime soon. Fiverabbit is of course correct.

That is an excellent point that you make regarding the creation of these DTV epics. Would you agree that the task is similar to that of Harry Stamper to NEEDED to make 800 feet of drilling before he could get the hell out of that rock in Armageddon? Alas, for poor Harry, he did not make it off the rock, staying the ensure that the nuke went off...

This is what happens when I fall out of the loop for a bit.

In the interest of research, I have now been to the Youtube and watched the I Am Omega trailer, and I would like to say that I, too, am now anxiously awaiting Vern's review of this quickie knockoff starring Mark Dacascos fighting zombies with a stick. Also, possibly nunchucks, a previously unexplored method of dealing with the undead, I think. The film will probably be shit, but Vern's review should be good.

Is it wrong for me to look forward to a review more than the film itself?

In a fit of boredom, my search for info on I Am Omega lead me to the website of production company Asylum Home Entertainment. Holy shit, I want to work for these guys. They just crank out knockoffs of all manner of genre crap and, presumably, sit back back and watch the money roll in. Writing these kinds of films is the perfect job for me.

Other recent Asylum releases include Snakes On A Train and Alien Vs Hunter (starring Dedee Pfeiffer but with her name mis-spelled on the front of the box!). How cool are these guys? They can't even be bothered to spell the name of a semi-famous actress who has a much more famous sister with the exact same last name properly!

I am absolutely sending a CV to the fellows. Spandau Belly, I suggest you do the same.

I liked it. It was good. Not great, but entertaining and I guess it would have made its money in theatres, whithout being a blockbuster.

I've given your idea some thought and come up with an idea convoluted and rigged for action enough to be a DTV classic:

TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP

Our three lead heroes are a small gang of bikers who hunt serial killers vigilante style. I think Eric Roberts needs to be the leader of the pack with a shady special forces past. Later we find out that he used to be in the FBI but lost faith in the system and went vigilante. Dolph can be an illegal Russian immigrant who is drawn to the group simply because after seeing the corruption of many political systems he now only believes in personal justice. Snipes will play an extreme sports enthusiast who is drawn to the group out of hopes of getting revenge on the serial killer who killed his daughter.

The film will open with the team tracking a serial killer (C Thomas Howell) who enjoys skydiving. Snipes will go on a jump with the killer and confront him mid air about his killings and then inform him that his parachute is sabotaged and leave him to die. The group go out to celebrate their latest collar by hard drinking at a strip club (obviously). Then an FBI SWAT team show up and our team kicks their asses but then notices a bunch of laser sights on them so they raise their hands and smarmy FBI director Falco (Dean Cain) enters and says all he wants to do is talk to Eric Roberts. The two go into a back room and Falco tells Roberts that he doesn't like his biker crew making the FBI look bad and taking their collars, he goes on to threaten them and says he will frame them for some of the crimes they've solved unless they bring in the killer who killed Snipes's daughter alive and let the FBI take the credit.

The rest of the film will involve them hunting the serial killer who killed Snipes's daughter (Danny Trejo), and lead the FBI right to him. But Trejo escapes and takes a whole office building hostage, so Snipes has to infiltrate the building using rock-climbing skills on the surface of the skyscraper and kill Trejo personally. Meanwhile Roberts and Dolph take out FBI Director Falco by riding motorcycles right into FBI headquarters and wasting loads of agents and ultimately whipping Falco out the window where he lands impaled on a monument.

http://tinyurl.com/2235b3

and missionary man sounds fun.

...he does the hard work of watching these movies so we don't have to.

words to live by, pal.

if I ever heard one. The involvement of some bad Fed makes it bigger in scope, but not too big. We wouldn't want that in a DTV movie of course.

as the evil ENFORCER of Falco!He could have a hefty hand to hand with Dolph.Of course Hulk only shows up for the fight,when Dolph and Eric come in Falco`s office,Hulk is there and says something classy like:"Let me handle this boss!"then looks at Dolph and starts growling!

Dolph always appears to be having a sincerely good time making films, something that I think elevates them above other movies like this. Dolph's PUNISHER and I COME IN PEACE are two of my all-time favorite B-movies.

My money is on Cannon. As a kid I knew I was getting my money's worth with that studio...

small town is rampaged by thugs who want a casino? Oh how our society has fallen when the likes of Buford Pusser has been replaced by Dolf Lundgren.

Direct To YouTube ™

Oh and we need a romantic interest for Eric Roberts...let's see Eric Roberts did Mariah Carey a favour by appearing in her videos a couple of years ago. She'd be perfect for this movie since she can't act and she's got big melons...and she could be Dean Cains sister to add an unpredictable complexity to the script.

I've heard you mention it a bunch of times in your reviews and I'm never sure what the heck an "avid fart" is. Can you help me out?

Thanks for asking. An Avid fart is an annoying editing technique that involves flashing through a bunch of frames or sped up shots, usually accompanied by a "whoosh" or "thoooom" or "choooonk" sound effect. I believe it was originally used for things like in that Lance Henriksen TV show Millennium when he had a psychic vision. But then they started using it just as a meaningless transition between scenes in many movies and TV shows, because they think it adds production value or style. But it really just makes it seem shitty.

I call it the Avid fart because Avid is the name of the first commonly used digital editing system, and it's this technology that has made Avid farts easy. So editors with no self control start pushing buttons thinking they are adding to the movie by throwing in all kinds of annoying crap that does not add to the movie.

Sorry I had to explain this. I use the term alot because I'm trying to trick people into thinking it's part of their daily lexicon.

I feel smarter. Thanks.

I'm there!

great treatment right there, but you forgot the aformentioned love intrest, but the Mariah Carey suggestion was killer, but I don't know if she'd get nekkid and that's what this needs, also we need at least one explosion casued by the cigars as Franklin orgianlly mentioned...and I still think a torture scene with a cigar to the balls is needed

Franklin thanks for the heads up Asylum, crap now I want to work for them

or maybe we could just start our own film production company surely there is some rich bored TBer out there willing to pony up for TalkBack Productions?

What happened to Gallowwalker? This definitely is going DTV so they should make history and make it the first Hi-Def DTV. That'll get Wesley's name in the papers for something other than tax evasion.

I finally watched URBAN JUSTICE and was not disappointed. Guess I'll have to take a run at MISSIONARY MAN now.

I'll probably watch that one at one point. Poor Mr. Snipes. He deserves better.

You guys have some great suggestions for fleshing out this story. I was originally thinking of modelling the Dean Cain character 'Falco' after the villain in Ultraviolet, who was a smug pencil-pushing posh-dressing professional bureaucrat but also suddenly a master samurai when the plot required a big swordfight at the end. But I also like the idea of Hulk Hogan showing up as his goon. Especially if you never see him before. In a good movie you'd have Hogan always standing behind Falco with his arms crossed or something, but I think it would be more DTV to just suddenly add a key henchman at the end, like we could only afford him for one day or something.

I also think there's plenty of room for our crew of badasses to toture snitches with cigars for info while they hunt down Trejo. Maybe they could torture a bar owner on his own bar and then when he finally gives up the information Roberts chucks a cigar at the shelves of whiskey behind the bar and they ignite, followed by some one-liner like "This is one hot club."

The love interest is easy to write in. We just make her a stripper at the club at the begining. Mariah Carey would be pretty funny, and somebody mentioned the need for big knockers and I figured we could get Keeley Hazell or Gemma Atkinson for the added bonus of a a bad English actress trying to fake a dodgy Yank accent.

Thanks for your suggestions guys. Someday when I'm an advanced trash auteur I'll bring you all with me as consultants.

From what I remember the majority of there films were theatrical

I still say there has got to be some TBer out there who just won the lottery and instead of spending it on cheap hookers has got to want to go into the DTV buisness...I'm telling ya TalkBack Pictures is GOLD BABY GOLD

Same vanishing act he pulled to elude the IRS. His new tag line, when confronrted by the bad guys, is "You're all racists" (he tried-out that line in Florida...didn't work very well).

..lights the gasoline/fuse with his cigar he needs to quip. "I told you smoking is bad for you." That line is paramount.

from a big Blockbuster,maybe for a total Badass action scene,where the main carakters wear the same clothes like the dudes in the other movie(like they did with some Treat Williams DTV,where he looks like Arnie in Last Action Hero)!It needs to be from a biker movie(maybe Vern`s favorite Stone Cold),so we could involve some big explosions for almost zip!And it would be total DTV!And dont forget a voice over from Roberts to explain some shit like:"I was sick of letting the Psychos get away,so I droped my Shield and fired up my Harley...".And THE WURST BROTHERS need to do the score(the dudes really exist,experts for DTV,they did the score for the never released FF4 movie)!Thanks for your time.

In at least one scene. And a plain grey trenchcoat. Every villian needs a turtleneck/trenchcoat scene.

..where our three guys are walking towards the camera and the bar is blowing up behind them. Essential shot and that's probably the money shot for this movie.

Probably not a wise financial move, but this is for art.

He's played a lot of villians in his career, so my brain immediately made the assumption. I apologize to the Roberts family for my mistake.

So I think Roberts could still pull it off.

He is like our headwriter.Maybe VERN himself has some chops there!

Jesus, I'm fucking up left and right around here.

I am out guys!Keep it up,I see some DTV-sequel potential here!Like:Two-Lane Blood-Top2:The Usbekian Connection!(some NUKE smuggling shit,you know the drill)!Good Night Ladies and Gents!

Better late than never.

Missionary Man 2: DOGGIESTYLE Missionary Man 3: REVERSE COWGIRL

But some fucking hack could be reading this and before you know it TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP will be opening in theaters all across the country, starring Tom Cruise or some shit.

Thanks to all for the suggestions. Once again, Mr Belly, you know how to work that DTV-style magic. My only worry now is it seems like Mickey Rourke is being left out of the mix, and he deserves better than that.

I say make him a grizzled former motorcycle stunt rider who now fights crime on a bike that has twin chainsaws where the headlights are supposed to be. Also, he smokes cigars and drinks neat liquor and hangs out at strip clubs. Obviously. During the course of the film we will discover that Rourke's wife was having an affair with Danny Trejo shortly before Trejo brutally murdered her. Now, Rourke is out for revenge on the guy who both fucked and killed his wife. It is a rough and conflicted road for Mickey Rourke.

P.S. Maybe I'm a little drunk without realising it, but this seems like a pretty good idead to me. I would definitely watch this film.

But looks like Trejo needs some Psycho partner(four on one is too much!),maybe....SEAGAL!IMAGINE THAT GUYS!Seagal going psycho with his mumbling voice and slow but deadly moves,THATs DTV`s FINEST allstar cast!And the dudes will star for DTV prices!Man great stuff here!

If only the people who make shitty DTV flicks had an ounce of the creativity that you folks have. Instead we've got to suffer through shit like BOA VS. PYTHON 2: RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE.

Except they'll probably pussy out and release it theatrically.

Probably just another airplane glue-induced hallucination.

We're always moaning about films and whatnot - this is shit, that's shit, Chris Klein is a douche, etc. It would be a lark, I reckon, to try writing a screenplay as a community and see if it's any good. Everyone from the TB pitching in with ideas and whatnot. I wonder what would happen?

Obviously, the Chris Klein problem is beyond our control, but maybe we could end up with a pretty decent trashy load of nonsense with Wesley Snipes in it. That would be pretty damn cool.

...then you should expect to get Don "The Dragon" Wilson. I hear he works for food.

We could take a run at my "DIE HARD in space" movie, ASTRONAUT COP.

orderly manner.And a Rourke/Seagal fight would be the SHIT!

Must know a rich old meiser who is easily coerced into doing insane shit like financing a movie dreamed up by action nerds with only the faintest grasp on the English language.

It could use some Moog ARPish John Carpenter-style sounds.

like from Poison or Europe for the opening when Roberts quits his FBI job!And of course when the credits start to roll we need some Motorhead rippoff song!

...soon somebody's gonna say there should be a guy in a gorilla suit masturbating on Bridget the Midget while everybody runs around real fast like Benny Hill and Danny Trejo should crap a solid gold turd right into Hillary Clinton's mouth as the Dating Game theme plays.

So I was that guy.

I miss the dude!They should call it:AvP3:the Benny Tapes.The Predator and The Aliens chase each other,running in circles and every now and then the Predator stops and snogs an Alien on the bald head,then they start running again(but faster this time),then they stop and a Alien kicks the Predator in the arse,then running again...(imagine that with the great YACKETI-SAX tune from the Benny Hill show)!Should be more fun then AvP2!

Maybe one can play the guitar with his face, like Howard the Duck at the end of HOWARD THE DUCK.

Even at the Clover TB is nothing.

It's about time somebody put that song to good use. Ewok guitar solo, that's what I'm thinking.

My magical midget powers have no effect!

As the heroes prepare for the final confrontation with the bad guys. Lots of close-ups of sweaty biceps as they lift weights and swap motorcycle transmissions or something.

...with them exchanging high fives.

magical midget powers!Use them on the Clover TB or at Sly TB!Here is the realm of the MIGHTY DTV!

Eye See You DTV. It looked promising, but I haven't seen it and would like to know if it's worth it or not.

DTV.Sly`s in it,they had some money.It is no Gold but solid timekiller movie.

Thats 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

...while it was playing in another room. My findings were inconclusive.

You guys really understand this artform. I like the ideas of having pointless narration from the Roberts character, and I agree with Franklin that Mickey Rourke should be in on this, so maybe we can have Rouke actually do Roberts's narration track. I remember in Vern's Seagalogy he talked about a movie where it was clearly not Seagal's voice during narration moments and that would add an extra level of entertainment.

I also like the classic DTV move of using scraps from other movies, so maybe Dean Cain could also have an internal monologue track assembled from Harrison Ford's Blade Runner narration. And of course all the explosions and shots of helicopters and stuff will be re-used scraps from whatever.

I like the way you guys all chipping in your ideas makes this like a real DTV film where all the stupid financiers get to have their wish shoehorned into the plot and the result is a more convaluted and bloated film. Maybe we can even add a poitnless flashbacks of Dolph's career as a Soviet assassin who was betrayed by his own government. But we'd have to do it total DTV flashback style where you keep getting the same flashback throughout the movie but with one extra detail each time the flashback occurs. Most DTV heroes' flashbacks result in you seeing the same fucking footage six times by the end of the movie. And it has to be shot in blurry bleached-out shakey cam with lots of whooshing noises puntuacted by ominous rumbling booms. Maybe even re-use some of the stuff from Van Damme's IN HELL. That movie had lots of good whooshy repetative flashbacks that contributed nothing but running time.

And I will gladly accept Stuntcock Mike's original John Carpenteresque score. Feel free to sample old Nintendo games. I would be honoured if our production actually reached the level of recognition to get sued by whatever elderly Japanese man wrote the midi songs for MegaMan 2 or Double Dragon or whatever.

or at least play someone who shows fair amounts of cleavage. And by fair, I mean lots.

"I'm driving." "Where am I going?" "I don't know, but she does." "She says we need gas, and you know what? She's right." "Dead right." She doesn't know it yet, but it's the last stop she'll ever make." Maybe throw in a line from Naked Gun, "She had the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day"

market for minimum 10years!People will whisper his name in dark streets,gangsters will watch it,some RAP dude will have a Poster of it shown in "CRIBS" and then....TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP SPECIAL TWO DISC EDITION UNRATED CUT!With never before seen footage of Hogan growling,Dolph`s flashback uncut(it is the same of course,just with some shots from Red Scorpion added)and a BRANDNEW ending where our Heroes leave the FBI HQ through the backdoor instead of the frontdoor and get gunned down in a violent way with Roberts narrating something like:"I knew when I dropped my SHIELD,I would not getaway clean!"Fade to black with gunfire and grunts(Rourke is a master grunter!).

Funny reviews, I will probably rent all 3 whenever im not so broke..When are we getting a trailer for the zombie western- gallowwalker (I think its called)movie?I hope the snipes curse didnt screw up the chances of that being released in theaters or at all for that matter.

There must also be at least one flashback to a scene that happened only two minutes earlier. This is another DTV staple (URBAN JUSTICE being the most recent example that I can think of).

That Eric Roberts narration is some funny shit.

He is in *The Dark Knight*, after all...and I still contend that I liked him better as "The Master" in *Doctor Who* than John Simm in the same role... Plus, you shouldn't mess with a guy that is so powerful that his loins produces a babe as hot as Emma Roberts. That's some mojo there.

She actually wrote an article in some magazine I read talking about her odessy of getting implants and then debating getting them removed and when she went to have them removed they found a tumor and she now no longer has her hallmark rack/career.

However I'd be happy to enlist Susan Ward to play one of those 'CSI' type FBI agents who wear a black power suit with no blouse and her implants pushed up to her chin and her long hair never tied back but is treated with total professional respect accept for maybe one scene where some thug calls her "lil' girl" and she quickly squeezes his nuts and retorts "You shouldn't be callin' anybody little, tiny." and he winces to show that he knows he has small balls.

And thanks Mr. Caruso for the DTV classic flashback that is really just reusing scenes from earlier in the film. That's a must. Especially when you replay an action scene from earlier and take out the cheesy electric guitar music that was supposed to make the violence cool earlier and now in the flashback replace it with a juxtaposed stark piano cords and the echoed distant sound of children playing so that this time the scene plays with a "haunting" tone.

Anyway, I'm off to a rap concert now. I'll maybe see you guys tomorrow, but in all likelyhood when I go back to work on Monday. Cheers

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=93569475

I wonder what Rap concert Spandau has gone to?

That sucks. Is Dana Plato available?(kidding)

So hot.

Would like to hear your tune man.Cool you do that shit!

Go to MySpace. Click on music. Type COLD MONK into search. Only one result should come up. That's my music page. You'll know right away because the first song is called TWO LANE BLOOD TOP.

So slow.

That is the right score for the opening when Trejo drives up to the house of Snipes to kill his wife!Fine work!And you are right,the site kills me too,it is getting worse and worse!

More to follow. I'm packing it in for the evening though, this bogged down site is frustrating the shit outta me. Goodnight all. Back in the morning. Keep the faith.

Roberts=James W. Marshall

Lundgren=Oleg Kuzmin

Snipes=Larry Y. Washington

Rourke=Brad Armstrong

Trejo=Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez

Cain=Spec.Agent Whitemoore

sorry guys!It is:FBI Director M.Falco(M=Mitchel,but in DTV such dudes never have firstnames).

O.k. see you tommorow.

Jake Busey as the psycho, Law & Order type prisoner who fills in the missing pieces of the puzzle when offered a plea bargain. Rutger Hauer as the Kingpin that delivers the long winded but meaningfull monolougue at the films climax. And Patrick Lussier, king of DTV, as director.

ok as I work at a newspaper as a movie reviwer I will offer my services as publicity for TalkBack Studios/Pictures/Productions whatever it's called

I honestly think that this has some potential and am also willing to pony up some cash, not a lot as I'm poor, but am willing to pony up

as an expirement you know DTV might just be the way to go

some other thoughts. I was telling a buddy of mine, who cannot appreciate a good DTV, about this and he just shook his head then proceeds to tell me that someone needs to make a movie about the Mexian Mafia and the Triad fighting against each other, so I think we need to incorparte one or the other in there. I don't remember where Spandu set the movie but it has to be either in the SW or Cali where it unexplaininly has a large FBI building for Dir. Falco. Finally I think we need to have Cynthia Rothrock as Mickey Rourke or Wesley Snipes wife, the one that has the affair with Danny Trejo. She hasn't done a movie since 2004 (I looked) so she might work pretty cheap

about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or something

about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or something

Also Jeffery Falcon from Six String Samurai needs to be in this somewhere too

That is some serious Carpenter-esque shit, man. It immediately forms an image of this film in your mind. Danny Trejo has to be introduced with an EXTREME FUCKING CLOSE-UP on his eyes, as an homage to ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.

Nice, travis-dane. Very nice.

my keyboard sucks, i won't fix the youur

Imagine the hefty hand to hand with her and Trejo`s "El Diablo Locco",where she does her trademark"dude is holdig me from behind and I kick him over the shoulder in the face"move!And the violent death to a DTV ICON like Cynthia Rothrock would shake the SHIT up from the start(Trejo only wins by cheating of course)!And then everytime Snipes remembers her,there is a flashback of her being cheated to death by Trejo!We are getting some deep DTV love here guys!

Sounds a little like Ethan Hunt(DTV loves to ripoff names)!And he is narrating something like:"My name`s Hunter,but my friends only call me THE Hunter,because I hunt the scumbags down that THEY let get away,I even dropped my SHIELD for it!"We need more of that.

Someone start fleshing out the narrative. We must do this!

See ya later Gents!

In keeping with the whole DTV theft of ideas theme: "I only have four words to describe this movie. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!"

Remember that Eurythmics song with Annie Lennox as a robot?

You guys are really fleshing this thing out. I originally had the setting of a desert like Arizona in mind for most of the road scenes and obviously the city stuff at the end will be shot in Vancouver, but I guess we could act like it's L.A.

As for the names, I liked the idea Roberts being called Nathan Hunter, but here are my suggestions:

Roberts - Randy Buckler

Dolph - Nikolai (no last name)

Snipes - Ponner Bounce

Susan Ward - Agent Greys, agents never have first names in these movies.

Gemma Atikinson - Saphire Perkins(a good stripper name)

Trejo - they'll just refer to him by his serial killer name "The Alchemist", it sounds like a good cheesy Zodiac Killer knockoff to me. We could have the FBI characters do one of those expository briefing sessions and Falco says "The Alchemist" earned his name because he thinks he's 'curing' people by torturing them to death and Agent Greys (Susan Ward) can retort "I'd like a few hours in one of our interogation rooms to 'cure' him."

As for the idea of Triads versus Mexicans, let's save that for the sequel TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP 2: RAMPAGE ROAD. I think it would be cool if Mexicans were helping smuggle Chinese immigrants into the States by hiding them in pinatas. But one of the head Triad guys is a sadistic serial killer in his spare time, and so our crew of badassed heroes kill him. This results in the Triad not paying the Mexicans on time so the Mexicans smash the pinatas with the illegal immigrants still inside and war breaks out on the streets of Mexico.

I think we could actually write this sequel by taking the scripts for INTO THE SUN and LETHAL WEAPON 4 and just shuffling the pages like playing cards. And since its set in Mexico and has shooting, Robert Rodriguez would get involved and therefore we could count on some slumming from known actors like Bruce Willis or Antonio Banderas. Rodriguez also worked with Jordana Brewster on The Faculty, so maybe we could have her as Roberts's estranged half-Mexican daughter who is somehow caught up in all of this. Maybe make her an inocent pinata artist who knows that if she stopped making smuggling pinatas the Mexican mob would kill her. Even if she won't be in the movie, maybe I could just have her phone number.

I went to see a rapper called Kid Sister. She was pretty good, if you like oldschool chick rappers like Salt n Peppa. There were two opening acts, a DJ pair that did good scratchy-scratch techno stuff that reminded me of my teenage days as a raver, and this other rap guy calling himself Heineken Root, he seemed like a total poser and his voice was too high to be a regular rapper but not high enough to be Mark "Return of the Mack" Morrison or Curtis Mayfield or somebody whose high voice is their trademark.

Really.Hope he comes to Usbekistan someday.

Just picturing that guy sitting at his computer, getting more pissed by the second as a bunch of nerds ask him who he could beat up, etc.

That's a bitchin' tune, Stuntcock. "Washington Is A Punk" sounds like a techno beat could come in at any time. And the picture of Eric Roberts next to "Prelude To A Gunfight" makes me nervous. And the song is good, too. Will there be a spanish influence on the music, at some point? I mean, you got the desert, motorcycles, Danny Trejo. And, of course, crunchy metal guitars so we know that what's happening onscreen is really awesome.

i hope he starts going theatrical, if he keeps his "log dragging" in DTV he eventually will i say!

Movie starts with Stuntcock`s tune and a extreme Closeup to Trejos eyes.As the camera pulls back we see he`s driving down a street in Suburbia(in a 88`s Chevy,brown),then he stops in front of a house(nice family house,green grass,toys laying around...),gets out of the car,wears black boots,leatherpants and nothing else!He`s sweating(it is hot in suburbia)and looks around,reaches back in the car and comes up with a Machete!Some kids see him and run away.He starts moving towards the house.Stuntcock`s tune ends,as we are in the house and Trejo kicks in the door from the outside,as he walks in we see a BIG devilface tattooed on his back!Then we see Rothrock standing in the livingroom.She looks like she knew he was coming,they stare at each other for 3-4 seconds then start to move slowly,circling each other.Then they get in a nasty fight,the whole livingroom gets wasted(one of them falls through the glass table,one crashes the Plasma...),no music,just grunting and the sound of fists hitting flesh.Rothrock disarms Trejo with some fancy tripple legkick and roundhouse kicks him through the panorama window(in slomo)!She`s pretty confident now and jumps out too,just to see him lying flat on the face,then we hear a kid cry,Rothrock turns her head(slomo starts again),Trejo rolls around and sports a HUGE handgun(we know he had none before,DTV magic),a sixshooter and creams her(all bullets of course,huge bloodshet...)!As she starts to fall Stuntcock`s tune starts again and a Flashback beginns(we see her arguing with Snipes about the affair she has with this "mexican gangster",she yells at him for never being around,he loves his extreme sports more then her and his son and she fucks with Trejo because she likes danger too(!),Snipes is shocked,grabs the kid and leaves).When the FB ends she hits the ground.We see from her perspective Trejo`s face coming to frame,as he says:"No BITCH leaves El Diablo Locco!",then he spits blood on her face and leaves(we hear a car driving away fast),Rothrock whispers the name of Snipes and dies with blood coming out of her mouth.

Cut to

The Funeral!The Main guys are all there(except Rourke,he comes in later).The narration from Roberts starts,as the camera slowly pans across the faces of them,he says:"Back then we all believed in our justice system,but that is long gone...". As he speaks we see a montage of the three standing in front of a Courtroom and Trejo walks by with a big grin on his face talking to his lawyer(getting away with the kill,because somebody messed up some paperwork and the system does not work in DTV).The narration continues:"That day we started doing JUSTICE our way"!As they walk away from the funeral the ROCK music starts for the main titles,they start the Harleys and drive off in formation(they allways drive in fomation on DTV)!

That all should take place in the first 10 minutes before the main titles.After the main titles we learn that 2 years passed since the kill and we are right in the middle of the parachuting action with C.Thomas Howell!

That is my take on the start,I would like to see some more parts of you fellas,for the rest of the movie.

This music is amazing. If I had a car I'd drive around listening to it. I do have an Xbox and a car game, so I can play that with your music. You're very talented.

I can definately picture 'Prelude to a Gunfight' playing as Roberts and Dolph roll up on the FBI headquarters with Roberts's Terminator 2 knockoff narration:

"We were writing our own destiny with our balls, a pen that never runs out. We knew there there was a good chance one or both or neither of us would come out of there alive. But Falco has to be stopped. He's as much a threat to the innocence of freedom and the freedom of mankind as any of the sorry sacks my crew and I have put down during these many years of hard justice and lonely nights. We were in the beast's backyard, and we sure as shit weren't going to leave without pissing on his Slip-n-slide."

Roberts looks at Dolph and asks "You ready, commrade?", Dolph replies "I was concieved ready."

But no last name, even during his flashbacks to his days in the Red Army, his military supreriors will even call him only by his (common) first name.

But I want Snipes to have a first name that ends in 'er' like Trucker or Shover or Thrower. Kicker Washington has a nice ring to it.

Then that means Mickey will have to be the guy getting revenge for his daughter. I've just been reading through all this and it is one long and twisting road. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.

He stepped on his first skateboard when he was four years old and he's been doing it ever since. Snowboarding, base-jumping, extreme jump-rope. He's done it all. He holds the record for the most consecutive broken bones. He was even shot out of a cannon once.

Stuntcock:great tunes,but do one with heavy guitar riffs.

caruso:Snipes outline is gold!And the Rourke thing can be worked out(It is DTV!everything goes)

Spandau:Oleg rules(and for the man VERN,without him none of this madness would have happend!)Give us the fletched out parachute action scene.

Could Agent Greys be Hunter's old partner/protégé/lover? It would add a personal angle to our heroes doing the FBI's work for them. Greys could resent Hunter for how he "turned his back on the system."

You know we need it!With cheezy piano music.

The FBI wants our boys to track down Trejo, right? Well what if they also wanted them to bring in C. Thomas Howell? The problem, of course, being that Snipes has already killed him in a skydiving "accident." Of course, Howell will not truly be dead. This can be explained in any number of ways. None that will actually reveal how he survived the fall, though.

of a good idea to leave out!:-)

I'll get to work.

That, my friend, is the best line of dialog I have ever heard.

I'll work on both. Anyone have any other ideas? I need a project to keep me busy.

Stuntcock,you are digging up some gold there brotha(Hulk Hogan voice)!When your soundtrack is done,I have to use it for my RPG group,hope you dont mind?

Hulk Hogan shall be credited as "Babe, Falco's Enforcer."

Another brilliant line from Spandau Belly.

No problem

so everybody thinks he will be around all the time(old DTV trick),hehe.

Guys it is 2.30 in the morning here,where is the DTV love.

And the DTV love is in my pants.

what about the hefty hand to hand with Hogan and Dolph?Give us some caruso gold here!i am really tired...cant come up with own stuff,so give me some fine moments here Gents.

This fight will be juxtaposed with the Eric Roberts/Dean Cain fight, which is the most personal of the two because Roberts taught Dean Cain everything he knows. More on that later. Anyway, Dolph and Hogan's fight will take place on one floor. Since they will be fighting through offices and shit (sometimes throwing each other through walls) they will utilize whatever is at hand. They hurl computers at each other, break dozens of those swiveling office chairs. Hogan could actually use one of these chairs to smack Dolph through a bulletin board, or perhaps a window. They might even end up in the bathroom where they will throw each other through bathroom stalls, knocking over a partition and revealing a middle-aged guy taking a shit. The guy jumps up and gets the hell out of there. Then Dolph shoves Hogan's head in the shit-filled toilet and holds it there until he expires. Then Dolph goes over to a sink and (as a tribute to Vern) washes his hands.

...have to double team Danny Trejo, as they have both lost loved ones to his homicidal activities.

and the tribute to Vern cracked me up!I assume your "More on that later" means you work on something huge there for the DTV classic TLBT!

I just have two words: Chainsaw fight.

that should be the point where the Psycho partner of Trejo enters the picture,I am talking about.....SEAGAL!In a Flashback is revealed how he used his Black-OP`s skills to cover up for Trejo and only then we learn that it was him who killed Rourke`s daughter(he mumbles:"she was a sweet girl,but Buddha called for her")and then goes on to use his nifty Aikido moves to kill Rourke(one of them has to die)and disappear mysteriosly from the rooftop(sets him up for the lead Bad guy in part 2).

The actual dialogue should be "She was a sweet girl but, uh, Buddha called for her." [cocky head twitch]

Trejo would have to be a loner by nature. And only a brother would cover up for such a scumbag

How does Jebediah Hess sound?

Dean Cain should be DEPUTY Director Falco. The corrupt fuckers are always just below the guy in charge.

insane this Seagal = Trejo's half-brother shit is!That is the true spirit of DTV(serious),that idea NAILS it so good it hurts!And what a twist!When it came to be a real movie every DTV fan would go nuts(positive).I am amazed how much true DTV is flying around here!Thats what happens when TB`s let it flow!DTV-GOLD!I wish we could pull a Uwe Boll and find some dudes to do it!

put an F.in for FRITZ and I buy it(it is not importent,but it kills the credits).

"Mom says hi" or some shit. Just something to let the audience know that they're brothers. Or we can got the extra DTV mile and have there be a fifteen minute scene of exposition with flashbacks that stops the movie dead in its tracks.

See ya later!

That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about childhood.

That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about his childhood.

Lets see what the others make of it!night!

danny should play twins, one a drug lord, the other a dea officer, seperated at birth, I'd watch that.

hes in every movie ever made.

including a trip to the moon, by melies.

and cary hiroyuki takanawa.

it was a murder mystery, like seven.

someone was carving "GOTTA EAT!" and "I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH.." into the bodies of talkbackers, and harry, quint and vern were all dead, quint fed to sharks, harry tied to a chair and forced to watch american godzilla till his eyes bled etc.

all the talkbackers are suspects, and the survivour are not going to cooperate, because they disagree about how bad the movie transformers designs are.

after a while at the alamo, survivors are rounded up by a showing big trouble in little china on the big screen, with kurt russell doing a Q+A after, then the trouble begins as a duststorm rages outside and the nerds from aicn are stuck in a room, waiting out the storm and the killer..

john carpenter is first choice director, mcweeny would provide the script, harry would give praise to the script, etcetera.

maybe if TLBT makes cash, this could be our second film!

correction

DEA Agent Frank Reyes (Danny Trejo) has spent years tracking an infamous drug dealer known only as The Ghost. He has never been photographed and no one outside of the inner circle of his drug cartel has ever seen his face. Reyes is finally pushed over the edge when his ex-partner (Josh Duhamel, television's "Las Vegas") is brutally slain by members of the cartel, while on assignment in Bogotá. Reyes then begins his quest for revenge, turning in his shield and plunging head first into the underworld of the Colombian drug trade. It quickly becomes apparent, however, that all may not be as it seems. For the face that has haunted him... the face that he has been pursuing for ten years... is the face he SEES IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY.

chuck norris plays the president.

if, y'know there are any good scenes for the president in the movie i.e. vietnam flashback of steven and danny being given purple harts for saving an entire village of hot naked babes, and maybe afterwards, steven throws his medal into a lake in alaska, where he went to live as a medicine man after 'nam.

also, cary hiroyuki takanawa would play a serial killer who speaks only in sound bytes ["lucy, you got sum splainin ta do!"] called mister prophet.

I would watch the FUCK outta that!

check soon.

This thing is getting complicated as hell, even for DTV standards. Though I love the idea of Norris playing the President.

http://tinyurl.com/2oxsev

nothin special, will get to work on TLBT.

Though Danny should be wearing sunglasses. I love the inclusion of Rae Dawn Chong. She could play either the Ghost's annoying girlfriend who mistakes Reyes for his twin, or Reyes' annoying ex-wife who complains too much about how he doesn't spend enough time with their kids. Dafoe can play Reyes' superior who tells him to drop the case and Cary Takanawa can be a high-ranking Yakuza boss doing business with the Ghost.

Just thought you all should know. Also, I don't speak German, so that probably didn't make any sense.

Almost correct

"I am a donut" - JFK

or maybe not. http://tinyurl.com/3dcbk8

The man was obviously on drugs.

Dammit, I can't get it out of my head. I've got the names of most of the major characters, even a few crucial scenes written or outlined. I'm a sick individual.

the epic TLBT!Is it the sequel or a stand alone movie?I think one of the 44 sequels to Kickboxer was called "BLOOD BROTHERS"too.

...I'm trying to refrain from talking about it. We have enough on our plates just trying to sort through the penultimate DTV film TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP. And no. BLOOD BROTHERS is not a sequel, but rather a stand-alone film to act as a starring vehicle for Danny Trejo. This TLBT business has got me thinking. What if each actor got their own DTV film, written especially for them? I have ideas for other DTV films for Mickey Rourke, Wesley Snipes, and Eric Roberts. If curiosity gets the best of you, I might reveal this ideas. Though even I am afraid of what the consequences might be.

to hit us with BLOOD BROTHERS or any other movie,just do it.I would like to see somebody like you or Spandau(stuntcock is busy with music)round up the TLBT(would do it myself,but it took forever writing the opening and I am a slow typer).Looking forward to your work.Have to shop now.Later.

That one has enough cooks in the kitchen as is. I'm comfortable pitching the occasional idea, but there are far more capable people here to tackle that beast. Right now BLOOD BROTHERS has me by the balls and I have three other imaginary projects gnawing away at me.

Also, I dug your opening of TLBT. Danny Trejo driving around in a Chevy without shirt. Classic.

http://tinyurl.com/yrltto

I love it, man! Nice addition of Mark Dacascos and Al Leong. And I see Hogan's name is appropriately larger.

...of Danny Trejo as twins in my head. Now I can't rest until I've written a highly mediocre script around it.

Russian supersoldier is frozen after world war two and subsequently forgotten about, in the present his cryo chamber is found and sold to an American collector of art installations.

upon waking he has one thought, "MUST KILL PRESIDENT!"

basically, less of a movie, more of an exercise in showing this mad russian's pain threshold.

key scene: three quarters into the movie, he stops at a convenience store, and uses concrete, superglue and staplers to plug various gunshots, not to mention he has a backpack full of blood from a hospital, with I.Vs in his veins replacing the 7 pints hes lost.

THE COLDER WAR.

we will have cocaine and hookers and sportscars in no time!

Well, except maybe my Mickey Rourke movie.

hookers and coke.

And leave the sports cars and blow for Michael Bay. Maybe he'll get high and drive his Ferarri off a bridge or something.

I think better that way.

..truly, the movies they watch Heaven.

sleep is for pussies and people who can spell properly.

HELLS YEAH!

For Rourke, Snipes, and Roberts.

..I really am a tiny bit frightened that they will be so kickass, the fact that they aren't real movies will break my heart.

...that some kid is being paid by some studio to skim through sites like these looking for ideas that they can steal. Imagine if they stole those ideas and twisted them into something awful and generic and destroyed everything that was wonderful about them. This was supposed to be an inspirational speech to comfort you, but actually this is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.

...that someone wasn't going at you with a knife.

boborci will be calling Russell Mulcahy tomorrow.

Blood brothers and the Colder war © and ™ Ironic_name and caruso_stalker217

Good work.

(alternate title: OEDIPUS WRECKS)

That's right. It's a modern re-telling of the Greek tragedy of Oedipus. Mickey Rourke plays Rex Edwards, a man destined to murder his father and marry his mother (as told to him by a blind fortune teller). His father Wick is a wealthy corporate tycoon who made his fortune in polyester. When Rex was born, Wick saw to it that the child was put up for adoption, as he was notorious for an irrational hatred for children. His wife (Oscar winner Cher) was told that the child died in birth.

Now, years later, Rex has returned to the town of his birth, after learning from his parents that he was adopted. He is soon involved in a traffic collision with Wick. An argument ensues and Rex, having battled rage all his life, kills him with a baseball bat. Guilt-ridden, he shows up at the funeral where he meets his birth mother.

It isn't long before they begin a highly taboo relationship, though neither is aware of it. Soon they are married. Throughout the film Rex will have several confrontations with the local mafia, who want to buy the polyester company he now owns. These confrontations will often be violent. Warehouses will be firebombed. Rex will be threatened at home. Eventually it will come out that Rex and Oscar winner Cher are mother and son. Cher commits suicide by OD'ing on sleeping pills and Rex puts out his eyes with a hot fire poker.

Thus begins an extremely ridiculous quest for revenge. Now blind, but having heightened other senses, Rex cuts a bloody swath through the people who have wronged him. He walks straight into mob territory, cutting down wise guys left and right with a sawed-off shotgun. "Keep your hands off my polyester," he tells the mob boss, just before blasting him in the face.

He tracks down the corrupt adoption agency that his parents got him from and learns that they are selling babies illegally all over the world. It's up to Rex to bring the agency down, using nearly every form of weaponry known to man. At some point he will have to one-up Chow Yun Fat in HARD BOILED by saving an entire hospital ward of babies, strapping them to his body, while firing two M-16s simultaneously.

Even my girlfriend laughed out loud and said:"I wanna see that movie"!AND she HATES:Dolph,Seagal and Rourke!We achieved something here.If she goes with it,it is a winner.

tears of joy!Insane shit!That reminds me of the whole Johnny Depp being blind thing in once upon a time....And guys I would love to see a movie with Agent Sands Blind Samurai style shit.RR mentioned something like that on the commentary track.

To tell the truth, I only had those first two paragraphs to start with. Then it completely took on a life of its own as I was typing. Strapping babies to his body? I don't even know where that came from.

I, too, would love to see a movie with Agent Sands. He was my favorite character in OUATIM.

You would slowly turn into one of the highest paid writers in the DTV business!And a sunlight hating creep!

...it's the execution that's a bitch. I'm thinking about BLOOD BROTHERS at the moment and I've got points A, B and C. But I know in order to get from A to B to C I've got to write shit. That's why I've got roughly thirty usable story ideas and no way to realize them. I mean, I know writing is a pain in the ass. But it's almost impossible for me.

Awesome cover. Segal! Too bad Katherine Heigel is so big right now. We could get her to reprise her Under Siege 2 bubble butted-ness.

Roberts plays an ex-cage fighter and the brother to Nicholas Cage's character from the first film. Roberts discovers his brother has gone missing, but can't find out anything without paying a P.I. (Richard Roundtree) good money to investigate. So Roberts agrees to do one more cage fight to raise the funds.

Roundtree tells Roberts that Cage was last seen heading for Sommerisle, and he's going to go there to investigate. After not hearing from Roundtree for a week Roberts heads to the island himself and starts asking about Roundtree and Cage and finds the locals hostile. The thing quickly turns into a Seagalist film with Roberts fighting all the ladies of the island.

Then I want the thing to go in more of a direction like BLADE, where the High Priestess of Sommerisle (Lena Headly would be good in this role) wants to resurrect some ancient God and gain its powers, but she needs Roberts's blood. So she lures him to a big Temple of Doom style temple where he has to fight the entire village and ultimately traps the High Priestess in a wicker man and burns her alive.

Tag line: Revenge fueled his fire.

My Roberts vehicle is also a revenge picture, though it is somewhat... classier. Not to shit on WICKER MAN 2: AFTERBURN.

"Some BITCHES allways try to iceskate uphill!"and the burns her.

Richard Roundtree was in on the whole thing, but after he tells Roberts the whole plan and how he played him, the High Priestess chucks Roundtree into a pit of fire.

I'd also like to enlist some classier actresses to play the women of Sommerisle than last time when they had Leelee Sobieski and Kathy Bates. This time I'm thinking more Russ Meyer style casting.

Babe(and sex interest for Roberts),she of course dies a gruesome death,when impaled by a giant dildo like Wicker man made of steel!And Roberts narrating:"She never saw that one COMING!",when he finds her dead.

(generic North American title: TERMINAL VENGEANCE)

"Everyone has regrets. We've all made mistakes. My regret is that I trusted you with my family. My mistake was not killing you when I had the chance."

So says Eric Roberts' character Max Bentley, just before putting a bullet between the eyes of his old friend Bart Fontaine (David Caruso). But I'm getting ahead of myself. That's at the end of the picture. Let's jump back to the beginning.

Max is a crime kingpin. He lives in the lap of luxury surrounded by every comfort of a wealthy life. He has a beautiful wife and three ridiculously wonderful children. The FBI watches his every move, looking for any reason to bring him in. Everything changes when he enters a deal with a French drug dealer (Tchéky Karyo) and flies to Paris to negotiate. While he is away, his right-hand man Bart (who has been banging Max's wife) stages a daring takeover, killing all who are loyal to Max. He accidentally kills the wife during a struggle.

Max now finds himself a fugitive after Bart provides the FBI with all the information they need to nail his ass to the wall. Protected by France's non extradition laws, unable to return home, he spends the next twenty years building a new life for himself. But always harboring a hatred for Bart. He gets himself a beautiful French wife (Isabelle Huppert) and settles down in a quiet French town.

The film finally kicks into high gear when it is discovered that Max has a degenerative brain disease. There is no treatment or cure. The doctors give him six months to live. He decides it is time to return home. He will have to smuggle himself into the United States. From there he will begin his quest for vengeance.

Meanwhile, Bart is busy doing fucked up criminal shit. He has taken it upon himself to raise Max's kids, who do not know that he killed their mother. Though one may suspect it. This is not a blow-shit-up-drive-a-car-through-a-mall kind of revenge picture. This is much more somber and depressing. There is plenty of badass moments. Max has to work his way up the food chain, since he no longer has any contacts with the underworld. At one point he visits the prostitute girlfriend of one of Bart's enforcers. He coerces some information out of her and she sends him to a bar where he gets ambushed. He survives the attack, smashing a man's head through a mirror, blasting a guy with a shotgun, and then beating a guy's head to pulp with the butt. He returns to the hooker's apartment, not intending to be courteous this time. Before she has a chance to open the door he kicks it in, hitting her in the forhead. He forces his way in and chases her into the kitchen where she has been boiling noodles. As he walks in she flings the boiling pot at him, which he sidesteps. He moves toward her, grabs her, and then holds her face above the hot stove top, telling her to give him the right information or she'll "only have half a face."

Man, I wrote way to much about this. That's just a taste of what I've got. Feel free to tell me what sucks and what blows about it.

for wickerman2

Hottest woman over 70. I don't care if it IS the cosmetic surgery. I'd hit that. Twice.

pitch black night.

raining.

a woman screams.

wagon tracks in the mud, raining.

a baby cries.

horses whinny. a woman screams out.

a gun shot [beat]

a baby is thrown out into the rainy mud.

its screaming, it knows something is wrong.

a shakey hand aims a gun.

pow!

the baby is shot in the head!

the man, face hidden in the night seems sorry, but tells the wagons to move out!

they leave.

the baby is still alive!

there, in the cold, a baby is dying, from cold, from blood loss..

the wolves shadows close in..

SON OF A GUN

a story of loss, regret and love, coming soon.

Hahahaha. And who would play our nearly-infanticided-and-raised-by-wolves hero?

Roberts needs a sidekick,the only loyal dude that survived the kills by Caruso!It has to be.......Michael Madsen(not the good Kill Bill Madsen,but the "I am in it for the money" Madsen)who allways has some bad lines to say like:"Dont put her face on the plate Max,it will smell like shit in here."And Roberts name should be:Max Masseratti.And Madsen is Jack Buick(thats DTV alive and kickin`)

starring:Jean Claude van Damme!

a boy raised by wolves, saved by a Mexican priest who teaches him the ways of civilization.

starring benicio del toro as 'moses cain' a scarred man, searching for his father.

iggy pop as papi ignatius, a man who'd kill his own family to keep his wagon train from being ambushed by apache, and edward james almos as father justice constantinos, a preist who refuses to pay protection fees to federales [led by mickey rourke]

not a DTV, but too violent and philosophical for most people.

HELL CAN WAIT (or TERMINAL VENGEANCE, depending on where you live) is, in it's current form, not quite up/down to DTV standards. It almost sounds like a real movie. It could attract the attention of Denzel Washington and be given a budget of $100 million. I stand to make a lot of money off of a deal like that, but as an artist I have the responsibility to say no

Madsen can be Max's last link to the underworld. The guy who never truly gave up on him, but never stood up and did anything to help. Now he has to make amends by helping Max get terminal vengeance. As potentially cheesy as this DTV version of HCW can be, it will have very strong themes of redemption and Jesus and shit. There will be a scene where Jack Buick waits outside a church while Max confesses his sins to a priest. Religious imagery will appear throughout the film. Most noticeably crosses. These are the kind of pretentious touches that will help ground its DTV status.

I don't want the movie to be too jokey. There can be humor here and there (mostly dark, as evidenced in Buick's remark about burnt flesh smelling bad) but mostly it will be a gritty, ugly revenge picture. Shot quickly and cheaply, and with as much stock footage as we can afford to keep costs down.

you oughtta hear how he was conceived!

Sounds like a good cast. And I would love to hear how Moses Cain was conceived.

http://tinyurl.com/2a54we

The trailers could stress that it's "Inspired by true events."

where Buick has taken the kids of Max to hide them of Caruso.Caruso finds them and Buick has to fight alone with a barbedwired baseball bet and a sawn off shotgun.He kills around 10-15 goons while been hit from 20-30 bullets.When he breaks down he starts crawling to where the cildren are(the children crying of course)and reaches for the hand of the oldest one and says:"Tell Max I am sor..."rolls over and dies in a jesus like pose in a pool of blood!Then Max arrives and the final shootout with Caruso and his goons starts.

I love Jack Buick's heroic effort to redeem himself by saving Max's kids, getting shot a ridiculous amount of times in the process. Also, him dying mid-word is classic. "...dies in a jesus like pose in a pool of blood!" You've got the idea.

The problem is Max's kids would all be grown by now. Of course, this could be remedied by changing the time that Max was away. Cut it down to 10 years instead of 20.

After Madsen dies, Caruso has to have a look of remorse on his face. He shakes his head and yells, "It wasn't supposed to HAPPEN like this!" Then we cut to an overhead shot as Caruso looks up at the ceiling and shouts "God DAMN IT!" Then Max drives through the front of the church with a bulldozer (the church was going to be demolished the next day).

Keep it going Gents!

and so, there is half an hour without talking, or music.

just two men, as equals, on a desert plain.

finding each other. fighting. getting away.

a game of cat and mouse.

finally after a week with no food or water, father [real name never mentioned] find a small creek, and buries his head underwater.

after a few seconds, something bumps his head, he looks up to see his son, he looks down to see a signpost that hit his noggin:

DANGER

POISON

as the father accepts his fate and sits down against a rock, he tells his son hes sorry, but he had a responsibility

to the wagon train, a hundred families. if he stopped, they'd all die as the apache were on them like flies on pigshit, moses says; "Tell me about my mother".

father says; "she smelt like caramel, and she had a smile that you could feel".

"I love you, son."

"I love you, dad."

they stare at each other, both sitting on the plain.

the

"DANGER

POISON"

THING is ripped off from jonah hex, but then, it is a scarred cowboy.

I'm laughing my ass off. That is beyond awesome. No studio would make it, even with somebody like Benicio onboard.

He can invent a new wolfman language for the boy and the wolves to speak. I think the plot should have Seagalian environmentalist overtones. Some corrupt tycoon (Ron Pearlman) wants to plow the Son of a Gun's forrest and put a railroad through it. It would lead to an awesome showdown in a wild west town with wolves versus cowboys and the Son of a Gun versus the railroad tycoon.

how do we end this thing?

do they just stare at each other, THE THING style, or does it end this way:

father starts coughing.

"PAPI!"

"sn, be fine'n a'mnt"

"tell me her name"

but nothing.

hes dead.

moses goes from shocked to wryly smiling at his bad luck.

he gets up and begins to walk off into the blur from the heat.

But I dig the "Tell me her name" ending more.

father starts coughing.

"PAPI!"

"son, 'll be fine'n a'mnt"

"tell me her name!"

"teresa."

"teresa constanti-"

hes dead, mid sentence.

moses goes from shocked to wryly smiling, and beginning to laugh at his being raised by his own uncle, the priest.

the voice over[!?] begins: "with justice served, and his questions answered, they say he laughed all the way to california"

laughing is heard as he disappears into the sunset.

...Charleton Heston.

wolves vs cowboys?

I think I came in my pants little.

drinks at the oscar after party are on benicio!

I'll try to cop a feel off Scarlett Johanssen.

When I read caruso's treatment I felt the same way as you guys, it was too classy. And caruso is right, Denzel might actually team up with Tony Scott for a story this straightforward. It's not overstuffed and genre mixmatched enough.

But here's how we trash it up: make Roberts's character psychic. He can have premonitions that sometimes are just red herrings and other times only make sense too late. Also, limited telekinetic powers might be worth considering. Maybe his brain tumor has unleashed telekinetic powers that he can't always control. I can't think of another movie that's had a psychic telekinetic gangster out for revenge. Let me know what you guys think.

No alternate title for this one. Except maybe SOLE HEIR.

This would be the black sheep of the TalkBack Productions universe. And not just because it stars Wesley Snipes.

The film opens on a concert hall. Hundreds of rich fuckers in evening wear fill the seats. They've come here to hear Harry Baskin, the famed concert pianist. You heard me right. Wesley Snipes plays a concert pianist. And he wears glasses. He plays some grade-A classic shit. Maybe from Mozart. Or Haydn. Or that Edvard Grieg guy who wrote "In the Hall of the Mountain King." Anyway, he plays well.

So, Harry does his piano thing. After he's done, all the rich people clap really loud and he takes his bows and some woman hands him some roses. Afterwards, he gets into his Rolls Royce with his wife (somebody less famous than Halle Berry but with a better career than Jada Pinkett Smith) and young son. His chauffeur is some guy you've never heard of. Harry and the wife discuss the concert and how awesome he was and they talk about other shows he has to do. New York, Paris, whatever the capital of Holland is.

Since this is a Wesley Snipes movie and also DTV, we know that Harry isn't going to make it to those other concerts. The Rolls gets t-boned by some dickhead who doesn't like to follow the laws put in place to protect people. Harry's wife and son are killed and he is left with nerve damage in one hand. He never plays professionally again.

From there he turns to alcohol and depression. He develops a gambling problem and blows all of his money. On the verge of bankruptcy and homelessness, Harry loses hope.

Salvation comes in the form of a letter, informing Harry that he is the last surviving heir of some old rich white guy. So it's a pretty distant relation. The fortune is mostly gone, but the family mansion in New England remains. Harry seizes this opportunity to start over (at the urging of his psychiatrist, Tatum O'Neil) and moves into the mansion. Here he meets the strange staff that still lives there, including a mysterious butler named Lankershim.

Maybe I should've mentioned this, but this is like some kind of horror movie/ghost story kind of thing. It will have a very strong SHINING rip-off vibe. Throw in some contemporary films like THE OTHERS and any number of Japanese ghost movies and you've got the basic picture.

There is a piano in the house that Harry can't go near or else he will be reminded of his old life and collapse into a tearful mess. Sometimes, late at night, Harry thinks he hears music coming from it. And just what is up with the hollow wall in the attic? Lankershim says it's "just an old crawlspace, suh." But Harry seems to have his doubts.

Other weird shit could happen, like Harry gets visions of naked women. And maybe he can feel the presence of his dead wife. And seriously, what the fuck is up with that crawlspace? Harry might have to knock that wall down once he's reached his breaking point and nearly gone insane. Also, maybe he'll bang Tatum O'Neil.

Like I said, this is the black sheep.

and man I take a Sunday off and this talkback gets stranger and stranger and stranger...I know I missed some stuff so I'm just going to keep this window open and see if I can catch up somehow

that's a great premise right there

At least there's somebody around here who observes the Lord's day.

Though I've got two or three others floating around.

he should make a joke about having a twelve inch pianist at the end of the movie to Tatum O'Neil

Should be said at the end after he's defeated the spirits or whatever the fuck I was getting at. He and Tatum are walking hand in hand through a park. They walk up to the duck pond and Harry leans against the railing. He twirls his wedding ring in his fingers as he stares meaningfully into the pond. This will have some sort of significance. Something about the duck pond binds Harry and his wife together. He kisses the ring and tosses it into the water. "I can let her go now," he confides in Tatum. They walk into the sunset together. End credits.

And there you have it. The first Wesley Snipes ghost movie and he doesn't even fight anybody.

David Ogden Stiers would be perfect.

He already costarred with Snipes in a DTV mish mash of Bourne and Leon. Maybe get him to be the guy who executes the will and hands the property over to Snipes. Later in the movie when wierd stuff starts happening Snipes will try to call him and Charles will just avoid his calls like the real estate agents in those Amityville movies. Later when Snipes is going through that whole am-i-crazy-or-is-this-really-happening phase he can spot Charles Dance out shopping and tackle him and scream "What's wrong with that house?!!!?" and Dance can provide any necessary exposition or it can be just one of those embarassng moments for heroes of haunting movies where they act hysterical in public and everybody's reaction only makes him doubt his own sanity more.

If this were any other movie, I would probably agree with you. But I think the precognition/telekinesis is crossing some sort of line. A lot of DTV movies have the habit of trying to cram three pounds of shit into a one pound bag. The result is, well, you get a lot of shit on your hands. This can work for something like TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP, with its abundance of characters and various plot threads. More is better in that case. But for a film like HELL CAN WAIT/TERMINAL VENGEANCE, throwing in crazy mind powers is probably going too far. Though I did have the idea that his degenerative brain disease would cause him to become psychotic. He would have moments of confusion and rage.

However, the telekinetic gangster idea sounds promising. It should be allowed to grow into it's own film, and not have to be shoe-horned into a low-grade Eric Roberts revenge flick.

Dance will become flustered and look around at everybody staring. He leans in toward Snipes and says, "Come with me to my office. I'll tell you everything." He then proceeds with the obligatory fifteen minute exposition scene that stops the movie dead in its tracks.

Snipes grabs Dance and shakes him. "What's wrong with that house!? Goddamnit, you bastard, tell me!" A moment will pass and Dance will quietly say, "Mr. Baskin, take your hand off me." Then Snipes will start to regain his composure and become self conscious and aware of everyone staring at him. "You don't seem well at all, Mr. Baskin," says Dance. "Perhaps you should sit down." This scene could be shot with a lot of Gilliam-esque wide angle lenses, with the onlookers distorted and frightening. Snipes will begin sweating profusely, tugging at his shirt collar. Eventually he will flee and we are left with a close-up of Dance looking utterly ambiguous. Just what does he know?

well one of us has to be here to save everyone else's soul

ok since we're pitching movie ideas around here, being from Kansas I think we need to have something that takes place in Kansas, like a ghost story of some sort, we an abandoned farm house

also in poster for TLBT, anything with Eric Roberts name needs to say "HERO's Eric Roberts"

I see that I have created a monster. In the last 10 hours I have succeeded in developing (or contributing to):

A revenge movie about a rogue DEA agent and a drug lord, both twins separated at birth. Starring Danny Trejo.

A Dolph Lundgren film where he plays a post-WWII Russian supersoldier thawed out in the present with orders to assassinate the current president.

A modern re-telling of the Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex, complete with guns and polyester.

A "bad guy with six months to live tries to redeem himself by killing those who wronged him" movie with pretentious religious undertones.

A western "inspired by true events" about a disfigured man raised by wolves and then by a Mexican priest and has to kill his father Iggy Pop.

And the first Wesley Snipes ghost movie.

Move over Mother Theresa. Your works mean nothing.

the new hollywood, we're gonna be on vanity fair as "the [new] new thing"

interviewed by gore vidal.

I was thinking EXACTLY that, re: the corny pianist joke at the end.

a scene for scene ripoff of the end of demolition man.

...derailed TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP. It's my fault, really, for BLOOD BROTHER. Though you did give me the idea, ironic_name.

with my suggestion that the poster/cover needs to say starring "HERO's Eric Roberts"

Jake Busey can play the guy who t-boned Snipes's car at the beginning. Later when Snipes is living in the mansion and going crazy Busey can come by and say that it's one of the steps in his AA program to come and apologize to Snipes. Snipes is at first furious at Busey, tells him to bugger off. But later Snipes decides to use Busey as bait for the ghosts and invites him back to the mansion for dinner. He feeds him a nice meal and when Busey mentions that he's into model trains, Snipes tells Busey that there are a bunch in the crawlspace up in the attic, but that he can't reach them because his back is still messed up from the accident.

Then either of the following happen:
A) The ghosts trick Snipes into accidently killing Busey with a fire poker.
B) Busey goes into the attic and comes down all content with some toy trains and thanks Snipes. As Busey's leaving Snipes looks at the toy trains and they go all Devil's Advocate and morph in snakes or something and Snipes freaks out momentarily, but like in Devil's Advocate he looks back at the trains and sees they're normal and tries to brush it off like he saw a mouse and Busey just looks at him weird and apologizes some more and leaves. The next day Snipes reads in the paper that Busey died in his hotel room from a snake bite. Snipes sheds a single tear and scowls.

Just the image of Jake Busey with an armload of toy trains, thanking him for a wonderful dinner.

I'm picking option B, of course. Maybe the ghosts can trick Snipes into killing Mrs. Danbridge, the rotund maid.

His death by snake bite will arouse the attention of local Police Chief Carson, hopefully played by Clancy Brown. This will help create tension, since Snipes can't be sure he isn't the killer and this cop is always coming by, asking questions and seeming to grow more and more suspicious. Doesn't stop him from drinking Mrs. Danbridge's tea, though.

They'll be up tonite.

that's my vote for Soul Heir's Jake Busey to die

Cool beans. I'm digging your stuff. Meanwhile, we'll have to continue straying off-top.

...Snipes has to go into the attic and find that the wall is perfectly intact. His paranoia grows.

the butler in Soul Heir needs to be eaten by the haunted fireplace like in The Haunting

Orson Scott Card wrote a book, oh probably 3, 4, 5 years ago with a similar concept about a guy that filps houses and he is working on this house that is haunted and he ends up falling in love with the ghost while trying to solve her murder, it's an f'd up book and reall made me question OSC there for a while

Snipes finally confronts the butler in the den. He starts yelling and pushing him around. He has a Nic Cage-style breakdown. "WHAT'S in the crawlspace? What's IN the crawlspace? What's in the FUCKING CRAWSPAAACE!??"

Before Lankershim can spill the beans, the big stuffy arm chair slides across the floor, knocking him into the huge fireplace. It's got this cast-iron grate that slides in front of the opening, trapping the butler inside. "Ehh! Ehh, helllp meee, Mistuh Baskinnnsss!" Then a huge fireball erupts from the fireplace, burning Lankershim alive.

Snipes watches in horror.

"Homebody" it's called. I'd never heard of it.

it is just to japan horror movie shit!Even for DTV-standards it is boring and somewhat unfunny(which is also a good thing for DTV,it is like a movie you rent and watch and it disturbs you.)And every "no geek" would start running away screaming when he hears:Snipes=Pianist!But I got a great Idea for an Snipes=Pianist movie!read my next post.

I found it when I was realy getting into OSC and was reading everything until I relized his Alvin Maker series was just Narnia for Mormons and there you go you nailed the scene I had in my mind

...strange political and social beliefs. They all seem to clash.

it's a very strange algmation of beliefs. I just read Empire, and while I think it would make a fantastic movie, it's a little out there, and this is coming from a conservative (but not a neo-con like some of the freaks on here)

http://tinyurl.com/36gpxh

Okay guys, I'm currently closing in on completing my first graphic novel. But after that, maybe I'll actually do TLBT as a graphic novel complete with characters designed to look like the actors. I think most of them would appreciate it, Snipes might sue, he's not above that. But Trejo will probably buy me brew.

I'll warn you guys. I don't work fast/often. This first book of mine is almost a year in production now, and when it's done it will probably have taken 14 months to write and illustrate a 140 page comic book, which I work on during the odd evening and weekend. So it's not like TLBT: the graphic novel would be in your hands tomorrow. I'm just saying, maybe eventually. Unless somehow somebody here gets a contract to actually produce this thing as a movie.

I love the random hottie showing her ass.

I'd love it if you'd compose a love theme for TLBT to play during Nathan Hunter's reunion with Saphire Perkins. Maybe call it Saphire's Sparkle.

Also, I can't download your songs without signing up for MySpace. Would you mind emailing me the files when you're done with the score? vacancy99@hotmail.com

the cover is "erotic thriller" material.

I'll thank you all on the inside cover of TLBT: the graphic novel.

Is there some other webpage I can find them? Or a search engine where I type something and they show up?

there has to be saxophone an' titties every five minutes.

...when Snipes is seduced by a ghost in the guise of his dead wife. A rough sex scene will follow with dozens of dissolves. Then the ghost could turn into a rotting skeleton or something and Snipes will flip out, falling off the bed. When he hits the floor it's magically daytime out and there is no sign of the ghost. Then Mrs. Dandridge knocks on the bedroom door and asks him if he'd like breakfast sent up.

http://tinyurl.com/22uvu4

soul heir

http://tinyurl.com/2fve9s

TLBT

glad to know I'm not the only slow artist here, I still haven't started a short superman story I promised the parents of a sick child I'd do..

tinyurl.com/2fve9s

if the other one didn't work.

I'll be back in an hour or so to discuss more of this

Spandu ironically way above I mentioned that I had an idea about a preacher that gets revenge when refering to Dolph's movie, I later got to thinking how cool would it be to have a movie and a graphic novel released a almost the same time, based on the same source material, I might just work up the script myself shoot I'm bored at work today

Snipes is a son of a black priest and a jewish buisness women,living in Warsaw(Poland),going by the name of Itzak Washinski.He grows up to become an well known Pianoplayer in the late 1930`s.

As the WWII begins he and his family are put in the Warsaw ghetto.Snipes keeps his piano skills up by playing on a old piano in the flat of his best friend Rabbi Goldstein(Danny deVito)and gives the people hope.

But the lead Nazi dude Hauptmann Günther von Strucker(Udo Kier)despises the "black-jew"for giving the people hope and orders that his hands are cut off in the public at the marketplace!The "Ceremony"takes a turn for the worse when Snipes mother tries to stop the cutting and gets shot by von Strucker(you know 5-6 times,blood and falling on Snipes in tears...)with evil Nazi laugh!The hands of Snipes get sawn off with a old rusty saw(in a gruesome slomo DTV style).We see how his dad and the Rabbi take him away in tears and Snipes passed out.

When we return to Snipes,we learn that two month have passed and we see Snipes sitting by the piano,trying desperate to play with his stumps(the dad and the Rabbi sitting in the next room,dad crying,the Rabbi staring to a distant place).Snipes get`s pissed and starts beating up the piano kicking and screaming until it breaks apart!As he see`s the broken piano,Snipes gets the STARE(you which stare I mean!).

Now we get a montage of Snipes,the dad and the Rabbi building artificial hands out of the trashed piano(we see them trading parts they need...)and the rusty saw he lost his hands on(right)and a whip out of pianostrings(left)and some training with Snipes learning to use it.

Then the pace picks up when the Nazis start to bring the people to concentration camps!Snipes and his crew start a guerillia war against the Nazis and give them hell to pay for their deeds!von Strucker starts to see he is losing control and calls for back up!

Now the SHIT hits the fan,when the SS-troops led by General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Mickey Rourke)arrive!The General doesnt like what he sees and beats von Strucker to death with his steelhand!Then his troops hunt down Snipes dad and the Rabbi and hang them on the marketplace with barbwires and tear them apart with horses(violent,friends)!Snipes is on his own now and has to run!They almost capture him and he manages to escape in a church.The SS-troops surround the church and Snipes is ready for his last stand!The Nazis attack and Snipes kills 20-30 dudes(with some nifty capoera/rusty saw/stringwhip moves)but they take him down!

The next thing we know is Snipes in Berlin!Caged up like a animal in the REICHSTAG!He is to be executed in a day,on a BIG parade with HITLER watching!As the parade starts going and all is set up(with some speech from Von Stahlhand)for the execution,Snipes has the rope around his neck,he looks up to the sky and prays,his prayers are answered by.....

DOLPH LUNDGREN and his band of Russian supersoldiers who parachute in to kill Hitler!A HUGE battle starts and Snipes is set free by Lundgren and gets his revenge on von Stahlhand(bigtime bout Snipes vs Rourke)and Lundgren tries to get Hitler,but he escapes with his secret rocket to the moon(yes the MOON,for the Sci-Fi part2)!

The movie ends with Snipes returning to Warsaw and helping rebuild the city with his new Cyborg hands(unexplained DTV magic)!And Dolph returns to Moscow and gets Punished for not killing Hitler and is put in deepfreeze until caruso`s movie!

THE END

Hope you like it,give me feedback.

Just finishing a quick piano diddly right now. I'll email all of 'em when I'm done, no problem.

I'm telling you, if I had to choose between Wesley Snipes piano movies, I would have to choose THE WARSAW SYMPHONY. It's violent, irreverent, completely offensive and entirely perfect. THE INHERITANCE/SOLE HEIR could star anybody. True, seeing Snipes fight ghosts would be killer, but... mechanical HANDS! Well done, sir.

THE COLDER WAR is ironic_name's baby. I just came up with the brilliant title.

like it too,it is my longest post,took me almost an hour to type,but it was a blast writing it!Now I can do the sequel with Hitler on the MOON!

hope you like my setup for The Colder War!

Oy vey.

A "Hitler on the Moon" movie.

a space odyssey!has something to do with The Warsaw Symphony!

.

The part after they kill his dad and Snipes is alone in the ghetto and they're trying to find him. I think they should let a bunch of bears sniff some of Snipes's discarded clothes like hunting dogs and then turn the bears loose in the ghetto and Snipes has to outwit them like in that movie The Edge.

He defeats the bears, but he's wounded and a nurse (Kelly Brook as the only actor in this movie trying to fake an Eastern European language) tends to his wounds but then sells him out and the Germans capture him and which point she starts screaming something stupid like "You said you weren't going to hurt him!".

PS I love it when movies are set in a foreign country, but the actors are speaking english, and some speak English with the accent of the language they should all really be speaking while others just use their regular voices. I also like the Hollywood attitude that all accents are interchangeable. The big trend lately seems to be French actors playing Russians.

a HUGE DTV TalkBack Production Universe where all our movies take place in the same universe. In other words someone in TLBT can mention hitler being on the moon and the Pianest guy that looks just like Kicker who helped rebuild Warsaw iwth cyborg hands and Eric Roberts and biker Dolph (Oleg was it) help Russian supersolider Dolph (Nikoli, Ivan, Josef?), etc

"You said you weren't going to hurt him!" will von Stahlhand reply with the usual "I lied"?

is semiretired Porn stars trying to break into Hollywood kinda like Ginger Lynn in the vice Academy movies. Jenna Jameson is too big of a name, I'm thinking someone like Erica Campbell who could really slut it up for us by getting nekkid and having a tottally irrelevant lesbain scene

No place for a Babe in Warsaw!The Bear is good man,of course it would be a POLARBEAR(because he is WHITE)and it has a big necktie made out of leather with the SS sign on it!It would be von Stahlhand`s personal Hunting Polarbear(that`s evil DTV)I love it!Snipes killing a Polarbear is so badass!When he is surrounded in the church,he holds the Polarbear`s sawn off head up high and von Stahlhand goes Apeshit and kills the next Nazi standing to him with a deadly blow from his steelhand and starts crying:"get him alive,get him alive,he KILLED my FRANZ(the bear),I will crush you...."great shit!

Maybe throw John Saxon(he knows Karate) or Robert Forrester in there as well.

Travis, I can so see the scene in my head, that's scarey

good call Mike

god I'm bored at work, if my boss KNEW what I was talking about on here he'd just shake his head and tell me a)I need to get a life and b)find something constructive to do

someday we do an ALLSTAR movie with the best charakter`s.We need a title for that one!

wouldn't that be TLBT, just kidding...

howabout something Armeggeddon Apolyspase

my spelling sucks I know but I'm too lazy to change it

We could also call it:THE DIRECT ULTIMATUM!

Starring Chadd Damon

here's what's sad, I actually hold degrees in communications, English and drama

Stuntcock, great title, now, that we the title and a star, we need a barebones story

great!And total DTV without a part one,hehehe.

Dawn of the Dead meets The Road Warrior.

Gettin` kind of slow here!

What do you think of my polarbear casting?

...Coppola cast Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker in DRACULA. No, wait. That was terrible casting. Uhhh... it's the most brilliant piece of casting since Jeff Bridges in THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Yeah, that sounds better.

He did a decade in DTV. He knows the ropes. Anyway, I'm at home now and on my home computer I can view ironic_name's awesome posters. Good job.

Good night guys, this was awesome.

work is still slow here, yeah Sly is supposed to start today, I figure it'll post tonight sometime

Because my creativity seems to have dried up. I had a pretty good 12 hour run, though.

I think there is only a few of us left to try and keep this going...

to late now!But tommorow you get it!Have to stick around until Sly arrives!

...I'm gonna have to bail for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Got some business to attend to. I'll be back.

of course we have to cut a trailer for this but I'm at a loss of how to do it, here's what i'm thinking

we open up on FBI HQ as a cheesy rip off of Trailer Guy goes "In the Justice system there are those who have sworn to protect the system and those that wish to corrupt it" cut to a shot of Hunter (Roberts) and Falco (Cain) walking down a hall glaring at each othe VO continues, "There are those seeking redemtion" cut to Oleg (Dolph) looking meanincing, then taking a swing "and those looking for revenge" shot of Kicker (Snipes) and Jeb (Rourke) walking down a street, kind of Gunfight at the OK Corralish, ie Doc and Wyatt. then cut to a series of fight scenes making sure to highlight a little bit of the Rothrock trejo fight" Then having something like Two Lan Blood Top starring Hero's Eric Roberts, Sin City's Mickey Rourke, Blade's Welsey Snipes, Hulk Hogan. Coming soon to DVD, HDDVD, BLUE-RAY"

and not mentioned in the trailer,but to be seen on the Box is Seagal(to get the people thinking "what the hell",they dont mention Seagal,that has to be a huge movie),but it is just DTV-tricks,hehehe!

In the music section of Myspace, type in TWO LANE BLOOD TOP into search. It may not show yet as I made a new page just for TLBT. Keep trying, it's there.

I've actually started scripting this a little bit man it's fun, I haven't had this much fun writing in a LONG time

you guys kick ass!It would be great if we could actualy meet and throw some ideas around and drown some cold German beers!caruso,Spandau,ironic and Marmoset are also invited,maybe around 2010 we could set something up!This is the craziest TB I have been in(and the RAMBO midget TB).Thanks guys for a good time!

That's some great shit, man!

I may be half insane from being up all the time because of this shit, but it's been a lot of fun.

I went to the COLD MONK page and scrolled down to the Friends section. Then I clicked "New." It should be the first one that shows up.

and the picture of Rothrock being kicked to the tits is funny!

I love the set up!

and do this, comic style.

spandau and I on pencils,

Travis, caruso, stunkcock and bloo can do writing and screenplay [yes, some comic writers are specific on what they want on the page, and write "shooting scripts"]

sell it to Image,

get danny trejo to appear at a launch party, and sell this muthafucker!!!

gentle ben2: black gold is on, with dean cain playing a park ranger, and corben bernsen as an oil barron named fog!

"She had a pussy as tight as a drum. You could bounce quarters off that pussy."

Holy shit, what the hell was that? I've officially been awake too long.

Vern, you are still my favorite part of this site. Kudos to your kudos for Dolph. I'm still a fan of his.

I have no idea how the comic thing over there works,but i would love to see TLBT and the Warsaw Symphony in pictures!And then we tie in your storys and carusos insane stuff and do a KING like "The Dark Tower"universething ,where all goes hand in hand like Bloo said earlier!And any reader is given the advice to hear Stuntcocks music while reading!

...I'm happy.

Hunter narrates as follows:"Back in the good days when I still was wearing the SHIELD,I hunted down that psycho fuck "Chainsaw Charlie"and since it was Falco`s first case as my coffeeholder I gave him one of ole`Charlies supply and kept one for me!So it seems natural to bring the old saw and a Sixpack to the PARTY!You know what they say right:THE SAW IS THE FUCKING LAW!"Then Hunter goes sawing down Falco`s door.

RAMBO thing seems to start at 11.59pm!FUCK,i know my luck,ten minutes after I go to bed they put the Q&A up!And I will miss the fucking first 7 hours of the TB!Shit!Hope caruso you keep it going with RAMBO!

Good night Ladies and Gents

chainsaw fight!

http://tinyurl.com/37co6f

and machine girl!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpCWJnnWVI

http://tinyurl.com/37co6f

chainsaw fight!

http://tinyurl.com/2zwufc

machine girl.

Why can't Americans make movies like this? Dammit, why?

I couldn't believe what I was watching...loved it. When the hell is it coming here?!

lets do this, aicn comics!

Is that a cool enough find to warrant a high-five? I'm gonna throw caution to the wind and say yes. Unfortunately, this is the internet. There is no high-fiving here.

I'm doing character designs for TLBT,

danny's weapon of choice? a sawnoff with a baseball bat stock, complete with barbed wire around the end, so when he runs out of ammo or hes feeling.. 'generous' he can use it as a club.

I cannot wait for the masterpiece that TLBT is sure to be.

i don't know if you are still open to suggestions, but a homage to Troma starring Warwick Bates and the still alive cast of Time Bandits as a murderous dwarf family of subhumanoid freaks would be awesome.

Obviously starring Dolph as the full-sized police officer investigating the disappearance of some big tittied cheerleader type- who will spend the whole film butt naked and tied to a chair.

Warwick Davis, of course. I just substituted him for Kenny Baker as I think Kenny is dead.

http://tinyurl.com/2qrkow

there.

http://tinyurl.com/yvcknc

there

can you not include some navy seal team cut off in the wilds of Alaska who get chomped by mutant bears whilst trying to get home.

'Twould be great.

The only LOVE he ever knew in LIFE!

about SEALs fighting Polarbears!The Polarbears have to be RELATED to Von Stahlhand`s huntig Polarbear,and there has to be one Flashback of FRANZ(the bear)fighting Snipes in the church,when his Polarbear fellas remember their meanest member!The movie has to be from the Polarbears point of view,of course(DTV invents new shit).It would fit in to our DIRECT-UNIVERSE(where even the bad Polarbears know each other!).

Is DTV being fucked by the WGA strike?

in the fine world of DTV!

Coffee shot thru my nostrils.

Let's write the shit up gents.

http://i9.tinypic.com/7309g94.jpg

aicn comics, don't sue, Dolph!

a little something for ya:

IMAGINE:space,silence,then slowly,very slowly,a white piano drifts into frame with a artificial hand stuck to it!Snipes narrating:

"In space no one hears you PLAY!"

end of teaser!

Dolph v Mutant polar bear is clearly gold.

I'd better think on this.

Trejo thinks he's ridding the world of sin by cutting off his victims' left hands (the hand of the devil!) and feeding them Davis, who he keeps in a little cat carrying case, but who he thinks is God.

But Trejo should be feeding things to the Bates- although the thought of worshipping that is too scary for words.

I'm tempted to bring back my high-concept sequel to Beastmaster. It was great.

Who knew there would be such a torrential response to my request for suggestions? I can hardly keep up with it all. Some funny work here, guys, and I still think there must be some way to wrangle them all into screenplay form.

Is anyone up to the challenge? I believe I would actually let loose a small puddle of pee into my shorts if I ever saw the credit 'Screenplay by The Ain't It Cool Talkback Types' gracing the opening to a film. Especially if it had Wesley Snipes in it. Or Mickey Rourke. Or Eric Roberts. Or Warwick Davis.

hahahahaHAHAHAheheheHEHEHE!

Gotta love all my DTV geeks around here!

I'll be honest I was actually looking forward to this talkback today over the Stallone one, sad huh, anyways, I've got it open in another window. I had to go see a movie for work last night but now that I'm back I'll let you know that I am working up the screenplay but I'm forgetting stuff I know, Franklin was right we have been some busy little beavers, anyways, if I forget something let me know, finally, I'm throwing my email out here for ya'll to catch, if you want to see what I've come up with and remind me of stuff I've forgotten, it's erobert@nwkansas.com, I'll be in and out of here all day while at work and am working on the script

Polarbears fighting, crap, I've got something in my head now....after Rothrock's vicious beatdown at the hands of Trejo, and her flashback, we cut to Snipes, snowboarding OVER Polarbears who keep snapping at him, when he gets the phone call that his wife has died at Trejo's hands...

BTw in my script I've been calling him Diablo, anyone got a better name, it's the only thing I could think of after watching about 10 min. of Predator 2 on SpikeTV the other day

Bloo can work on the actual screenplay, and in a few months I'll start work on the comic book so that kids can read this stuff in the schoolyard. We'll probably end up with totally different stories with only Danny Trejo in common. Besides, comic book adaptations are big these days and they love changing everything for no reason. So maybe my comic will get optioned for a movie and Bloo will have the screenplay ready to go.

As I've been working on my first graphic novel (which I think is a trashtastic Commie Zombie story BTW) I've been dead set on doing my prision martial arts epic as my follow-up and didn't think any other idea could knock me off of doing that. But bikers hunting serial killers did it. Funny how things work out.

I can only view ironic_name's artwork at home. So I'll see what he's come up with. Maybe we can split the stories up and I'll handle TLBT and maybe he wants to do comics of Warsaw Symphony or Soul Heir or Wicker Man 2: Afterburn?

calling him nobjockey is better than diablo.

Call him shaitan.

The movie opens with a long shot of a Space ship(Alien like ship)flying from Earth to the Moon(as the ship goes by we learn it is the WARSAW 2,what happend to the first one?nobody knows)

A text comes up and tells us:"IT is the year 2059 and Humanity has dryed the Oceans and eaten all meat and therefor has began to colonise the Moon,for his rich water and meat supplies on it`s DARK side!".We also learn that Earth has lost contact to its first colony on the Moon about a week ago!Since BIG Companies run the Earth now a Special High intelligence Threat Team(SHiTT)is send to investigate!

As we go onboard the WARSAW 2 we see the Leader of the SHiTT unit,it is.....Dolph Lundgren,who goes by the name of Oleg Popovich.He is about to meet for the first time the Captain of the ship who is played by none other then....Wesley Snipes as Isaac "Izzy" Washington,not a member of SHiTT,but a world famous piano player and owner of the WARSAW 2!As they both meet for the first time Dolph nod`s his head and says:"Do we know each other?"and Snipes answers:"No but maybe you have seen me on TV".

We then see the rest of the SHiTT unit in a "getting ready"montage(Trejo as DOC,C.Thomas Howell as S.M.,Jake Busey as Psycho,some Mexican dude as Bean and a black dude as Shadow)preparing for combat!And Snipes playing the piano for his crew of nobodys accept of the ships doctor played by....Cynthia Rothrock as Doctor Riley.From the looks they give each other,we know something is up between the two(love).

The WARSAW 2 then lands on the DARK side of the Moon,near the colony and the SHiTT goes out to investigate.We see some scenes of them going through the empty colony,kickin doors in,hacking computers and shit like that.Then we go to Bean and Shadow who are in the Lab`s of the main Building.Since everything is "safe" Shadow excuses himself and goes for a shit(!),leaving Bean alone.

Then Bean starts to hear creepy noises out of a room they did not check and goes to investigate.As he enters the room,he finds a strange looking egg-like thing with the face of Hitler on a table and says:"What the Fuck?",then the Hitler egg starts opening and a creature jumps out of it on Bean`S face(he is to busy looking instead of shooting or running).

Then we see the SHiTT running back to the ship with Bean on a stretcher and Shadow telling the others what happend.They bring Bean to medical and Rothrock takes care of him in a montage.Meanwhile Dolph talks to his SHiTT and tells them to secure the area while he talks to the Earth command for further instructions.Meanwhile Snipes visits the medical and wonders where he has seen the SS-sign on the creatures back before!

Then the usual timefiller scenes come up(Dolph wandering around looking worried,Snipes and Rothrock having sex,Shadow siting at Bean`s bed,the rest playing poker....)and then all of a sudden the creature is gone and Bean is up again!Time to party!

As the whole SHiTT unit and the crew of the ship come together to enjoy a exclusive piano hour from Snipes,the pace picks up as Bean starts to cough and spills blood while holding his breast!The others try to help him but become witness to the birth of a new breed of evil when a little steelhand breaks out of Bean`s chest!As they scream in terror and go for the weapons the whole MONSTER breaks out and it is a little Von Stahlhand(Warwick Davies)who looks at Snipes and screams with a high pitched voice:"FRANZ"and runs away!In the meantime the ship gets atacked by the colonists who have been turned in some EVIL-HITLER clones(by Hitler`s clone machine,that he has in his underground mansion,which we see now in a movie stoping 5 minute Flashback.You know what happend to the colonists,so dont ask!).The SHiTT manages to fight the clones off but S.M. dies a heroic death by cleaning the exitramp with his body and some grenades screaming:"DIE YOU HITLEFUCKS!"(the whole thing is a major action scene 5-6 minutes long)and the WARSAW 2 starts,but gets hit from a rocket out of Hitler`s secret underground mansion!

As we return to the ship everybody is screaming and holding on to something as the WARSAW 2 crashes in the jungle of the DARK side of the Moon!Fade to Black!

have to take a break now guys, my head hurts.You get the Finale later,if you got any suggestions,let me know.hope you like it so far.

Even compared to outerspace... he's blacker!

2.Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez!choose one.

that's right it's The Alchemist...

one reason I was kind of going with El Diablo was so that when he busted in in Rothrock could go "Cody?" and I could throw a litle Juno jab in there

my only real complaint is the theft of the facehugger device.

Since the magnificent Alien, and the sensational Leprechaun in Space have covered cock and face impregnation may I suggest that the egg hatches behind his back into a worm creature with a moustache and centre parting that rectally penetrates him- thus infecting his colon.

To make the scene perfect I suggest you cast some unknown big-titted soft porn actress as Dr. Ffiona goodtime- a crack shitt marine and all round qualified scientist, who happens to have a mild dose of kleptomania.

When the SHiTT team lands on the moon she can be seen stealing things from the colonists pad, in an absent minded sort of way- she wanders into the lab and looks at the egg- it glows menacingly, and she picks it up. At that point Bean shouts and she turns to follow him, but neglects to put the egg back.

When they return to the ship, there are some drinks available and either Bean or Shadow- in the spirit of DTV I fee shadow should die first- have a long talk and a few bears with Dr Goodtime. Things heat up and they move back to her quarters where we see the egg on the table. They start getting down to it, and eventually are doing it naked (gratuitous tit-shot time)up against the wall in front of the table- when the egg hatches. Dr G. sees it and starts screaming, but shadow keeps pounding away. The creature launches itself off the table and into his arse. Thereby infecting him.

Dr G can die in some way that involves loss of clothing soon afterwards. Maybe shadow stuffs her in the airlock to keep his secret.

hmm, and I used the spellcheck in word on that.

Obviously that should read "a few beers"

a thing that goes anal or oral inside.But I let it go because I needed the "golden" moment of Snipes seeing the SS-sign on the back of the creature.But I like the Dr.G babe,she is in the sequel for sure!

let me know what ya'll think, this is our introduction to Falco plus some stuff for our sky diving scene

cut to FBI HQ, from the back, we see man walking through a plain hallway, surronded by aides, we hear the ring of a cellphone, cut to the front view and we see that the man in the trenchcoat is a good looking man, mid to late 30s, black hair, sunglasses, tailored suit, the works. This is Dept. Dir. Falco. The aide who answered the phone quickly hangs up

AIDE: Sir, we have a problem, a rouge agent

FALCO: who is it? Vern?

AIDE: No sir, it's Hunter

FALCO: Hunter IS NOT an agent, he threw down his shield, he walked away

AIDE: sir...

FALCO: What about Hunter

AIDE: well it seems sir, well it seems his crew has located another one

FALCO: The Alchemist?

AIDE: uh no sir, it's...

he motions for a foler which another aide hands him

AIDE: it appears to be...the skydiving one

by this point we have reached FLACO's office, FLACO turns in his doorway

FALCO: shit, that means Kicker is with him. Find them, you the usual places. Oh and make sure Mariah (because Mariah Carey is too dumb to remember her char. name) doesn't know, lock her in if you have to

cut to a long shot of a man skydiving, we see another skydiver coming at him as a manical laugh pierces the air. Cut to a two shot of the 2 divers one is a plain looking white man, JEFFERY, the other is KICKER.

KICKER: hey asshole, you like kicking the shit out of little girls? Well guess what, so do I

this sets up our big skydiving fight sequence. A series of punchs and kicks on both side. Then JEFFERY pulls out a knife

JEFFERY: You're nothing but a shitkicker Kikcer

JEFFERY reaches out to cut KICKER, KICKER then kicks up knocking the knife out of JEFFERY's hand, JEFFERY then deploys his shoot as KICKER pulls out a Samauri sword from behind his back and slices the chords on JEFFERY's chute. JEFFERY falls to his death as KICKER deploys descends slowly to the ground

KICKER: assface

As we return to the now crashed WARSAW2,we learn(in gruesome and violent pictures)that most of the crew is dead and the survivors are in bad shape(Psycho`s broken arm,Doc`s severe gut wound,which he closes with his portable welder and so on).Snipes and Dolph get the survivors out,but Rothrock is missing and Snipes enters the now burning WARSAW again and says:"Dont explode on my black ass now baby!".

Inside the ship everything is destroyed,but Snipes finds Rothrock stuck under some heavy steel piece!She is KO and the fire closes in on them!Now Snipes gets the STARE(look in part one)again!He grabs the steel and we hear some mechanic sounds out of his hands(this is when we see a Massive FB to part one,the struggle of his ancestor "Itzak Washinski"in Warsaw and shit and then we learn that since then in an secret family tradition the hands of every male son are sawn off at the age of 18 and replaced by artificial superhands to fight evil!Snipes also plays several other members of the family in the FB fighting evil all over the world!)as the FB ends we see how Snipes throws away the steel and rescues Rothrock.As they leave the ship and are 20 steps away it goes of in a huge explosion(the fate of Shadow stays unexplained DTV style)!

Now the running part starts,where they run from the Hitler clones(Psycho goes psycho and screams:"We`re gonna fucking die out here,not on EARTH but on the fucking MOON!").While they escape we go back to the remains of the WARSAW2.There we see little Von Stahlhand and how he starts transforming from Warwick Davies to the BIG BAD EVIL FIGHTING VON STAHLHAND CYBORG KILLER(Mickey Rourke)who starts hunting the survivors with his infrared sight!

Psycho dies a violent death by the hands of the Hitler clones,as he runs out of ammo and loses his cool,to be impaled on a bough where they leave him to die slowly!The remaining survivors get surrounded and fiercly beaten up,but manage to fight their way through 30-40 Hitler clones(huge hand to hand action with Dolph and Snipes,Trejo gets some Machete action and Rothrock goes all nifty Kung-Fu apeshit on the clones).

But without ammo and in the bad shape they are in,things look bad and they make their last stand at an old excavation site!The Hitler clones start coming in like flyies on the shit and Trejo gets torn to pieces after killing 10-15 clones with the machete!As things look really bad for our last three,we hear a HUGE GROWL out of the jungle and the fight stops!Then a Polarbear breaks through the trees and starts killing the Hitler clones!

The next FB tells us the story of a young Polarbear and his brother who get captured by Von Stahlhand and get seperated."Franz",the bad one becomes a fierce killer for Von Stahlhand!Hans,the good one becomes the pet of Hitler in his Berlin mansion(he knows Hitler is evil and trys to escape but fails)and as Hitler escapes to the Moon he takes Hans with him,but the rocket crashes and Hans escapes finally,and chooses to live a life of redemption(trying to make up for the evil deeds of his brother,by helping out the colonists secretly...)and has to witness how Hitler takes over!AND NOW IT IS PAYBACK TIME!

After our heroes are rescued by Hans,he brings them to the secret underground mansion of Hitler.As they get inside,Cyborg Von Stahlhand shows up and attacks them!A big fight gets going where Von Stahlhand uses all his powers(flamethrower,chain gun,invisibility,THE steelhand..)and kills Hans,but becomes a victim himself to the evil destroying superhands of Snipes(he punches through his head and says:"the war`s over metalhead!").After a short scene for dead Hans,they go on to take out Hitler,but only find an empty rocket hangar and see a white jetstream in the sky above!

The movie ends with our three survivors being rescued by the SHiTT-second unit and DOLPH saying:"Next time he wont get away!"looking determined at the sky.

thats it folks,it is longer then part one but I had to go the old DTV everything goes for this one.Hope you like it,let me know your thoughts!

I've got oh 5, 6 pages done for TLBT, I'll gladly e-mail them to you, let me know here or on my email erobert@nwkansas.com and I'll gladly send them to you. I appciate all your input

Travis, man you got a good treatment there as well, I'm curious about the third part because a story this grand needs a part 3...

.

I laughed really hard.Thats some good shit!

I'm seeing cloverfield today, and need to get my glasses fixed, plus the 'ticket' is a myspace page, so I hafta work out where there is a printer.

as for handling art chores spandau, I'll definetly do son of a gun, and would love to do some of Warsaw symphony, we can work out a page each type system if you want..

sorry I gotta go, I'll find out whats happening tomorrow.

and 'new' Dolph in WS2 should get a pointless expository videocall from president Norris at the start!

Now I gotta read through all of this wonderful trash.

have fun reading, that's what happened to me yesterday headed out about 6 and didn't look back until this morning about 8, missed so much

...in that FBI HQ scene. Also, I loved Kicker calling C. Thomas Howell an assface.

I'm working on Oleg's flashback scene in which Falco's stripper girlfriend Erica played by erica Campbell tries to seduce Oleg, I need some kind of sex reference to go with vodka

yeah i thought about going the whole Outlaw Vern thing but I figured that wasn't Falco's style

I am one of the least clever people I know. And I must admit that dialogue is one of my biggest weaknesses.

I understand, I studied theatre in college so I'm somewhat dialog orinted but not when it comes to like puns and stuff, that's why all C thomas Howell got was "assface"

One liners are almost an art-form. That have to straddle that fine line between "totally awesome" and "fucking awful."

i always wanted to change lines so while i love my dialog if an actor has a BETTER suggestion, I'm never opposed to it

I feel funny now!How do you like the new WARSAW chapter caruso?

...so, naturally, it's spectacular.

have a nice nap? I'm still chilling at work, the stupids in another office screwed me up and now I have to work late, anyways

I thought some stuff members would post too.Maybe the next one is better.

GANGSTAVISION

DMX plays Sweet-tooth, a low level thug who's never gone to jail because he thinks he has good intuition about scores. The Game plays Hustla Charlie, his partner in crime. Sweet-tooth constantly has premonitions, some help him plan scores, others are total red herrings, and some only make sense after they've come true.

Sweet-tooth starts testing his powers and planning bigger and bigger scores and getting richer and richer because he can see things, like stuff about security systems and if the cops are coming. But then he foresees Hustla double-crossing him and refuses to believe his lifelong best friend would screw him. So they go on their biggest heist yet, stealing the blood diamond from a corrupt NSA agent (James Spader). They get away with the diamond but Hustla shoots Sweet-tooth several times in the back and once in the head and throws his body off a bridge.

Sweet-tooth washes up miles up the river where a tribe of Native Americans tend to his wounds and bring him back to health. Sweet-tooth notices that he now has telekinetic powers from getting shot in the head, but he can't really control them. And his visions are more cryptic than ever.

Sweet-tooth talks to a tribesman about how he can see things and they tell him he must go see The Oracle (Kathy Bates). He climbs up a giant mountain and she tells him that he currently can see bits of everything and move something a little, but if he completes a spiritual journey he will be able to see all and move all. So he takes some drugs from her and we get a FIRE DOWN BELOW style spiritual journey, except at the part where he gets to the cave. Instead of like in the Seagal movie where he must choose between the beauty of a young woman and the wisdom of an old woman, in this movie the cave just has a bunch of hot chicks played by Erica Campbell, Bianca Beauchamp, Veronica Zemanova, and Sophie Howard and he starts having an orgy with them. But a cobra sneaks up him while he's having the orgy and he can suddenly see through the snakes eyes so he turns around and crushes it and then wakes up back with The Oracle and she says "Your jounrey is complete.... you now have the power of the hawk!"

The next shot is of Sweet-tooth climbing onto a mountain top with Indian war paint and calmly sinking into a meditation pose and a hawk takes off from a nearby nest. Sweet-tooth controls the hawk to fly in town and Sweet-tooth sees through its eyes that Hustla is living in his mansion, which he's redecorated with statues of famous black musicians, and banging his wife (Megan Good). He controls the hawk to pluck out Hustla's eyes while he's getting a blowjob from Megan Good. Hustla starts screaming at his security guards to follow the hawk! A chase scene involving rapper cars chasing a hawk ensues.

His security guards come back later in the evening and tell him they followed the hawk to an Indian reservation and that Sweet-tooth is still alive there. So Hustla calls James Spader anonymously and tells him that Sweet-tooth has the blood diamond and that he's hiding it with a tribe of Indians. So James Spader and a bunch of corrupt NSA guys driving black hummers roll up on the reservation and Sweet-tooth and the tribe must use Apocalypto style maneouvers to kill them all.

Then Sweet-tooth rides into town and struts into his old mansion. Hustla can't see so he thinks it's his security guard (who was played by Ving Rhames BTW) asking if Sweet-tooth is dead and then Sweet-tooth reveals that it's he and smashes Hustla's blind head in with a bust of Ray Charles.

That brought a little joy into my hollow life. Then I caught some sleep. The sleep was not as good as I hoped. I kept dreaming about "Beast Wars."

i want to see that movie like yesterday

caruso, yeah mine hasn't gotten answered yet, but here's hoping *raises a glass in toast*

Good shit, Spandau Belly. And I believe you meant ON DEADLY GROUND, not FIRE DOWN BELOW. Though they are easy to mix up.

and I'm already thinking about the sequel, with the Triad and the mexican mafia...Mark Decasco must be in there

I did mean ON DEADLY GROUND. The titles do all sounds alike.

If you liked that you should rent this DTV blaxploitation flick called WAIST DEEP staring Tyrese and The Game. It makes no fucking sense, and I think Meagan Good took tank-top acting lessons from Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I remember something about Tyrese's son being snatched and maybe he took his shirt off.

I'm not sure if you emailed me the score or not. I didn't get it, but I need it! ...so bad!

He died today.

he will make an 70mill.dollar Blockbuster out of it!

The guy had talent.

Yeah, the set up is that Tyrese is trying to turn his life around after a life of crime, but then an old gang buddy kidnaps his son saying he wants some loot he know Tyrese has from an old score, but Tyrese doesn't have it becoz his babymama stole it and split.

So for no reason Tyrese decides he should start playing the two rival gangs against each other. But he doesn't really disguise himself and the gang war he tries to start never goes anywhere. I forget how he ends up with Meagan Good, but they decide to get the money by breaking into a rich white dude's mansion. They get in and find the rich dude has a bunch of safe deposit boxes at various banks around town. So they decide to go to those banks and use robberies as a diversion for uhhhh.... robbing the safe deposit boxes for which they have the keys.

Then it turns out that even though those keys were in a rich white dude's house, they're The Game's safety deposit boxes and he gets all mad when Tyrese tries to pay his son's randsom with The Game's loot. (?) So they do what they should've done all along and shoot The Game. There's some wierd dialogue lifted directly out of Shawshank Redemption about the Mexican ocean having no memory and cleansing you of your sins. Then the cops show up and Meagan and Tyrese's son split with the loot while Tyrese tries to distract the cops in a lengthly car chase. Then we get the actual ending from The Shawshank Redemption where several months later Meagan Good is living in an oceanfront mansion in Mexico with Tyrese's son and them both thinking he must be dead. But then he strolls up casually along the beach and they all hug.

This movie is WTF after WTF and acted with total sincerity and cleavage that make it hilarious. Rent it.

Allways wondered why Singer did not cast him for X-Men(one of the older school kids,allways saw him as Iceman).

I don't know where I'm going to put this out but this is Oleg's flashback

background, our quartet has kidnapped Eric (Erica Campbell), Falco's stripper g/f and the snitch that turned our heros into Falco, Jeb (Mickey Rourke) is supposed to be watching her but he didn't, Hunter (Roberts) and Kicker (snipes) are off doing something, so that's where we are at

Olef is sitting on the edge of his bed in the rundown hotel they are staying at, the TV is on, but muted, some old B&W movie, peferably something Russian or featuring russians, there is a knock at the door

OLEG: Enter

Erica walks in, wearing something sheer and lacy, bottle of wine in hand

ERICA: hello, I thought you might like something to drink

How did you get free, Jeb is supposed to be watching you

ERICA: oh he's a little busy right now

OLEG: oh...well I perfer vodka

ERICA: [insert witty vodka/sex reference here]

Erica moves behind Oleg on the bed, and then lets out a little gasp, the camera moves behind Oleg hwere we see a nasty pattern of scars criss-crossing his back and shoulders

ERICA: what...what happened

FLASHBACK (all flashbacks are either in Sepia or the hazy foggy color distortion)Russian forest, daytime, a Russian Mafiso is standing behind a seated tied up Oleg, Singapore cane in hand

MAFISO: Tell us what we want to know

OLEG: Never adn when I get free I'm going to kill you, just like I killed your father

The Mafiso screams and begins to beat Oleg. ECU of blood falling from the cane. cut to CU of Oleg's face and eyes, we see determination, ECU of the ropes holding Oleg's hands and arms, cut back to Mafiso

MAFISO:I'm going to kill you and then rape you just like I raped your sister

cut to ECU of rope binding his hands and see it strain, then breaking, cut to Oleg standing, back covered in blood, camera does a 180 around the Mafiso and Oleg, you know a fight is going to break out here, The Mafiso lifts up his cane and brings it down hard on Oleg's head where it breaks, then BAM Oleg his the mafiso witha heavy forearm, the mafiso falls to the ground and pulls out a gun, a quick kick sends it flying through the snow. Oleg pulls him up and proceeds to beat on him, showing no Mercy. cut to a broken and beaten Mafiso laying in blood soaked snow, Oleg walkign away

FLASHFORWARD

it was nothing neccassary to get revenge

oleg then turns and graps Erica and throws her on the bed. A montage follows of them screwing

oh that does suck, had talented, hadn't done much lately but was always a pretty good actor

The Russian mafia dude should be played by the SANDMAN of ECW fame(that guy knows how to Singapore cane yor ass!).Nice one Bloo.

Do it all Mullholland Falls style. Lee Tamahori busted out some mad fading in and out of peach and other wacky solid color screens while Nick Notle puts the blocks to Jennifer Connelly. It was totally DTV style.

I'm gonna go watch Circle of Iron now. Night lads!

When the mafioso says "I'm going to kill you and then rape you just like I raped your sister" there will be ANOTHER flashback, this one even more distorted, of the mafioso raping Oleg's sister while a young Oleg watches helplessly.

...of the DTV film DEATH RING, starring Mike Norris and Don Swayze. I believe Billy Drago was the villian.

He should do a movie with Frank Stallone called:"The Other Twins:a tale of the ugly side of life!"

I forgot that Chad McQueen was in it, too. I like how they just used the last names, like it's trying to trick us into thinking that Chuck Norris, Patrick Swayze and Steve McQueen are in the movie.

http://tinyurl.com/3xlknx

Have to go to sleep soon!They did the name thing on Delta Force 3 too.The Cast was:Norris,Douglas,Cassavates and some other A-list Hollywood actors(!)love my DTV,hehehe!

...from what a recall. Just another "Most Dangerous Game" kind of premise where these dudes are being hunted. Then whoever wins gets the "Death Ring" which is a ring. I don't know if they get a cash prize or a blowjob from some stripper with fakes tits also, but it still sounds like a shitty game. Norris won, if memory serves.

that one kicks major ass 80`s style(it is like Most Dangerous Game too)!That`s DTV at his finest and in the 80`s they showed those movies in Cinema!They should start an DTV-Cinemas thing where you can watch DTV movies for 3dollars!I bet they would make a shitload of money!

They could have Seagal marathons and shit.

Look up the JLA TB,some good brawls are starting over there!

...back-to-back. Not the respectable Sam Raimi DARKMAN, but the DTV Vosloo-ain't-Neeson DARKMAN. I fucking love those movies. That scene in DARKMAN II when Durant straps a guy to a golf cart and launches him off a building. DARKMAN III may be less ridiculous than the second one, but it has a secret weapon: Jeff fucking Fahey. Fahey gets all the best dialogue and all the best moments, usually when he's playing Darkman disguised as the villian. It also includes Darlanne Flugel's last film role before she started teaching acting. She laughs a lot because she's an evil scientist.

He looked totaly crazy in Silverado!Darkman 2&3 are some crazy shit movies!I like it when Jeff fucking Fahey starts shooting with that BIG metal nail gun(have to put that in WARSAW3).

That was Colin Friels in the first DARKMAN. Though Jeff fucking Fahey does die laughing at the end of DARKMAN III while he is being crushed by giant gears that seemed like they didn't actually serve any purpose. Fahey does most of his acting in that movie with his eyebrows. Then there's a scene where he plays "Pop Goes The Weasel" on the piano with his "daughter" (he is Darkman at the time). By the end of the movie I was wondering why Darkman never got spun off into a weekly television series. It could've been awesome.

Hollywood movies!I am "In too deep".I have to go now,but will be back in 7-8 hours.Somehow I got a feeling this TB will go on a long time(DTV never dies!).Durant had that cigar thing going right,something with fingers right?ah what the hell!Good night Ladies an Gents.

DTV will never die. But the nail gun thing was an honest mistake. Giant nail guns are DTV as hell.

if thats the same movie with carradine playing a blind monk, then kickass, spandau,

that movie is called "the silent flute" here in the .au

a great movie.

and caruso, there was a pilot for a darkman series!

http://tinyurl.com/3yxtyy

http://tinyurl.com/35tbsn

some great scenes..

written by bruce lee.

"Tie two birds together, even though they have four wings they cannot fly" – The Blind Man

We could've had DARKMAN: THE SERIES. Damn you, powers that be!

Also, I would like to put forth my theory that DARKMAN III is actually DARKMAN II. In DARKMAN III, Peyton Westlake is an angry man who doesn't give a shit about anybody. The opening of DARKMAN II shows him taking out gangsters while a voice-over talks about how he fights crime. After the events in DARKMAN III, he learns to care about others again. DARKMAN II takes place after this, when he continues his liquid skin research and also gets to kick ass.

Carradine is awesome.

“Buddha once sat by a wall.. and when he arose he was.. enlightened."

“Do you compare yourself to Buddha?"

“Only.. to the wall.”

"It's hard to kill a horse.. with a flute"

Cord: How long have you been blind?

Blind Man: How long have you been blind?

Cord: I'm not blind.

Blind Man: Am I?

Cord: Do you answer every question with a question?

Blind Man: Do you question every answer?

Cord: Aww, talking to you is like talking to a wall.

Blind Man: Buddha once sat before a wall, and when he arose he was enlightened.

Cord: Do you compare yourself with Buddha?

Blind Man: (chuckles) No. Only to the wall.

...mostly because of the references to Chaos Theory - although that surprise twist at the end nearly ruined that...

The ones you come across totally at random can sometimes be the coolest ones, huh?

I remember flicking through channels late one night (a looong time ago) and seeing this film I'd never heard of and knew nothing about called THEY LIVE - oh man! Pure serendipity! It's now one of my favourite John Carpenter flicks...

Blind Man: A fish saved my life once.

Cord: How?

Blind Man: I ate him.

http://tinyurl.com/3y78lr

...of conversation with the Blind Man. Eventually I'd get annoyed and tell him to fuck off.

not with more scenes though, I went over to a friends house and watched The Simpsons movie on his 32 in LCD HDTV, now I'm jelous and need to get one, even bigger though, with tits...ok maybe not tits but yeah, so we need to get this movie going I've got a HD TV to buy

Darkman II and III are great films, I remember probably about 97, 98 at the height of Xena populairty I was iwth a buddy in a video store and I don't know i fDarkman III had just ocme out or if they had just rereleased it but the chick that played Gabrielle in Xena was in Darkman III like for 5 seconds but it was really pimped out to make ya think she was in it alot, so this buddy of mine who was really like scary into Xena decides he has to see this movie, but he can't watch the 3rd part until he's seen parts 1 and 2. so we get some beer, rent all 3 darkmans get trashed while watching them

She was in DARKMAN II as the brother of the scientist that Durant kills. Then Vosloo tried to warn her that they were bad dudes and shit and she totally blew him off. What a bitch.

That is not accurate at all.

As the asshole reported who will do anything to get her "big story." She spent most of the movie smoking and trying to expose the truth. After she does her report on Durant she gets killed in a car bomb explosion. Even though it looks as if no more than five minutes could've gone by between airing the report and the bomb exploding, so Durant works pretty fucking fast. Unless the bombing was unrelated. Maybe Delaney was in a restaurant and sitting near this mobster's family the the non smoking section and shit lit up a cigarette and the mobster was like "Do you know who I am?" And she said something like "Yeah, you're Vincent Coletti, the mob boss." And he'd say "I'm trying to have dinner with my family here. Could you put out the cigarette?" But she totally didn't put out the cigarette, so he had his goons take her outside and destroy all of her cigarettes. Then later when Coletti was fucking a stripper and doing blow, he said "Man, that bitch at the restaurant really pissed me off." And his right-hand man Sal said "What bitch?" And Coletti said "That bitch who wouldn't put her cigarette out. I'd like to find her and teach her a lesson. Yeahhh..."

I knew it was something like that, but wasn't positive, just remembered getting hammered while watching all 3 Darkmans...and yes she was a bitch

crap what's she doing now...Oleg's raped sister maybe?

Didn't watch it, but I saw the first one for some fucking reason. It was actually a decent if not original or good movie, but the last ten minutes or so were just awful.

that is all.

I think if they ever make Darkman 4 they should set it in Space. All 4th films should be in space.

steven "ibelievedatsmystapler" root

that "phonie" guy from seinfeld,

larry david's fat friend in curb..

...and bring up ROBOCOP 3?

as I am working on my last chapter of the WARSAW trilogy,I suddenly realised that we have no Fantasy DTV in here!I mean some huge LOTR ripoff has to be done(i hate LOTR)!Any ideas?

http://tinyurl.com/3xj6bc

but it's not the most star studded concept in the world,

just 200 years on and more dragons, plus people who eat mostly dragon meat become goblin people, big suits of armour that cover the face, infighting, men who wear their suits day and night..

too gloomy/steampunk for a good DTV.

activates a timetravel device, sending them to the past, they find time is confluxing [sciencey so no explanations]

dinosaurs! robots! ninjas!

meh, you'll do better.

Nazis with artificial hands definetly needs an fucking AFRO(also an homage to Black Belt Kelly)!

drawings.

art sounds pretentious.

Why the fuck we dont work for a DTV company!When some DTV dude sees all that stuff he will go nuts!

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/4023/warsaw1sz8.jpg

http://tinyurl.com/3b9h74

Dark Angel- I think it was called "I come in Peace" in America.

intergalactic Drug dealers harvesting humans as a source of heroin for aliens.

Genius. But as it is the sequel I suggest we do a kind of reverse Predator 2 on it and set it in Victorian London- Think about it, hookers, sleaze, drugs, crappy costumes, improbable accents, intergalactic drug wars and (wait for it) a REALLY STUPID ANSWER AS TO WHO JACK THE RIPPER WAS!!!!!!!

I'd buy that for a dollar.

jack the ripper is actually an ailen bounty hunter who was killing infected prostitutes who were about to unleash destruction upon the earth

as an unlikely victorian copper, with a mild opium addiction and a penchant for hookers.

I would also like to see some big breasted type cast as Hooker number 6- the one that Jason saves from the ripper.

Warwick Cast as, "Nobby Stiles"- a local dwarf beggar/ informant, and Dolph as OLEG KNOCKEDABOLLOCKOV a horny russian sailor looking to blow his earnings on syphlitic poon, who becomes the only victim to the killings by duty of being with the hooker when the intergalactic drug dealer turned up. And Danny Trejo as the intergalactic drug dealer.

it would be great.

at least, I think that's what the premise of the original was.

The only problem/ bonus is I think I've stolen from about 8 different films (and not even subtly) with that concept.

If I see any of these concepts produced by some cunty studio. Lionsgate in particular.

face the truth guys!

Nice one Jarv!

http://tinyurl.com/yvv3po

one of those crap what if some POS studio decides to produce one or an assortment of ideas from these movies...crap we'll have to go to court

I can just see it now JUDGE: yes Mr...Bloo is it? Tell me where did you get the name Bloo

ME: umm from Foster's Home for Imaganary Friends

JUDGE: I see from a children's cartoon

ME: umm yes

JUDGE: and did you write "fuck you bitch cunt" and "I'm going to rape you like I raped your sister" and then proceeded that with a flashback within a flashbac

ME:umm the Flashback within the flashback was Spandu Belly's idea

JUDGE: Spandu Belly?

ME: umm yeah

JUDGE: and you REALLY want to sue for copyright infringement?

ME: I'll leave now

funny shit!

oliver clozof

and the wilheim scream.

aiuoghhhh!

that has to be the longest DTV TB ever!

do we dare even try to push even further?

We haven't even begun to mine the potential vein of gold here.

I'm actually going to write that Dark Angel 2 screenplay.

At least if it gets pinched I can say "Mine WAS better, fuckers"

be like Monica Belluci in Shoot Em Up? That and Snakes on a plane were totall DTV that just got released in theatres. You know I wonder if they shouldn't have intentionally released them DTV kinda of like King's Bachman books, where he published them direct to paperback. If they had I wonder if they wouldn't have at least gotten some kind of weird cult following? Smokin Aces could concievably go in the same catagory. Theatre releases that perhaps should have gone to DTV, not because of quality but because their storylines were just so DTV

Yes, Circle of Iron/Silent Flute is the David Carridine flic of which you speak. The wierd thing is the packaging had the title Circle of Iron, but then when you watch the movie the title Silent Flute appears on the screen. Strange.

And yeah, Carridine was awesome as the monkey and as that cat of death creature. I didn't think it was him until the end credits, but I spotted him as that gyspsy lord. It was still a good movie with loads of awesome dialogue and some good visuals. On the DVD they interview a present day Carridine and he talks about hwo apparently the scene with Eli Wallach trying to disolve his member in oil was actually added in a rewrite. That was a total El Topo moment in the film.

And I agree with you guys on Shoot 'Em Up, this movie suffered from being released theatrically. I'm sure if it had been slated for DTV they would not've recieved the budget to ruin the soundtrack with somebody's 80s hairband mix tape and would've gone with some classy Stuntock Mike score action.

Maybe there are a bunch of people out there for whom Poison, Montley Crue, Loverboy etc. holds some sort of folklore or mystique and those people always wished they'd played that kinda stuff during action sequences, but I'm not one of them. And there was definately too much action and too many good ideas that none of them really got built up enough. That whole part where he goes all Home Alone in the gun factory had so much more potential.

I'd love a The Substitute marathon! I know Treat Williams replaced Tom Berenger in the title role for a while, but maybe we're due for a new substitute? Either make it DMX infiltrating a rich kids school or go the same route as the others and cast some Eric Roberts type. I'm fine either way.

I like the idea of DMX infiltrating a rich kids school...make it kind o fa Sustitute/Toy Soliders hybrid

my little town has an abadndoned theatre, i'm curious what it would take to turn that into a DTV theatre...hmmm maybe cobble togather a $200 projector and a DVD player

I like the idea of DMX infiltrating a rich kids school...make it kind o fa Sustitute/Toy Soliders hybrid

my little town has an abadndoned theatre, i'm curious what it would take to turn that into a DTV theatre...hmmm maybe cobble togather a $200 projector and a DVD player

van Damme,Sasha Mitchell,Chuck Norris marathon!5 movies for 10 bucks!

hello Caller thanks for calling into TalkBack Pictures what's our name

Chambers

ME: welcome Chambers, what have you got for us

CHAMBERS: Here’s my contribution that kinda ties in with some of the other talkback Movie universe. Hopefully top Shit DTV that will never be made, but would be fun to watch.

Thanks

Presidential Seal

Chuck Norris as we already know from other talkback productions is the president of the USA. An independent president and ex Navy Seal. He ran for office as he wanted to change the system, but he discovers after staff conversations with Deputy Director Falco [TLBT] and DEA officer Danny Trejo{Blood Brothers] that the system is so corrupt even the President of the USA can’t change it by legislation alone.

Falco he doesn’t trust and wishes, from what he had heard about the guy, Hunter was still in the department during this administration [maybe a stand alone or cut scene from another movie of Hunter on his bike riding through the desert and beating up some perps]

Norris respects Trejo who had also served in the military in tough circumstances [maybe a flashback of Trejo being captured and tortured briefly before getting the upper hand on his captives and using machine guns to escape]

Trejo tells Norris of a man named Spin, like Keyzer Soyze he is surrounded by myth and legend feared and is THE man behind the system. Trejo tells Norris he would like to find Spin but is working on another case [Blood Brothers]

Norris dwells on this and a flashback from his days in ‘Nam, tells the motives for his drive against injustice in the system. His platoon was killed in action after being betrayed by a high ranking officer [Michael Ironside].

Leaving the white house via a secret tunnel he goes calling around capitol Hill “ Chuck Norris hands on style” to get more information on Spin.

Norris realises as the web of conspiracy unravels it will need more then him to take down Spin and his secret army, so enlists the help of some former buddies from a platoon that didn’t die. [Peter Weller, Patrick Bergin, Robert Englund, and Michael Duncan Clarke] These guys are too bad assed for that to happen.

They track down Spin’s base of operations to Area 51, and taking command of air force one the rag tag team of commandos head for the final show down.

I also think there would be a scene on AF1 where some of the soldiers have brought on board strippers for a pre-battle party.

AF1 lands and the soldiers storm the base, ass-kicking and shooting there way to get to Spin. They go into the base and get there hands on some heavy alien weaponry [Along the way we see Oleg/ Dolph in his cryo chamber]

As they get closer to Spin, he releases some kind of alien monster super soldier but Norris evades it to his guys to deal with, as he goes off for Spin - revealed as Michael Ironside the officer who betrayed him in Nam.

That’s about it but I would also like to offer another cameo in the area 51 scene for Malcolm McDowell who plays a semi-immortal archaeologist in another planned Talkback Movie Warhead: Weapon of the Gods.

Thoughts ...

Chambers is having trouble posting in the Talkback, but I know he's reading so go on and post your thoughts

me, crap I'd see it

HA! I always forget about him, man, ok I'm custom creating roles for him and a few others for TLBT 2: Blood Vengence

one of my co-workers found my hand written notes for TLBT and was asking me what I was writeing so I was trying to explain it to her and her response "that's too funny, I wish I was creative like that"

Norris is former DELTA FORCE(we can use FB`s with him and FUCKING LEE MARVIN!and have LEE MARVIN on the DVD cover!).

Not an alien monster,but an clone of General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Rourke)!In an FB we learn how the Russians tryed to use his evil DNA but failed and somehow the evil SPIN dude got posession of him and Oleg!When the heroes close in on him he releases him(imagine the hefty hand to hand between zombie Von Stahlhand and Michael Clarke Duncan!)

And of course Norris has to die in the end together with Ironside(beating each other to death,Spin dies first and Norris gives a heroic speech and names Peter Weller to be the new President!In DTV it works!)and that gives us the great chance to gather all living TalckBack heroes at the funeral of the President!

Hope you dig my ideas,the Chambers thing is good!We need some feedback from caruso and the others!

thank you

Hans the Polar Bear HAS to be at the Funeral of President Norris...

Lee Marvin on the cover classic

since it is DTV,he can make a cameo somewhere in the background!And we will see Hans again in WARSAW3:Oleg`s Revenge(working title)!I feel some real Polarbear love around here!

But for now

Thnak you for posting bloo and thank you travis-dane.

At the funeral Weller sees Norris and CGI Marvin as ghosts standing re-united by the coffin just like at the end of Jedi

And then a trailer for Coming soon Presidential Seal 2: First Lady starring Brigitte Nielsen.

Also a quick run through of WARHEAD: Weapon of the gods.

It begins in 1902 Malcolm McDowall is a professor and Christian Slater [ in a derby hat] his understudy. They enter a Chinese temple where monks are gathered for the beginning of a ceremony that happens once every 100 years - The light of Eternity. Basically you have to be standing in the right spot in the temple so when the light from a [ DTV science explained] solar eclipse comes through a special glass in the temple wall it bathes the person in a light giving them eternal life. McDowell has come to witness the ceremony for the good of man but a fight breaks out between the monks and McDowall and Slater but they use guns against the Kung Fu. The light begins to shine through the glass and McDowell is standing in the right spot, the beam travelling up his body until Slater shoots him shouting “out of my way I’ve been in your shadow all my life“. Slater gets the full dose. We then see a montage of Slater through the years as a soldier of Fortune [wearing different hats of the eras] and in different locations, including yes, Warsaw, on the side of the nazis like Belloq. . However his crimes catch up with him in the late sixties, and through newspaper headlines we see he is jailed for life [Which for Slater would now mean a very long time] until in modern day deputy director Falco appears at his cell door offering his freedom in exchange for locating the Warhead. A DTV mythical helmet that allows the wearer to command the army of the gods. Falco wants it, so he says, for the good of the country. Racing to reach the warhead before him is McDowell who is also still around but after only being in the light for a few seconds, is not immortal but aging slowly. So in the scene in 1902 he would be wearing a black wig, or would now have the white beard. I think as well, when Slater comes out of the prison he meets up with his bastard offspring son who didn’t inherit the internal life so could be played by Peter Fonda.

After that I don’t know what happens except it will be good …

And perhaps before they get to the temple at the beginning which is up in the mountains and snowbound they are attacked by Hans the polar bear [again DTV geography knows no limitations to the boundaries of polar bears] and Slater saves McDowell’s life making you think he is a good guy and so the betrayal in the temple is a shock

And perhaps the Army of the gods are ghost soldiers that could now be led by President Norris. Like the dirty dozen. I do see Kris Kristofersson, erick Estrada and Tim Thomerson in that unit.

Yes it will be good …

One last question. Does Rourke have a brother who acts too? Starring alongside the Travolta, Swayze, Douglas Stallone brothers would be awesome. 

another great post Chambers, Christian Slater in a derby, classic

when she looks good use your "creativity" on her dude!;-)

That's it. I'm never sleeping again.

ironic_name, you are my god. Flying dwarves, Dolph punching a polarbear, Warsaw Wesley. Great shit.

PRESIDENTIAL SEAL would be badass, with plenty of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking action. (Could Mike Norris get a bit part as a Secret Service agent?) And I would watch WARHEAD: WEAPON OF THE GODS in a heartbeat.

and it is a crying shame what goes on there!Fucking insensitive BASTARDS!

And it's a shame when young people (this is coming from a 21 year old) throw their lives away with drugs and shit.

good idea, but WAYYY too young and hyper for me...besides she said if it was too violent she wouldn't watch it and you know, there is no such thing as TOO violent

caruso, just catch up and join in the melee, that's how I feel when I miss several hours of talkback

“Out of my way, I’ve been in your shadow all my life!“

I can totally picture that.

something to work with guys!Bloo thanks for posting over there and caruso what`s up with Blood Brothers?

hey man, thanks for directing me over there, but don't let it get you worked up, it's the internet and I swear some people just love to cause trouble because they have empty meaningless lives

I could express myself better on such things!But you are right it is not worth it and since some TB`s with common sense arrived over there I feel better.Thanks.

I am currently attempting to write up an outline. Nothing too fancy. Maybe three pages at the most. I was thinking the film should open with the twins being born (obviously). Then the parents give them up for adoption. One will go to a loving home (future DEA Agent Frank Reyes) and the other will end up in foster care (future drug lord Armando "The Ghost" Ramos) where he will spend his childhood being passed from foster home to foster home, being abused and neglected. Naturally (as is the case with all foster kids in movies) he will seek a life of crime, climb the ranks in a drug cartel and eventually take control of it.

I would have jumped in on that Brad Renfro talkback, but there were already a few people there saying the stuff I would have said, only more clearly and better.

and as for BB:The bad twin needs to be raised from Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez(just for a little while and Trejo could pull a short third role to show what an master actor he is)!

To his old lady: Bitch, why do we have all these damn kids! I'm trying to watch "Perry Mason" and they keep shitting their pants!

EDL's Lady: Goddamnit, Javier, joo idiot! Do joo want that government checks or not?

EDL: Bitch, I don't need no government checks! I'll got rob the fuckin' convenience store down the street. And take this little bastards outside, blow the shit off them with the hose!

Then he could take the bad twin under his wing and teach him the ways of crime

I'm heading home early for thie first time this week and my home PC is acting up so I probably won't be on tonight, but I'm going to work up some new pages for TLBT hopefully I'll have them here and ready to go tomorrow morning, so check back

travis, caruso, Chambers, Spandu, Franklin etc if some of you are around, I'll see ya too...remember if you need to catch me on the e-mail it's erobert@nwkansas.com

"Direct Universe"is going strong!Bloo:looking forward to it,the first pages were good shit man!

...could serve as some sort of social commentary. There are plenty of cases in the States where people have all these foster kids so they can get money from the government and then they neglect and starve the kids. BLOOD BROTHERS can help "make aware" of this problem, even going so far as to have a disclaimer at the beginning, claiming BLOOD BROTHERS is an educational film. Much like CHAOS. Though I don't think we'll need a DVD feature where Danny Trejo takes a tour of a foster home and flexes his muscles while shirtless.

who gets assraped by El Diablo to show the evil twin what happens to people who dont pay their debts(you know the hard no fun punishment assrape,like Norton gets in History X).And imagine Trejo doing that and saying:"Wat up now BITCH!flex it for me BITCH!"DTV Gold again!

Hahaha!

The Ghost wasn't born bad. He was made bad by an uncaring system. Agent Reyes turned out good because he was raised by loving parents who pushed him to be the best that he could be. And after they were killed in an automobile accident caused by a driver high on narcotics, he swore to dedicate his life to battling drugs and those who sell them.

files of the ADOPTING agency"and below it says:

"Learn the shoking truth about two BROTHERS only seperated by FATE!

"True storys are allways good on DTV!I should sell my WARSAW trilogy that way!

The "true event" in this case being World War II.

...explaining how World War II started, with sounds of explosions and marching in the background. Cut in some black and white footage of Nazi soldiers, aerial dogfights, Hitler making impassioned speeches. This opening sequence must go on for at least five minutes, with a narrator reading along with the opening crawl in case there are illiterates in the audience (see ALONE IN THE DARK and it's two minute opening crawl w/ narrator over a black screen w/o music).

"What you are about to see is based on secret files of the US and Sowjet intelligence services,which have been recovered from an top secret vault under the white house!This is the TRUE story of...."

I bet there are some people who would believe that shit!

...who believe it right now!

all that old DTV gold?I mean I am 32 and have watched and forgotten more DTV then others will ever see!But you seem to know your shit!Are you maybe Vern`s lost son?

I'll admit, I probably haven't watched as much DTV as you. But I've seen my share. At my last count, I've seen over 1500 movies. If I looked through that list, most of those movies would probably be shitty. One of those films in particular succeeded in turning me off of beef ravioli. I have seen CYBORG COP. So I guess I've done my homework.

and Chad McQueen and that blonde karate dude(his name escapes me right now,he was in the famous real movie version of FIST OF THE NORTHSTAR!The original anime is BTW the best non DTV-DTV movie that I ever seen!check it out if you can it has all the goods)?I think it is called Death Ring or Cage or something.Thats crazy shit!

Though I had the misfortune of seeing portions of FIST OF THE NORTH STAR, such as Chris Penn getting his head exploded. And I think Ruffio from HOOK was in it.

I believe the movie you're thinking of is FIREPOWER.

as I was in your age(no offense)I had a little book where I wrote every movie in I ever saw(I lost it somwhere)and as I got older I lost touch with the DTV!But then some years ago I discovered VERN`s work and that brought me back!And now that TB!awesome!

I started writing the list when I was living in a shitty motel for three months. I was sharing the room with two other people. Luckily, the t.v. got basic cable or I probably would've gone insane. But I spent a lot of time taking walks and racking my brain trying to remember all the movies I'd seen. So I'm still contributing to it. Which reminds me that I still have to watch A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. I bought it like three weeks ago!

His review for the WALKING TALL DTV sequel starring Kevin Sorbo is what drew my interest here. Then I checked out his website and was instantly converted.

will send him an E-Mail.And A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS and the sequels are Masterpieces!In my opinion "The Good,The Bad and The Ugly" being the best!

I think the opening credit montage should be Norris's rise to power just showing him arriving at debates, roundhouse kicking the other guy, then leaving, and stuff like that.

is my favroite Leon film. Of the Man With No Name trilogy, I think I actually like For A Few Dollars More most because you get Clint as the ass-kicking opportunist bounty hunter AND Lee Van Cliff with the more personal revenge angle, though I prefered him as the villain in Good, Bad & Ugly.

Tuco is one of the best dudes ever to appear on screen!

If I had a Top 5 Favorite Fucking Movies List, that would be pretty high up there. Right along with ROBOCOP, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, KISS KISS BANG BANG, DEATH TO SMOOCHY (maybe I'm the only one), and ZODIAC. That's more than five, but fuck it!

I also watched ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA recently. I thought the first half was great. The second half was getting into some weird fucking surreal territory that I didn't entirely dig, but overall I thought it was an awesome flick.

It's funny, I was talking about him disolving his own penis in Circle of Iron earlier. I couldn't believe they got him for one scene to play a guy who wanted to rot his own dick off. I mean, I'd play that part, but who thought to actually ask Eli Wallach? I wonder if they asked anybody else first? Or who would their next choice have been?

I forgot to mention SEVEN SAMURAI. That movie blows my fucking balls off!

When his name came up in the trailer, I immediately knew he would only be in once scene. Since he was nowhere else in the trailer.

Two great actors with just one scene in great movies!;-)

I just found it didn't really build to anything and wasn't a virturoso style piece like Leone's other stuff. I realize that all his movies are about how conveluted they can make their second halves, but in 'America' it just didn't work for me. I liked some individual scenes, but on the whole it's definately not a film I enjoyed.

in my hand and was confused!Is it worth it?

I hear it's not on VHS or DVD, but I got it on TCM back in November. It was one of Eli Wallach's early movies and I think it was directed by Don Siegel. Anyway, Wallach plays this hitman type who is looking for this doll full of heroin. He gets to do some harsh shit like shoot a guy in the back (on camera, with blood!), threaten a little girl and her mother, and even kicks a wheelchair-bound man off a balcony!

That is the kind of movie you either love or hate. Ebert gave it zero stars in his review, said it was a terrible movie. Personally, I thought it was fucking hilarious and features one of my favorite Robin Williams performances.

...is that even in it's 230 minute version, stuff still doesn't quite add up. Apparently, there's still about 40 minutes cut out of it that we'll probably never see, but would probably clear some shit up. I have to agree with you that it has some great fucking moments (especially in the first half) but overall the film doesn't quite click.

you know the steelhand will get you!And i dont know the line up.

...it's a love it or hate it situation. And General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand doesn't scare ME!

I love the DICK line up in ...Time in America!And HULK`s girlfriend was pretty hot!

Is also missing some key scenes that they claim to have "forgotten" to ever film. I found that pretty mental and hard to believe. Though overall the film still made a fair bit of sense in a more ambiguous kind of way (especially John/Sean's past threesome). But it's okay. I guess Leone was just a frantic disorganized guy who somehow made brilliantly slowpaced films.

Seemed like a weird fucking movie for Leone.

I have to say I haven't seen probably 90% of comedies out there. Like caruso The Big Lebowski is one of my favortie movies, and I think that one was supposed to be a comedy even though it's got a good mystery plot. I have a better time laughing at action movies than shit that's supposed to be funny.

"It cleans out my lungs. And it gives me a hard-on."

For the longest time I thought James Woods was the main character in that film. His face is on the cover of the DVD and I've always only heard Robert DeNiro mentioned in passing.

On the DVDs they get everybody, including Clint, to talk about Leone's quest to be David Lean and keep making longer films that were bigger and bigger in scope and more melodramatic with more elaborate set pieces. With Duck You Sucker Leone kinda made a film so big that it crushed him. It's a difficult film since it really starts out as a buddy road comedy movie with wacky jokes about raping bourgeousie bitches and other classic gags and turns into a tradgic tale about the human cost of revolution and the brutality of those who claim to fight for humanity but it's got some merit. I wouldn't watch it again, but I'm glad I watched it once.

I think I stopped watching about the time James Coburn showed up riding a motorcycle and using an Irish accent.

which one is it?Fuck the Germans for renaming movies!

Todesmelodie=deathmelody!It has something to do with war and so on,I think it is Leones last movie,but I could be wrong!

should we decide who wants to make a webcomic for AICN?

and in what order? I was thinking TLBT, followed by WS.

I'm a pretty decent cartoonist and a good dialoguist.

But like I said, I'm working on finishing something else right now, but would do it next. But I could work up some mock artwork/covers for you guys to gage my talent and how the TLBT comic would look.

pretty good stuff.

see ya later!

I'm cool with that.

I think he's the only other guy here with visual arts skills. If you guys want to see a badassed drawing of mine to get an idea of my style, a cage fighter who calls himself Snakefox on account of he beats people with a snake and a fox, wrote me a few months ago asking me to draw him riding a motorcycle, fucking a lady, and ripping the balls off a dragon in a valley of skulls.

http://tinyurl.com/2nvqmb

Snakefox.

...called CARUSO STALKER'S TWELVE DAYS OF CARUSMAS. This would be a total ego project where I basically lay out my semi-annual celebration of Carusmas. I get drunk and watch episodes of NYPD BLUE while making belligerent phone calls to family members and masturbating to Bridget the Midget. I was thinking it could maybe be a pop-up book. Any thoughts?

I think you need to make it scrath and sniff.

I'm going to bed, night-night y'all!

holy cow this Talkback is really disengrating and I love it...the 12 Days of Carusmas and we need to put "based on a TRUE..." on EVERYTHING! At this point we need to do some kind of teen sex comedy too, like the American Camp Presents movies or cheezy National Lampoon movies

and speaking of bad Chuck Norris movies, I have one I need to watch again, it's one of his Christian movies, where he plays a cigar smoking, beer drinking angel who protects these missionaries who crash into some devil controlled town in Texas...I think it was Austin

...I won't be working on the comic books:

http://tinyurl.com/3bkzjc

you can be frank miller, I'll be David mazzucelli

[and yes, I am aware that frank is an artist too, but we're nerds, and we got the Batman: year one reference, right?]

snakefox is cool, he needs to fight the cloverfield monster

what?

Though I have a bit of an obsession with ALPHA FLIGHT.

Back in the fuckin' '70s (this would've been '79, I believe) this team of Canadian superheroes showed up in... I think it was X-MEN. Anyway, originally they were just part of the back story for Wolverine, but they got spun-off into their own series in 1983. I think it ran until '94. Then it had a few revivals, but none were successful. Anyway, the original line-up included a superhuman dwarf named Puck, a guy named Guardian who was the Canadian equivalent to Captain America, this dude named Sasquatch who was basically the Hulk of the team only instead of turning into a huge green motherfucker he turned into a huge fuckin' sasquatch. The series mixed science fiction with mysticism, as there were a few Native-Canadian types who did magic powers and shit. There was this chick who could change into bears and eagles and stuff. And there was this green alien chick who eventually married the Sub-Mariner. The team also had one of the first openly gay superheroes.

Basically, Alpha Flight's job was to protect Canada from dangerous mutants. They were also different from other superhero teams like the X-Men in the sense that they were government-funded program. Mostly what got me interested in the series was the fact that the team was based out of Canada, which was a nice change from most other Marvel superhero comics that take place in New York. Plus, it's got a guy named Sasquatch and a fucking superhuman dwarf! Who doesn't love that shit?

mentioned X-Men!I played a PC game named X-Men legends2:Rise of Apocalypse and in the game the X-Men spend some time in the Alpha Flight HQ!Cool game BTW,if you like some action PC game check it out!

I googled the name and got nothing that made any sense.

You said you be part of the comic because and then posted a link, but I can't open it at work. Could you tell me what it is? Is it some link explaining that you're really Todd McFarlane and therefore too good for TLBT or something?

The link shows you a pretty shitty picture of Kicker and C.Thomas H. getting it on in midair.I think caruso wanted to say his drawing skills are not so good.

Is this the Lost talkback again?

time read the TB from the start.Then you get it.If not,nevermind.

can you sum it up fot me?

This talkback is a warm bowl of awesomeness with Danny Trejo sprinklings served by Dolph Lundgren with an ice cold glass of Wesley Snipes and some motorcylces for dessert.

but spandau explained it beautifully for me, thanks man

what?It has a "Evil Laughing Electric Wheelchair Driving Gangster Boss Midget named:...FALCOn!"the world is a small place!

There's a bunch of names that are characters in every movie.

There has to be a secret DTV bible somewhere!

I don't. I'm not trying to be a pooper or anything. I've barely read any of the stories on this project since mania about it burst out a year ago or so. Maybe if watched any of this J.J. Abrams shows I'd worship him and anything he wanted to produce, but I don't. I only saw his Mission Impossible movie and that wasn't anything special. I guess he's another one of these Joss Whedon types or something.

I'll see cloverfield, but I'm not a big JJ fan. I like LOST, in fact I LOVE Lost but that's more Lindof and Cruse then Abrams, I think he's a decent director, better then some, worse then others. I enjoyed MI:3 thought it was at least as good as MI:1. A buddy of mine and I have this arguement all the time, he loves MI:2 and I think it's the worst, cuz it's all about Cruise there's no team aspect at all.

Maybe not even that many.

anyhow http://tinyurl.com/2ezsz3

theres a page of mazzuccelli art, from batman: year one.

I will begin work on TLBT, and try to post something later tonight. spandau, wanna split the difference? 50/50?

I guess we're the only ones with nothing better to do.

Show me what you've got. I'm definately not the world's greatest cartoonist and in all likelyhood you can draw better. I definately feel that TLBT should be all illustrated by one person so that it looks consistant. And like I said, I've got something else on my plate right now that I really want to finish, so if you've got the time and the skill, go nuts! I can't wait to see it.

What's worse is the 10 year old package I use to color in my illustrations has some bug in it. I've tried reinstalling but it just won't fix it. So I'm affraid that the last thirty pages of my graphic novel will be done with some other program and look like I contracted the work out to some Korean sweatshop or something.

I know who Frank Miller is, I just don't read many comic books because I don't like superhero stuff. There are a few that more straight up dramas or at least noirist stories that I enjoy. But the medium is so dominated by superheroes that I just don't get into it much. Maybe that means my graphic novel won't have much of a place, but whatevs. We'll see.

FFFFUUUUUCCCKKKIINNNGGG!!!!!AAGGHHHHH

hit the POST button AAANNNNDDDDD my FUCKING INTERNET LINE CRASHED!!!!!!it is all gone!i have to write all of it again!!!!travis is sad.

Nothing pisses me off more than when I get a burst of inspiration and type out some three-page essay on some piece of shit movie I liked or something, only to have my computer crash, or a car drives through my bedroom wall.

that would be funny somehow!On the Clover...shitload of reviews TB we discuss some alien ET midget love,that helps!

Making things in genres that I like but in a way that I'm vaguely disinterested and indifferent about seeing them. I mean, LOST seems like a really good show with good acting and clever ideas, but I just can't bring myself to watch it. ALIAS sounded like my type of espionage thing, and I never watched it. I like Godzilla type movies, but just care about seeing Cloverfield.

starring Swayze versus Meatloaf as crazy truckers?

Cinemas for one week(I saw it on TV 6-7 years ago)!

I could've sworn it was, anyway. Randy Travis played Swayze's sidekick who wanted to be a country singer but couldn't carry a tune. Charles S. Dutton played an agent of some kind.

and then my destiny is fullfiled!or something like that...

kinda like Shoot 'Em Up, I saw the ads and planned to see it, but it was gone right away. They had to make room for Resident Evil 3. I haven't seen RE3, probably won't, but I bet it was actually more entertaining then Shoot Em Up. What a disappointment.

Anyway, my computer is all fritzy. Night lads. I'll see you guys at work tomorrow, where I have a more stable computer.

I'll do WS..

anyway, here are two pics from TLBT:

http://tinyurl.com/2pgh2l

http://tinyurl.com/3yqzt6

they don't make a lot of sense, because i was going to use photoshop bullshittery™ to add a drawn car, add children in the road..

even though its 2:30 pm I'm going to go to sleep too.

so its spandau's project..

I'm officially doing WS. my public email is

needapass @ yahoo.com.au

no spaces

feel free to send script pages / sign me up for midget porn spam*

*actually, don't do that.. I have enough midget porn on my HD.

You have truly captured the essence of the Trejo.

after all, our 'blood brothers' story was my baby.. so my drawings of Trejo will still be seen, after WS! my dad is a Piano tuner, I have detailed files on piano parts! and i found a piano hand photoseries online!

may the Trejo be with you!

The magic of Trejo lives on through BLOOD BROTHERS. And beyond...

it is called SEVEN MUMMIES!

IT is a prisoner getaway into a zombie/vampire/Kung-fu-mummie priests town!A wild west town!The prisoners are from today btw!It features the talents of:

Billy Drago

Matt Schultze

a Keri Wuhrer lookalike with big boobs

the evil karate teacher from Karate Kid

the new Leatherface

Billy Wirth as the Hero named....Travis(yeah)

Noel Gugliemi as the mexican dude

and some porno babes

it is DTV bad with some nice gore effects and bad dialouge and a chopper!

AND....DANNY TREJO as the mysterious dude

it is running 77 minutes so it is up to Cloverfield standard.Check it out!

I have to check it out!

he opened a TB for us!

Right, she was in CABIN FEVER.

since I dont go to videostores anymore!But on cable they show everything even SEVEN MUMMIES!

I mostly use Netflix (for the badass movies that Blockbuster is too lame to have, like Kurusawa flicks) but I occasionally rent from the videostore. Usually, the kind of stuff that just catches my eye. Like URBAN JUSTICE or GHOSTS OF MARS. That kind of shit.

And i love how Carpenter wasted Statham(that movie would have been top if Statham could do his Transporter routine).

Pam Grier was also underused. And maybe Joanna Cassidy. The scene where Statham is like, "Hey Natasha Henstridge, since we're probably gonna die tonight, wanna fuck?" And Ms. Henstridge, having shown no interest in him before, says "Okay." And then they make out! At first I thought she was playing his ass, but it was totally sincere!

As corny as the movie is, I've grown to like it (kinda). I like that it's basically a western. The overuse of dissolves was mindblowing. And I even like the cheesy fucking ending.

somehow cool!He has that Badass thing going.And he made THE THING,my favorite horror movie!

Not only one of the best remakes ever made (THE best, perhaps?) but it's also one of the best horror movies ever made (opinion). I also love CHRISTINE, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, THE FOG (even though it falls apart in the last fifteen minutes), HALLOWEEN, etc. The man has made some good fuckin' movies.

Which also rocks my balls.

with me.And I dig Vampires.James Woods is so Badass in that one.I am listening to the Ghosts of Mars ost right now,pretty wild stuff.AND he made ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK!SNAKE RULES!

Forgot about VAMPIRES, too! Another contemporary western. And probably his last decent movie.

something with L.A.(no not another Snake,sigh!)It is been a long time since Mars,5-6 years I think.Maybe he hits one there!

He's not coming back in any form we'll like.

P.S. I can't wait to get home and see ironic name's drawings.

Trejo looks "good".And check out Seven Mummies!

I liked the Carpenter flick though. My favorite remake is probably The Omega Man. Heston;s Ben Hur was also a huge step up from the silent black and white version.

So I'll try to whip up some TLBT comic action over the next couple months while I'm finishing up my other book and I'll email it to you guys for your thoughts. Then maybe we can pitch it to Harry and have it right here on AICN published in installments. Each installment will have a title and tell a little more of the story. And yes, I will have a chapter called "Oleg's Lament".

very different from Carpenters version.But for its time it is a good film.

He and a V-8!

there is a trailer for a "DAY OF THE DEAD"remake that is DTV!How could they fuck up that movie?It says:"based on the George Romero movie"but the only thing in common is that the military is in it!I hoped they do it like the DAWN remake,which was pretty cool,but this...at least Ving Rhames(in a other role then in Dawn)clothelines a Zombie!SHIT!

Total fucking horseshit! The same old tired ass Smalltown, U.S.A. (shot in British Columbia, of course) with ugly fucking photography.

I've got another post from Chambers I'll post that here in a minutre

Ironic, those drawings are realy really good, I was going to use JJ's Enterprise as my desktop wallpaper, but I think I'm going to switch to Trejo, I love that close up on his eyes, AWESOME

I was just thinking about Black Dog last night, it's a very cheesy movie and it was in theatres, mainly becuase it was orignally scheduled to star Kevin Sorobo at the height of his Hercules fame, well Sorobo couldn't do it, Swaze stepped in and yeah. The reason I was thinking about it is because I was watching this DTV called The Visitation, produced by one of the X-Men producers it stars Randy Travis as this small town preacher who teams up with a veternarian played by the chick that was in Road House and an ex-minister to defeat the devil who has possesed Edward Furlong (or Brad Renfro, but I think it's Furlong), weried movie but not horrible, Randy Travis has this great line where he's doing an exocrism and in that slow country drawl starts quoting Jesus's words in the bible aobut a demon coming out of a man

the reason for the Day of the Dead remake DTV I THINK is because those first 3 Dead movies don't have a copyright, or at least the first one doesn't, I'm not sure about the 2 and 3, I do know that this DTV Day of the Dead has no realtion to Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead...at least I think, I'll do some checking and find out

Guys, The only thing I could think of today [ and I kinda stole, no wait … developed,. the idea from a Reid Fleming comic] and hope it makes a decent scene for the start of a DTV classic. Opening scene: a station wagon is going along some hill billy mountain road highway when it loses control, rolls like a dozen times and ends hanging over the edge of a drop. Trapped inside is mom trying to claw out of the smashed windscreen, while in the back is unconscious little jimmy. Gas is leaking out, of the upturned heap, running slowly toward a naked flame. Other road users stop to help but the gas hit’s the flame and knocks them back. The car is tipping over the edge. Mom is screaming for help. A low shot of a 4 wheel drive parks into frame and a pair of snake skinned cowboy boots steps out of the cab. The camera pulls back. It’s Trejo. He removes his mirrored sunglasses, steps forward to the scene of the accident and assess the situation. He grabs rope out of the hands of one of the crowd gathered by the roadside trying to help.. “who’s the strongest guy here” A Muscle bound shit kicker of a trucker in denim vest and baseball steps forward. “ I am “ Trejo roundhouses him hard dropping the guy flat. “Wrong Bitch. I am” Through the flames we see the station wagon tip over the edge out of shot. Title Credit MEAN & MEANER

but be aware- if I see Dark Angel 2 then I'm going to sue you all.

in the BALLs!A roundhouse is to nifty for Trejo!

such a Trejo picture(in the car)?

i"m still around, I refuse to let this talkback died, but I was wondering the same thing

midgets...midgets...MIDGETS!Lets just post on until the others come back.

I think our styles are actually pretty close. You're more realistic and I'm more cartoonish, but your Trejo looks like my Trejo. I'm working on a little TLBT art over the weekend. I'll post it here and try to email it you guys as soon as I can.

I'm sure Harry will post our comic here. AICN could use its own original comic inspired by the grindhouse schlockfest films it honours. I mean, if they can have eighty different guys chip in reviews on the same fucking movie, why not throw in one comic strip while you're at it?

okay, I worked on some sketches at my desk at work today. I've decided to make Eric Roberts look younger, his hair is its old brown and not grey. I'm drawing more as a 40 year old guy. Oleg is Dolph with Ivan Drago's spikey blonde hair but more wrinkles on his face to look a bit older, like how his face looks now. Snipes basically looks like Blade Snipes.

looking forward to seeing it.

http://tinyurl.com/sc4za

Got some sleep?

Which was weird. Either I don't sleep at all, or I sleep a long fucking time. Seven hours is pretty decent.

we both forgot Assault on precinct 13!great low budget movie!

I could listen to that shit all day. Well, not really. But it's awesome.

I wonder where Stuntcock is.

work has been kinda crazy today, plus my brother came in and started scrapping paint off his arm, yeah it's weird, our town's big basketball tournement is this weekend and he plays in the band (there is a 13 year difference between my brother and I, 20 year between my sister and me) anyways, so I've had kinda crazy day at work, but I'm going to keep posting

I can't wait to see some art work, I'm curious how you're going to flesh out the middle Spandau, I've got the beginning scripted and the end plotted, ironically inspired by my watching The Princess Bride the other night, I loved how the switched back and forth between Wesley and Indigo and their own fights, I also like the idea of 3 or 4 guys breaking into a building guraded by 60 guards, so that's going to figure in a little bit of that, imagine a violent DTV inspired by a Rob Reiner family friendly movie. Anyways, I gotta go see Alvin and the Chipmunks or August Rush tonight for my movie review colomn for my paper, but I'll probably be back on tonight, I'm going to need some violence to wash either of those out of my system

13 year difference between you and your brother? Twenty between you and your sister? Were your parents pandas by any chance? Not that I've got anything against pandas. I'm not, like, anti-panda. I mean I went to a few rallies, but that was just to impress this girl. Anyway, it's cool that your parents were pandas.

That's harsh. On the one hand, you got singing chipmunks. On the other... Robin Williams. That is tough.

poor you.I hope you survive!

movie!He could be a Machete swinging Klingon(they dont need Make-Up)!hehe

yeah, I live in a really small town, about 6,000 with one movie theatre, if I ever want tos ee anything remotely fun, it's at least a 3-4 hour drive to Denver CO or to Wichita KS. So yeah singing chipmunks with Jason Lee or singing Robin Williams with Kerri Russell

There were about 60 or 70 students in my high school. Now I live in a town of about 12,000 with a movie theater just a few blocks down the street. Unfortunately, a lot of the shit I really want to see doesn't play here.

Robin Williams has, like, red hair and a goatee and he's got piercings. Does that help?

yeah, I went to college in a ncie big town, big theatres, home town video store (you know before DVD), could watch tns of Troma and DTV and bad sci-fi along with the good stuff, but now I moved back to my hometown, and while I love my job, great job reviewing movies, I get to, have to see some real stinkers and then try and find a way to polish it so that our theatre thatis an advertiser doesn't get too upset so I'm wearing out my theasurus...I can't imagine robin Williams with that stuff, I mean I've seen the trailers and stuff and I'm still like 'wha...' like the professer in Futurama

It is New York,L.A,Boston...I allways forget how huge your country is!I live in a town with a little over 500.000 people.wow,I thought I was the smalltown dude here(no offense).

I would lose my fucking mind. I've visited Portland a few times and it has a population of a little over half a million and I just can't stand it. Yeah, I dig the tall buildings and shit, but I hate crowds.

I'm referring to Portland, Oregon, by the way. Just to keep the facts straight. Portland, Maine, is small potatoes I believe.

I have real love-hate thing with them. There was a time when I just kept watching TOXIC AVENGER IV over and over. I mean the movies are basically shit. On a technical level and a creative level. But they have this odd sort of charm. I can't put my finger on it.

I think the Ghost should have just one eye!He could have some coke in the empty socket(for da bad times,brotha).And it would be cool shit if the Brothers had to work together in the end to fight some Columbian overlord(like Sosa in the alltime great SCARFACE).And when they defeat him they turn on each other again.

Toxie:ATOMIC HERO!I watched a lot Troma in my "Story of Ricky"phase.Do you know "Redneck Zombies"my alltime favorite from Troma.

...that the Ghost would be doing business with the Yakuza. I hadn't elaborated on it yet, but it would be cool if they teamed up against a Yakuza boss.

I love the idea of the Ghost having one eye. It would help in discerning which is which (though the Ghost would also have long hair and a mustache).

I know that Reyes will have to kill the Ghost at the end. I'd like to kind of rip off the end of SPIDER-MAN. The Ghost says, "You can't kill me. We're hermanos." Then Reyes would say, "I had a brother. His name was Billy Taylor." Then he'd blow the Ghost away.

(Billy Taylor being the Josh Duhammel character)

Or a whole lot of Troma for that matter. I've seen the four TOXIC AVENGERS, TROMEO & JULIET, TROMA'S WAR, THE FIRST TURN-ON! and TERROR FIRMER. But the movie that got me into Troma was CANNIBAL: THE MUSICAL. And I remembered seeing THE TOXIC AVENGER III on television as a kid and it scared the shit out of me! I also remember the TOXIC CRUSADERS cartoon show.

when the Ghost and Reyes have the final stand off(all bruised and battered) and the second before they start shooting each other,we see some remorse in Ghost and he doesnt pulls the trigger and dies saying."I´m done with killing"!That would be deep and we see Reyes staring at his dead brother with some mercy in his look.

I am sorry to say that I dont know part4.I lost sight of Troma some years ago.Class of Nuke em High is also crazy shit!

...he lifts the patch over the Ghost's eye socket and takes out the key to the safe deposit box containing the evidence that Reyes' superior, Winston Caruthers, was in cahoots with the drug cartel.

...where Evil Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD drives past an old lady, then turns to Toxie and says "I can't pass THIS up!" He does a u-turn and runs the old lady down, crushing her head, and she pisses herself. Those movie are insane. I'll have to check this out:

http://tinyurl.com/2ynlt7

Ron Jeremy,hehehe.I almost forgot that "Surf Nazis must die" exists(check it out)!sometimes I have the feeling I know to many crazy movies!But I have a Girlfriend so maybe it is not that bad.

Will in part 2 of BB a third twin come up,maybe called:REAPER?

Good Night Ladies and Gents.

...you can watch whatever the hell you want without shame. It's the poor single fucks like myself who have to sit in the dark and cry while watching HOUSE OF THE DEAD.

...of the Beef.

I used to eat notdogs, back when I was a vegiterian, then one day I thought: carrots are alive too, they're just easier to grab.

if THE LORD didn't want us eating animals, they wouldn't be so tasty.

...when I'm eating chicken or something, I think to myself "Would I want to be butchered, cooked and eaten?" I feel bad for the cows and shit, but damn they taste good. I won't eat pork though. I imagine that's what it would be like to eat a person. Like eating ham.

why we eat meat.

I've even seen the fuckers eat rotten eggs.

The premiere of my first web comic. Using my own brilliant imagination and Microsoft Paint, I have created a stunningly original and ingenious piece of work. It will be studied for decades, I'm sure. Okay, that's all bullshit, but here it is:

http://tinyurl.com/2j756c

Notice that I'm such a lazy fuck that I didn't even bother to give the girl boobs.

The people in that strip are based on my friend and his fiancee. And, yes, they really are that boring. When it comes to the animal and insect kingdom, anyway.

right now and Kate Beckinsale is a hot lady!But the rest of the movie is shit!The sudden "moral" turn is fucking boring!

I think the last movie of his that I kinda sorta maybe liked was ANGER MANAGEMENT. But that was 90% Jack Nicholson. And the other ten was John Turturro and Luis Guzmán. So fuck you, Sandler.

his old style of 90minutes "laugh your ass of"entertainment!The trailer for that one gives me hope!

That motherfucker needs to clean his act up immediately.

thing.You can still find it in the news section.I wonder if they did it because of the "Goblin"dude,that would be so PC,that it stinks!

Man, those gremlins have to ruin things for everybody!

I'm joking, of course. But I don't think it was the article itself that offended him. Maybe it was my overwhelming Bridget the Midget love. Who knows.

I'd better hit the sack if I want to get up at a semi-reasonable hour (for me at least). I'll be back in a few hours.

the old Saturday shopping routine is calling!See ya later.

wesley's dad will be played by richard roundtree, with full Jewish jheri curls on the side of the face, like a rabbi!

shelley winters, lainie kazan, Robert Forster as abdul, Joey Bishop, George Kennedy, Martin Balsam, Robert Vaughn, Shelley Winters, and a young Kim Delaney as a nun!

http://tinyurl.com/29hgv8

fuck yeah!

The movie opens with a shot of a empty Highway somewhere in the desert(small text tells us:somewhere in Usbekistan 2069!).Soon we hear the distant roar of an engine,maybe a Jet or an Rocket,just to witness how a CAR comes flying over a small hill landing on the Highway(the roar is from the car of course)and it is.....a V-8!black with an huge open block engine!We see the driver behind the wheel(but not clearly)and then 7-8 other cars show up going after him(we know how they look)!The camera shows us how the cars are heading toward the Skyline of a city(Tashkent the capital of Uzbekistan,all destroyed).Then we see the driver of the V-8 and the narration begins:

"I told them this would happen,but they refused to listen!Damn Companies!Now it is all gone,the citys,the people,the whole planet all wasted by one man...HITLER!(FB starts,we see spaceships in form of the Nazi-swastika laying waste on Earth ID4 style,then the main ship lands on the remains of the capitol of the world New York City and a huge army of Hitler clones storms the city and kills the survivors in gruesome fashions)!Now it is just ME and THEM!Now it is my WAR!MY WAY!MY JUSTICE!MY TRUTH!OLEG`s WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!"The narration ends as they reach the city and Oleg finishes the others with his crack-driving skills and the help of the wasted city!

Thats the start guys,you can see where this is going,if you got ideas for some cool shit let me know!

It is the final chapter so Hitler will go down and some old buddies will show up,but I need some new Mad Max style dudes so I am open for your ideas!Thank you guys.

And Steve James AND FUCKING LEE MARVIN!

cool shit!But he is a Catholic priest married to an jewish business woman.

"Now it is my WAR! MY WAY! MY JUSTICE! MY TRUTH! OLEG`s WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!"

That's priceless.

the rest will follow soon!

After the high octane opening,we see Oleg looting Tashkent in search for some things(we dont need to know what)and some more FB`s start(since Oleg IS the last living human except for Hitler and his clones,we have a lot of Flashbacks in the movie).We learn what happend after part 2:

Oleg,Snipes and Rothrock returned to Earth and were locked away for some time,since nobody believes the "Hitler BS"!We see how Oleg tryes to tell his superiors from SHiTT what went down and they laugh at him!Olegs pissed and quits!He gets to work with Snipes and Rothrock on a new ship,the WARSAW3(they build it from scratch,A-Team like).When they finish the ship,Snipes and Rothrock start setting a renegade merc unit up(with guys like Lorenzo Lamas,Sasha Mitchel,Ken Wahl and so on),to go after Hitler!Oleg stays behind with the words:"I got the feeling it will END where it began!"and gets the STARE as the WARSAW heads for mars.

Now we go back to Oleg looting,fighting some Hitler clones in his way and narrating:"Thats my life for the last 6 years,but they keep on coming!I like it that way,so I dont need to search(FB how he "cleans"London,L.A.and other cities)and the PORTALS are really helpfull!"We see him driving to an "Futuristic"looking place where in the middle of the place is a huge hole in the ground.Oleg tells us:"The last great invention from the Companies!They were so proud of themselfs!But it was their DOOM(FB of Hitler clones tacking over the cities through the portals),BUT it is MY ticket to BERLIN!".In the next FB we learn how Oleg found out,that Hitler took over the control of the Portals and sealed them of so that nobody could go to Berlin anymore(one Company dude told him in the battle for N.Y.before he was torn to shreds by Hitler clones)."BUT Hitler forgot one and now I found it!It is TIME for your last Salute Adolf!"Oleg tells us and drives his V-8 into the hole(we never learn how it works,it is just Blue light and DTV magic)!

With a blue ligtflash Oleg arrives in Berlin!

Later you get the final act guys.

Man, you just keep bringing the DTV gold! And I love the idea of building a new ship from scratch "A-Team like."

and I am still missing Stuntcock Mike.Hope some of the other dudes will show up again!We are going almost 9 days now,thats cool.

I'm almost done, but my computer keeps crashing. This is pissing me the shit off. My computer has been fritzy all week. It's five years old so it's probably starting to die.

What have I done with my life?

thats all!

at least you have a computer,something to eat,a bed and a roof over your head!When we reach day 32 I will start to worry too!I wonder if Bloo survived the movie he had to see?

arg...gnizlefrizzBAD!

I don't envy him. You couldn't pay me to watch ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. Okay, yeah, I'd watch it if I was paid to. But I'd still be annoyed.

I actually liked it. It's problem, though, is it isn't bad enough. It's actually a pretty competently-made film (I thought). But as a ___ ON A ____ movie, it could have been so much better/worse(in a good bad way). They should've just gone all-out and made the craziest fucking movie they could. They could've had Sam Jackson doing some hand-to-hand kung fu shit on the snakes, yelling "MotherFUCKER!" with every punch.

that there was an Kickbox dude on the plane and they did not use his"skills",but I have to see the whole movie first.The premise is to funny to be ignored!

I also wondered why they never used that guy! I think Vern had the same criticism.

I hope he does Cloverfield.He is the only dude who has allmost the same taste of movies as I have(the AICN stuff not the TB´s).

I mean I love a good Oscar-bait picture as much as the next guy, but let's face it. It's all about the boobs and 'splosions.

Thanks very much.

At least THE ROCK is enjoyable. And maybe BAD BOYS, but I haven't seen it in years. BAD BOYS II, though. That is just fucking terrible.

and the Island has Scarlett(oh god shes hot)Johansson!and Ewan(he is a cool dude).

have to rethink some of it,so you get it tomorrow morning(your time).It is worth the wait,you will see Hitler`s UTOPIA!And OLEG destroying it!

People shit on it, but it's a decent flick. I look forward to the conclusion of WARSAW.

did you fell asleep again?Over two hours without a post!You are not trying to get a life out there,are you?:-)

see ya tomorrow.

Dinners served, lads. Let me know what you think.

http://tinyurl.com/2qp3de

Actually, I've been hanging with my cousin. His life has recently gone to shit so I'm giving him some of that old fashioned emotional support and shit.

I'd love to write a movie. Problem is I've got too many fucking ideas. In the course of this talkback I've come up with three or four. And I'm working on two of them right now. This talkback is the greatest thing that ever happened to me (not true). It's made me happier than I've ever been (false). It's helped me be more confident and it makes the ladies crave my junk (blatant lie). But, seriously, I've had fun.

that was a great 80's video action movie. alot of that shit is what I grew up with. but my favourite martial arts 80's movie apart from American ninja 2: the confrontation. has to be The Perfect Weapon.

http://tinyurl.com/22ubeo

It's sure to render my copy completely obsolete!

greatest thing i've ever heard.

okay, richard roundtree is the dad, but hes not jewish.. the jheri curl jewish sideburns thing doesn't work..

von stalhand is the little person, correct?

WARSAW2:Hitlers Moon.As he breaks out of Bean he looks like Warwick Davies and later grows up to be Cyber-Mickey Rourke.In THE WARSAW SYMPHONY Mickey Rourke plays Von Stahlhand the whole time(read my plot outline for further info).

now I can finaly get my copy of Seagalogy over here in Germany!It is hard to wait until May(but my Birthday is in May,best present ever to myself!).

Spent most of the week reinstalling programs on a new hard drive. Old one crashed. Spandau, I'll be sending your emailed tunes asap. "Hitler's clone loved bald pussy."

Fucking Dolphins

WRESSLIN`Dolphins!Thats good!I see what I can do!

Fantastic!

part1-563 rock!part65 is a little weak though!

Glad you liked it. My computer seems to be in its death rattle and that comic cover might be one of its last production. There's something that all of a sudden has started attacking my Corel graphics applications and causing my system to crash.

I would draw a bit, saving my file every second, and then my machine would crash, I'd get pissed off, go crack open a brew watch an episode of Twin Peaks, then come back and draw for another ten minutes before it crashed again.

Anyway, I'll type up some sort of formal pitch and email Harry about getting this series going some time later in the week when I have my computer situation worked out. And I'm also gonna do an album cover for Stuntcock Mike's brilliant score.

Today, a buddy of mine is coming over and we're gonna get drunk and play Burnout Revenge and not think about Corel product malfunctions. Talk to you guys tomorrow.

Looking forward to the Burnout Paradise for X-BOX360,allways loved the crashes!

Then again all beer tastes shitty to me. But this was recommended by a friend who seems to know his shit when it comes to alcohol. Some fucking friend. Now I'm out $7.99!

...I watched PLANET TERROR and PUNISHER '89 back-to-back to get inspired. It didn't work, but at least I was entertained for three hours.

We return to Oleg as his V-8 shows up in Berlin at the Portal place!We see Oleg`s face in a state of shock and surprise.As the camera leaves the car,it pulls up(the only expensive crane/CGI shot in the movie,which still looks cheap)and shows us a futuristic "silverlined"view over NEU-GERMANIA(formerly known as Berlin)with huge Skyscrapers,Big Hitler statues and a lot Hitler clones(imagine everybody is a Hitler clone,kids,woman just anybody)!

As the camera returns to Oleg we see that he has a GRIM look on his face and he pushes a button on his steeringwheel!Then two huge MG caliber.50 spring out of the hood,left and right to the open block engine!Now we get a FB where we learn how Oleg started to build his car(A-Team style again) after Snipes and the others left Earth!The FB ends and Oleg says:

"This UTOPIA shit is OVER!"and starts blasting away every fucking Hitler clone in his way(heavy violence,exploding bodies,Hitler-kids get shot to shreds,all the shit never shown in Hollywood)!

Now a HUGE ACTION scene starts(10-15 minutes)!Oleg`s V-8 starts creaming everything in his way,then security forces come in with Choppers,Tanks,Roadblocks and Minefields(yes),Footsoldiers and all the shit!But Oleg`s V-8 has all the goods:

Laserguided shoot away Chainsaws(for the soldiers,violence brothers!).Ground to Air missile`s(big explosions).Flamethrowers(burning Hitler clones-allways good).Shoot away ACID bombs(HAHA).

And all the crazy shit happens:Oleg drives into buildings,jumps from roof to roof,drives through the subway(chased by two choppers)and so on...!When the shit is over,we see a shot of the destroyed city in the background and Oleg driving up to the REICHSTAG!

As Oleg arrives at the scene we see a Mercedes-Maybach standing in front of the Reichstag,a dude standing at the drivers door.It is......Jean-Claude van Damme as Hitler!We see him for the first time now!As he sees Oleg he gets in the car and a crazy carchase begins(around and inside the Reichstag)!In the end they come to the STANDOFF(inside the Reichstag in a huge room,with statues of all the bad Nazi dudes)!Both fire up their engines and start going frontal at each other!Oleg screams:

"HHIIITTTTTLLLLLLEEERRR"

and Hitler goes:

"OOLLLEEEEGG"

Then the two cars collide frontal with a HUGE crash!

The camera goes in circels around the two crashed cars and all of a sudden the door of the Hitler car springs open and Hitler crawls out of the wreck!He starts crawling away as we see two boots in front of him,the camera goes up and we see Olegs face(bloody and smiling),saying:

"No more HEIL for you Shitbrick!"and kicks Hitler in the face!But Hitler replies:"Nothing`s ohver Ohlegh!NOTHING!"and we see he has something in his hand and pushes it!After that we hear a loud ROAR!Oleg`s face shows disbelief!AND THEN SOMETHING BIG BREAKS THROUGH THE DOOR!it is:

UBERHANS!

Now the final FB starts,where we learn that poor Hans did not die fighting Von Stahlhand but was later picked up by Hitler who transformed him in to a Evil killing cyber UBERHANS!The FB ends and Hitler says triumphant:

"Ih tink youh khnow each ohhther!hahaha!"

And you know what happens next!Oleg gets creamed by UBERHANS real bad!But then,just as we think it is over for Oleg and Hitler screams:"KHILL DHAT COMMIE SCHWEIN!",Hans stops and thinks!Then we see understanding in Hans face and he lets go of Oleg(heavilly wounded)and turns to Hitler and growls in anger!Hitler runs away and NINJA Hitler clones start storming in!

A HUGE battle between the NINJA clones and Hans starts(Hans kills 50-60)but gets overpowered and badly wounded!Then we hear a cartrunk jump open and see Oleg standing by his car and reaching inside!

He pulls out a INDUSTRIAL STEEL NAILGUN combined with an CHAINSAW and says:"LET GO OF HANS YOU NAZIFUCKs"and starts nailing and sawing the Ninjas to shreds!

After killing them all,Oleg gets to Hans and holds him until Hans dies with a sad growl!Oleg gets the STARE!

Oleg finds Hitler on the glass roof of the Reichstag and they start a hefty hand to hand fight on the collapsing roof until the roof finaly breaks and they fall down in the great hall again!Both get up again,but we see Hitler`s tank is empty and Oleg has the "Finish Him"look on his face!

Oleg picks up the chaingun of HANS and says."HEIL this MOTHERFUCKER!!!"and blasts Hitler to hell(in slomo)!

As Oleg leaves the Reichstag,some heavy-metal tune starts and the screen freezes on Oleg`s bloody face for the credits.

Thats it folks,hope you enjoyed the ride!

Lets get some creative shit going!My heads empty now for new things!

wow.Hope they show the Superbowl.

maybe I am a little bored right now.

show in a Steelbook edition.

I can do it!

that sucks.

and it is cold in Green Bay!

I think we need to work all these fantastic ideas into the classic "12 words or less" pitch, and submit them all to Troma, Asylum etc.

We may well be a bit too high concept for them though.

Pah, one of the greatest TB's ever? NOT ON MY WATCH, MOTHERFUCKER

and has anyone seen Rutger's mighty DTV resume- He's been in loads of shady low rent horror.

blind fury!

that one where he hunts ice-t!

a sign!

and you don't ever want to let the man upstairs down.

out there!

I'd love to see an Argento-Snipes surrealist horror collaboration! I haven't seen all of Snipes's work, but I don't think he's ever worked with a surrealist virtuoso. It would be great. Especially if Argento busted out that old synthesized keyboard disco music for the freakout scenes.

I'm hoping for some sort of shady Suspira-esque thing where Wesley is the devil running a martial arts boarding school for nubile teenage women.

new girl arrives, skimpy nightgowns and horror ensue- with a bit of ass kicking thrown in.

*Jarv delves into his hat with "cool sounding words in it and plucks out...*

Satan's ninjas.

or maybe not.

the problem is with the devil, teenage girls and martial arts all set to a trippy synth score with some bizarre psychadelic visuals I may be over-egging the pudding.

Unless I cast Danny Trejo against type as the menacing doorman/ servant that comes good in the end to save the nightie clad heroine from being butchered at the hands of wesley's hell cats. That might be cool

ok so I made it through Alvin and the Chipmunks but that night I found out that two of my best friends were dating and it kinda put me in a funk, because that leaves me one of the few single guys left in my little group of friends

now here's the sad part, I went and saw Alvin and the Chipmunks, but my mom called me just before I went and invited me over to play cards, I turned her down because I had to go to this movie for work , and I found out Sunday that there was a cute single college aged girl at their card party, believe me I was al little pissed

Sunday I had a gig with my band and then I watched some Venture Brothers and worked on my A&TC review and some more on TLBT

the last 5 minutes of Blade 2 and the first 15 min of Blade 3...I hadn't seen 3 in awhile and it's not as bad as I rmeember it being, not great and you can tell that Goyer (that's who directed it right?) hates snipes and Kris Kristofferson and wanted to make a Nightstalkers movie but it's not horrible, it's just not a good BLADE movie

but I wasn't head over hees in love with Blade 2.

hmph. Disaster.

I'm not a HUGE fan of any of the Blade movies really, they are sorta if they are on TBS or something I'll watch them, but I'm not like have to watch them or I'll die

what is surprising to me about AICN is that there are that many Jack Ryan fans or Ryan Gosling haters out there to propel that talkback into the top 10

supermodel's old liposucked fat and noses - with some toxic waste - come to life! can ex model sally van zandt [julie strain] and a veteran cop harley banderas [benjamin bratt] stop the model frankensteins from taking over LA?

I guess I find these movies as bland as they come. They're somewhat amusing at times, but I don't think anything to do with a new Jack Ryan movie could really get me all that excited.

Okay, I'm lying. If it were Nick Cage as Jack Ryan I'd be counting down the days until I got see him sputter and stammer and freak out about global security.

with a special guest apperance by Traci Lords as a former pron str who gets taken over

yeah I voiced an opinon aobut ryan too, but I'm an old-school Clancy fan but could really care less about any movies past Hunt,

they were hilarious, but Blade 3 just made too many jokes to be funny. This stuff is always funnier when they play it straight. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds Parker Posey inplictly funny, but her part in Blade 3 seemed like a serious role. Her lines weren't funny on paper, but she could read the want ads and I'd crack up.

I also thought Blade 3 was supposed to be the end, but then the end was kinda leaving it open for Blade 4, which obviously wasn't going to happen until they reboot it five years with some rapper in the lead role or something.

I just read that Wesley Snipes wants to do a Blade 4 as soon as his lawsuit with New Line and goyer is settled

he's suing because he belives he was asked to give to many lines to Ryan Rynolds

I would have loved to have seen a Blade 3 with more emphisis on Blade and then an introduction to NightStalkers

and what the hell was Cumpston (Patton Oswalt) doing in that movie, like anyone is going to belive that freaking Patton Oswalt is a vampire hunter

one other thing about Blade, how many comic book movies has Donal Louge been in, I know Blade 1, Ghost Rider, seems like there has been some others

I wonder where caruso is?

Hell, if Snipes came back, I'd be there openning night. But it won't happen. Snipes has been branded DTV.

right again?

give us an review.It is your job man.

The Biel buns had something to do with it. Ryan Reynolds stole the movie though.

it seems to be working ok for me

Spandau, I wouldn't mind either a Blade 4, I don't see it happening unless Marvel gets the rights back and for some strange reason decide to go that route with theri Iron Man/Hulk/Thor/Avengers movie

hard to belive it's been almost 10 years since Balde doesn't it

BTW didn't Vern give a steller review of the Blade TV show, I never saw it but heard mixed things

it had some good violence and some nice babes.A second season could work but you know....

was an interesting mess...David Cross was funny as usual, Jason Lee was pretty good but not as good as he is with facial hair...that's my rule re: Lee with facial hair is always funnier then without facial hair, but he makes the most interesting movie choices, Cross that is

what really struck me though was how errily real to life it is. It details the rise of the Chipmunks to fame and how the record company gives them everything they want and spoils them and how it leads to their burnout and realization that Dave was just looking out for their own intrests with his rules and discipline, etc. It actually made me wonder if some of these young hollywood types could use some good old fashioned discipline in their life

but I don't think that was the message they were shooting for, overall it was pretty cheesy with a weird add on love intrest

I'd call it comparable to like the first Garfield movie

good thing none of us our like WGA writers, we'd be in so much crap!

we cracked the top 10 again WHOO!

yes,he was great in Dreamcatcher!SSDD!

I haven't seen Dreamcatcher, I always get worried when "workhorse" directors (like Kasden or in a previous generation Wise--you know ones that make good servicable movies in a variety of genres) try and tackle King, for some reason it just doesn't work as well, I like my King directors either unexpected (Riener, known for his light comedy tackling Misery well), a little crazy (Kubrick on the Shining) or just seem to "get" King (Darabont)

and an EVIL Morgan Freeman.I know many people hate the movie but I think Kasdan(Silverado is a great movie BTW)got it right.The end is a little shaky but the rest is great stuff(Lee`s redneck dude is great).Watch it if you can.

It sounds interesting, plus how can you go wrong with an EVIL Morgan Freeman