I’ve been looking forward to seeing THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL. I’m a fan of the these sorts of films and the cast… well who doesn’t love and adore Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson… I like Jim Sturgess – and Eric Bana can be great, but he’s an actor that needs solid direction to deliver.

Well, what I wasn’t expecting was for the film to be completely and utterly mediocre. Throughout the film the style of the director annoyed the fuck out of me. You can tell that it was shot by a first time director that comes from TV directly. However, I couldn’t believe how clumsy it was. There’s points where I swear to God – you missed the commercials – because the next shot revealed felt completely disconnected to the scene before it.

The sets felt empty, it’s like they arrived on their locations and just shot without prepping the locale. The photography in the outdoor scenes felt video – with over-exposed skies – and I swear to God – sometimes, completely out of place time-lapse CLOUD FORMATIONS – which felt completely and utterly out of place.

The shot framing was awkward – and all the actors’ performances were all over the place. Like the director had no idea who these characters were and how to keep the actors on track. Also… this is a film about a period where advancement and ambition could be had through the whoring out of your daughters – to curry favor with the King of England played by Eric Bana. The film is about as sexy as jacking with a crusty dirty sock. The sensuality is dead. And the film has the cast to be sexy – it just has no idea how to create the situations.

What’s good?

Well the story – based on Philippa Gregory is solid. In fact it’s a great story – Peter Morgan’s script is compelling – if only ineptly translated to the screen. I found myself getting angry at the direction from Justin Chadwick – because the material was as compelling as ELIZABETH, buuuuuuut, robbed of the suspense, the romance, the sensuality, the intrigue and the subtlety.

All those elements are present in the material – but delivered like a phone book dropped on your front porch. The film moves like molasses in January. You can’t imagine how dull and inept this film is. It’s sad because Scarlett and Natalie aren’t that bad. But poor Eric Bana is horrifyingly awful as Henry Tudor. His look was completely wrong visually – Henry is famously painted – and there was no attempt in hair or make-up to come close – that said – costumes were handled nice, but it’s so ugly through the lens… This is the cinematographer’s first feature – and it’s obvious he has a long way to go before successfully transitioning from TV episodes – to film.

Over all… it’s just a waste of time and acting talent. If you do go see it – know that you’ll like the story – but probably feel it all falls flat and awkard. A great story, terribly told. So sad. I really wanted this movie to be great. Dammit. If this review comes across half-hearted and dispassionate – it’s a true reflection of the film I saw.