I get sent things sometimes from companies... and they're a blu ray in some paper disc envelope and I can't even see the title till the disc is in my hand. Sometimes, I find this to be a magical affair... It's something I haven't heard of. They sent a xeroxed pile of notes, but that's PR speak and it's best to never read that. Could spoil something. All I knew was SCREAM FACTORY theatrical release... Canada... BITE.
I've an early schedule this week as Quint has decided to take a vacation - and I was gonna peel myself away from some creative work I'm up to, to do the site full time, which doesn't mean my all night schedule as usual. I thought. Well, I'll watch this little mystery film... and I'll pop off to sleep. Um. Yeah. No thank you. Sleeping next to the woman I love. I'm just not ready yet. I've seen BITE.
BITE - doesn't have much of a reputation at this point. A look on IMDB shows that 199 votes have it at 5.4. Hmmm. That doesn't at all relate to my feelings about what I just witnessed. 199 votes averaging to 5.4. So I went deeper, cuz now I was curious about the vote divide. About a third really liked the movie a lot. But you see, I get why the lower rating.
PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE BODY HORROR DONE RIGHT.
I mean. I've swam in jungle waterfall fed pools in the middle of nowhere. You get bit by shit. It can happen. But. Ew. Just Ew. What if that little piece of isolated heaven that you and your friends... go to. Some random person tells you go check it out, "It's like walking on the sky!" - and then he gets you drunk and fucks you and bam, you're walking on the sky, then OUCH... something bites ya. It doesn't even leave a mark. Not for a couple days.
Then. Fucking the nightmare.
After watching the film, I tweeted @ScreamFactory re: BITE - I think my penis crawled up inside my body and died watching this! AWESOME!
I gave you the set up. Right now.. This is a film that doesn't hit a very limited release and PPV & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD on May 6th.
You remember Brundlefly? This goes in that direction - but unlike that film - it goes somewhere a bit different in the final stretch before the end credits. You know after we've kinda been through ALOT. I'm talking about a beautiful woman, that already just by being a woman in general, has a tolerance for gross body shit. There are no secrets in marriage. Personally, I'm not squeamish about these things. We're human beings. ANYWAYS... this beautiful woman... she doesn't go to the doctor. Things quickly snowballs... and metaphorically speaking... Denver is gone. That's a big snowball. I'm exaggerating - and I'm not. It's a nightmare.
The shit that comes out of this poor girl. It ain't right. I can describe it in a way that would make you retch and know exactly the kinda vibe they hit - but fuck that. You wanna see what comes out of this woman on screen, you fucking watch. And don't go looking at trailers and reading. You don't want to know. Got a problem with vomitting on screen? AVOID THIS MOVIE. But that ain't nothing. Vomit. PSHAW! Vomit is normal. It's why some people, they can't even handle the word, VOMIT. But it ain't a huge thing in this one. No. It's the other holes. It just ain't right.
I mean. I love my wife. But maybe this could happen. My female friends that love horror... They're gonna eat this up like fine caviar with Champagne! Don't get me wrong, they'll totally be repulsed, horrified... They'll scream at several moments. I know Diva Del Mar and Annette Kellerman. Annette is a Dental Hygenist... Diva... she's in a covert business that requires international transit often. They both rule. But this movie. It'll be their candy of choice! And that will be a great night of movies, I can see it clear as day. And if you have friends like that. Friends that you watch ASH VS THE EVIL DEAD with. Friends that watch all the grossiest shit with... both good and bad, but ya really love it when one freaks you all out with special sauce? That's this one.
The lead actress is named Elma Begovic... this was her very first film. She already has 3 other horror films all in some state of post production. I get it. This actress isn't in a very pretty role. There are those moments... early. When the sun was shiny and the water looked so good and the liquor flowed like water... She's gorgeous. But she endured hours of really good make up, and gave us something that at times reminds me of some of that movement and in a more subtle naturalist application of MEG MUCKLEBONES of LEGEND. Maybe it's just me, but like... if this thing were allowed to continue to evolve... JESUS.
Ok, I think writing this was good for me. I think I can actually get into bed with those stunning creatures in the bedroom now. But ya know... if I smell anything out of the ordinary or there is any fucking slime in bed, I'm gone.
I sincerely don't recommend searching for pictures or even looking at a trailer. Going in completely cold on this one is best! Here's the only non-makeup photo I could find:
Most of the images I found online were a mid-period state of make up for the lady above. Things progress, but still, I'm so glad I had no idea where this was going. Just look at that face and think MEG MUCKLEBONES. And a great genre twist. May 6th. Giggle.
