ekm’s 31 DAYS OF THE FOURTH: EPISODE 6 – HEIR TO THE EMPIRE (1991)
In the spring of 1991, I was skateboarding at the mall with my friends and acting more or less like the juvenile delinquent I was. Eventually we went inside and walked around from store to store, because 1) we were fifteen, 2) we’d blown all our quarters at the arcade, and 3) chicks dig guys prowling around the food court with skateboards.* During our travels, we passed Waldenbooks, and as my eyes scanned the New Release shelves for the latest Stephen King (or one of those fucking SHANNARA books that filled the Tolkien void in much the same way a Big Mac satisfies an appetite for filet mignon), I saw something that immediately caught my eye. I walked -- nay, I ran! -- to see, touch, smell, and own it.
I saw HEIR TO THE EMPIRE.
So let’s set the stage for those of you who weren’t around at the time. You have to understand: STAR WARS was dead at this point. There weren’t any cartoons; there hadn’t been a comic book since Marvel cancelled the title several years prior; there wasn’t anything. Even BANTHA TRACKS, the STAR WARS fan club newsletter, had morphed into a pseudo-INDIANA JONES publication before quietly closing up shop for good. The period between the release of JEDI in 1983 and the publication of HEIR TO THE EMPIRE in 1991 is commonly considered a wasteland in the history of STAR WARS: a graveyard period in which what was once the biggest thing in the world was now, at best, forgotten. At worst, it was something that got you stuffed in your locker when bullies found out you still watched that dumb baby shit. If you were ‘cool,” maybe you could get away with it…like, maybe if you rode a skateboard…? And carried it around the food court…?
So yeah: STAR WARS was dead. And this book is unquestionably what brought it back to life.
Maybe that last point helps to explain the very weird cult of worship that’s sprung up around Timothy Zahn’s trilogy of books, comprised of HEIR TO THE EMPIRE, DARK FORCE RISING, and THE LAST COMMAND. Yes, there’d been SPLINTER OF THE MIND’S EYE right after STAR WARS was released (which also served as the template for a low-budget sequel should the first movie prove a flop). There were also two largely-unrelated-to-the-saga trilogies about Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, respectively, written by Brian Daley. All seven books were fun but disposable, and at this point, old. HEIR TO THE EMPIRE and the books that followed were different.
Above and beyond the needs of a small but cultish community clamoring for product, there was an additional point that has to be underlined here. This wasn’t simply “new” STAR WARS merchandise. This was – technically -- the Sequel Trilogy we’d always heard was going to happen until suddenly we heard it wasn’t. HEIR TO THE EMPIRE began the continuing adventures of Luke Skywalker, post-JEDI, signed off on and authorized by George himself. This latter point also raised a number of questions that would later become topics of debate -- namely, what constitutes STAR WARS canon? A Lucas stamp of approval carried weight, but as we’d learn, Zahn’s trilogy was not what Lucas claimed he’d had in mind for EPISODES 7, 8, and 9; these tales had sprung entirely from the mind of their author. More on this at a later date.
The basic plot is this: it’s five years after the events of RETURN OF THE JEDI. A hot chocolate-drinking Luke Skywalker is training Leia to use the Force and swing a lightsaber, which seems a questionable decision given that she’s preggo with Jedi twins and a leading member of the New Republic.** Han Solo, meanwhile, has become a neutered, Aw Shucks diplomat-in-training who just sort of Yes, Dears his way through the story; his main contribution to the plot is impregnating Leia (which happened before the book started anyway), leaving him little to do but offer exposition.
Meanwhile, the remnants of the Empire have assembled under the leadership of blue-skinned, red-eyed, Grand Admiral Thrawn. We learn that he’s a military strategist who utilizes his enemies’ art and culture as a means of more efficiently destroying them (?), which is probably the first and last time anyone has ever thought to do this, ever. Thrawn locates a mentally-deranged former Jedi Master named C’baoth (originally devised as an insane clone of Ben Kenobi), and recruits the cantankerous coot to his cause by offering to deliver both Luke Skywalker and Leia’s unborn twins so they can all do Jedi stuff. During the interim, Thrawn keeps C’baoth under his thumb with the assistance of lizards called ysalamiri who secret Force-dampening pheromones. Lots of dumb shit happens, and we’re eventually introduced to the future love of Luke’s life, Mara Jade, a former assassin for Emperor Palpatine; and there’s Talon Karrde, a cocky substitute for Han Solo, since Han Solo really isn’t Han Solo anymore. And…that’s kind of it.
There’s no real story here. Thrawn finds some old mega-awesome Star Destroyers and wants to overthrow the New Republic. Sure, you get some business with Leia becoming Queen of the Runty Grey Assassin Vader Worshippers (Noghri), while Mara Jade is struggling to overcome mental programing that’s compelling her to kill Luke Skywalker. But none of it really goes anywhere interesting. It’s an interminable slog through three books of the exact same political bullshit everyone would later complain about in the Prequels. “There’s a traitor in our midst! Who could it be?” The answer isn’t remotely interesting, mostly because it’s a new character we don’t even care about, and the fact that it’s telegraphed from the very beginning of the first book, anyway. Conversely, our familiar heroes -- Luke, Leia, Han, Lando and Chewie -- don’t experience any growth or change. The status quo remains. It all just starts, and then, much, much later, ends.
My favorite bit (SARCASM ALERT) is when C’baoth reveals his diabolical plan at the climax of the third installment. A clone of Luke (“Luuke”) who has been grown from Skywalker’s severed hand shows up as a MAJOR PLOT TWIST, GUYS -- and then he dies on the very next page. Questions remain! Who found the hand? Were they looking for it? Why? Did an Ugnaught discover it stuck in a ventilation shaft? How did they know who it belonged to? Did they post a Craigslist ad asking if there were any missing hands in need of reclaiming? How much did they get for it? I’m sure there’s whole trilogy written about these events, and I’m also glad I haven’t read it. I prefer it to remain a good question…for another time.
I’m only being partly sarcastic when I crack wise about another trilogy spinning off from a minor subplot. These books were huge. The THRAWN TRILOGY, as it’s known amongst fans, launched an endless sea of STAR WARS novels that not only continued the new and ongoing continuity, but filled in perceived gaps in the backstory we all know and love. Did you know, for example, that R5-D4 -- the droid whom Luke and Uncle Owen were originally about to purchase -- committed suicide so that R2 could get the Death Star plans to Ben Kenobi? Or that bounty hunter IG-88 uploaded his consciousness into the second Death Star, and he was about to take command and go around blowing everyone up when his effort was thwarted at the last moment by Lando’s attack? Did you know that? Did you want to know that? Well, now you do, and I’ll bet you wish you didn’t. Blame Zahn’s books for opening a door best left closed…a door that ultimately led to Leia’s courtship-by-gun-to-the-head, and Chewbacca’s death when a planet falls on his head (or something). As I understand it, the author of the latter work – as well as the publishing division -- received death threats (probably from people wearing homemade Jedi robes). Everyone was cool with the creepy Leia stuff, though, because, hey -- it was the 90s.
I often argue with fans over the merits of these books. It’s agreed that, across the board, they’re inconsistent in quality; but apart from SHADOWS OF THE EMPIRE (more on that later), the general consensus is that the THRAWN TRILOGY is a must-read, and right up there with the STAR WARS trilogy of films in terms of quality and importance.
I completely disagree.
Aside from the fact that I think it’s actually a pretty lame story, stretched thin to fill three books (seriously, there’s one novel’s worth of material in the whole thing), there’s also a curious tilt toward science fiction. It’s not even just the tone; it’s baked right into the narrative. A lot of people forget that STAR WARS was not sci-fi; it was “space fantasy.” There’s a distinction. This wasn’t STAR TREK, where importance was placed on the actual physics of the space crafts, and the biological and socio-political plausibility of the alien cultures as depicted. STAR WARS was LORD OF THE RINGS in space. Wizards with rocket boosters. Timothy Zahn may be a respected sci-fi author, but his background betrays itself almost immediately.
Right off the bat, the first time we see Luke, he’s saying good-bye to the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda, who are vanishing into the netherworld forever. Next, the ysalamiri lizards are introduced to almost completely remove the Force (aka magic) from the narrative. All things supernatural or quasi-religious are gone; mystic philosophy is replaced by military strategy and political intrigue. This sets the trend for the books that follow: the POW ZAP GEE WIZ Saturday afternoon serial aspect is replaced by hard, cold, Arthur C. Clark-style storytelling about a bunch of boring people with hard-to-pronounce names, talking on spaceships.
It isn’t STAR WARS.
Still, the one good thing to come out of HEIR TO THE EMPIRE is that it was a New York Times bestseller, and it brought STAR WARS back from beyond the grave, thus paving the way for the SPECIAL EDITIONSand the Prequels and oh my God what the fuck am I saying…?
*They don’t. Later I would mistakenly reimagine this as “chicks dig guys prowling around the food court with guitars. Same shit; different shovel.
**Pregnant women probably shouldn’t risk 1) harming their unborn children by engaging in acrobatic fencing routines; or 2) impulsively signing off on legislature that may start a civil war, simply because of bizarre mood swings that are exacerbated and compounded by a mastery of The Force.
Erik Kristopher Myers (aka ekm)
@ekmyers
https://www.facebook.com/ekmyers
