Welcome back to FRIGHT FIGHT FRIDAY! Today is round # 3 of the ALIEN bracket! The Predator defeated the Xenomorph in round #1 and in round #2 Critters pulled the upset over JoJo that Klownzilla! To brush up on the rules click here! To catch up on past fights, click here and type in FRIGHT FIGHT FRIDAY!
Today we have 2 of the most famous, and unique aliens facing off against each other for your twisted entertainment!
Let’s get down to business!
THE THING
You may think you know The Thing, but the thing about The Thing is, there’s a thing… You see nobody knows what its true form was. I say was because it evolved. Many times, and over many centuries. So, what it was is not what it is, and what it is, is not what it will be. Still with me? Good. Nobody knows exactly how old it is.
Found inside of a crashed alien ship in the frozen wastes of Antarctica, The Thing is one dangerous being. It replicates its victims perfectly on a cellular level and can even retain their memories. The only goal is self-preservation and replication.
The larger the being The Thing replicates the stronger it will be. A human replicate has been shown to be especially strong. The Thing is no dumb creature, either. It can be very cunning and even knows not to assimilate dead bodies because it would arouse suspicion. Preferring to stay hidden it will use stealth and wit to wait for the right moment but if cornered, it will fight.
Once alone with its next victim, The Thing will split open and grab hold with its tentacles. It can withstand extreme cold but is vulnerable to fire and explosions. If you do blow it though, make sure its 100% dead though because if even 1 cell survives, it would be able to get into something and replicate it, taking it over cell by cell. If unleashed on the planet it could easily wipe out humanity. Yeah, The Thing is no joke.
THE BLOB
Beware, The Blob! Enveloping our hearts in its thick, gelatinous, viscous brand of translucent terror since 1958! Such a simple monster concept, you may think it was the product of an adolescent imagination. Actually, The Blob was based on a real-life Police report! Seriously!
For the unfamiliar imagine a big glob of Jello. Only this Jello is acidic and immediately starts digesting anything unlucky enough to get consumed by it. Yes, The Blob essentially functions as a big stomach. That’s never full. On steroids.
It came from inside a meteor and when first discovered, it was small and clear. After digesting its first victim, The Blob turned blood red and grew larger and larger with every “feeding” until reaching the size of a building. If even one tiny piece of The Blob is around, it will eventually attach to something and feed.
It is extremely vulnerable to cold however and can’t function in freezing temperatures. It has enough smarts to sneak up on its victims and was even able to come up with a plan to attack people inside of a building it had totally enveloped. Indestructible… Indescribable! Nothing can stop it!
FIGHT
It had been weeks since she had a decent meal. She knew what she signed up for, sure, but a girl could go crazy dining on nothing but Army rations and stale bread. Not to mention the loneliness.
The first week wasn’t bad. Actually, she enjoyed the time to herself. At first. The problem with time to yourself though is that eventually, you start thinking about… yourself. Silly things at first. Then darker, more serious shit.
You get into your head and once your trapped in there, good luck ever getting out. Most of our minds are a carnival of hedonistic, self-absorbed delusions. Not a place to get lost.
Jane looks at the small vial on the desk in front of her. Inside is a mucous-like substance, blood-red in color. “Where did you come from?” she asks aloud as she closes a manila folder marked “Top Secret.” The words ANTARTICA RESEARCH FACILITY are typed across the top in big letters.
She types the following email on her laptop.
TO: REDACTED
FROM: J.Sorensen@ARF.gov
SUBJECT: Progress Update: Week 4 (Classified)
BODY:
The “substance” retrieved remains “dormant” since being brought to the facility. All tests have come back inconclusive and at this time it is still unclear exactly what it is.
The “substance” appears to be of an organic nature but its genetic make-up does not match anything known to science. It is my professional opinion that it did not originate on Earth. At least, not most of it. Small traces of Human DNA were found but no explanation as to why or how it got there.
Further tests may yield more conclusive answers.
I will email updates next week.
Jane Sorensen, PhD
Research Leader
Antarctica Research Facility
She briefly considers adding “P.S. - Please deliver more better food”, then hits the “send” button with a small, but audible sigh. Beef stew tonight. Great...
She stands up, stretching before heading towards her quarters. “Ding!” The sound of an email coming from her computer turns her around. That was quick, she thinks as she walks back to the laptop.
FROM: REDACTED
SUBJECT: House Guests!
BODY:
Team of FOUR inbound to ARF…
ETA: 20 minutes.
Please accommodate until pick up can be arranged. Asses and report any and all injuries.
Your co-operation is assumed and appreciated.
REDACTED
The fact that the word assume came before the word appreciated isn’t lost on her as she shuts the laptop, considering the weight of having to house and feed a team of four men. With barely enough rations for herself, this was going to be a challenge.
Jane picks the vial up off the desk. She inspects the gelatinous substance with her eyes, wondering where it came from. What it was. She gets lost in thought as her mind tries to solve the mystery a hundred different ways. All at once.
The bang on the door jars her back to reality and the vial slips from her hand, falling to the floor. “No!” She tries reaching for it, but her reflexes aren’t what they used to be, and it shatters upon impact. She falls to her knees, grasping for the “substance” but it moves fast, avoiding her clutches.
“What the fu…” Her thought is interrupted by another bang on the door, louder this time. She turns her head towards the door briefly, then back to the floor. The “substance” now nowhere in sight.
“Hey, let us in! We got a man hurt out here!”
“Shit!” She yells out loud as she makes her way to the door. She looks at the video screen monitoring the door, 4 men. One being held up by the 2 in the back. One of them facing the camera speaking.
“Let us in, come on! We’re freezing and half-starved out here!”
The door opens and Jane appears, blocking the way in. “What’s wrong with him?”
“We were ambushed,” answers the man in front. “didn’t get a good look at whatever it was, but it got Dan here pretty good. He points back at the injured man, then turns back to Jane. “Ma’am, if we may.”
“Of course,” she answers motioning for them to come in. “I have some first aid supplies inside. Your men can get warm and have some tea while we attend to your friend.”
Jane is in the medical wing with the team leader. The injured man, Dan, is on the examining table. Jane places plastic gloves on her hands as she speaks. “So, what did you say did this to him?” Her eyes looking over his wounds.
“I didn’t say. Truth is, I don’t know. It was dark, and it was fast. We didn’t stick around to find out. It got Dan while our backs were turned, the son of a bitch.” He spits on the floor to emphasize his disdain.
“Hey, this is a medical facility!”
“Right. Sorry, it’s been a long few days. I thought were done for, thanks.”
“Glad to help.” She looks over the wounds again, as if unsure. “When did this attack happen?”
“Last night, but I think it had been following us for a while.”
“Last night, you’re sure?”
“Sure as shit, ma’am.”
“These wounds, they seem older than that.”
“It was last night, for sure.” He looks at her with uncertainty. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that either you’re mistaken, and this happened 2 maybe 3 nights ago… or your friend here has superhuman healing abilities.” She gestures for him to look closer as she cleans the wound on his chest.
“I’ll be damned, my boys a mutant!” He exclaims.
“Yeah, maybe,” she laughs. “Or, now stay with me, you got lost and were traveling for longer than you thought.”
“I’m a Navy Seal Ma’am, we don’t get lost.”
“Your friend will be fine. The wound is healing well, exceptionally well. I’m going to check on your friends, why don’t you stay with him until he falls asleep.”
Jane heads back out to the communal area as the man looks at his friend’s wounds one more time. He leans over and the man’s shoulder splits open with a damp, sickening pop. A tentacle shoots out, attaching to him before he can react. He struggles to get free, struggles as hard as he can as it lifts him off his feet. After a moment, the struggling stops…
Back in the communal area, the three remaining soldiers are sitting on the couch discussing their friend’s condition. Jane was off getting them bedrolls when their conversation is interrupted by something scurrying past one of their dirty boots. “What the hell?” The man in the middle reaches down just in time to grab ahold of it.
“What is it?” asks the one on the right.
“I don’t know. Probably some science shit.” He looks at the blood red blob in his hand.
“Let me see it.”
He tries handing it over, but it sticks to them both.
“What are you idiots doing?” The third man stands up, laughing at the situation.
“Shit, it burns!” He tries ripping his hand free, but it won’t budge. “Fu*k!”
“Get it off, get off!” The second man now yelling, too.
The pain is excruciating as they both fall to the floor. The Blob spreads as it feeds, growing larger while the third man looks on. His friends’ screams now muffled by the gooey, slimy liquid.
The blob, now the size of a small car, comes straight toward the man. Pieces of its meal are still visible through its opaque body. He backs up but with nowhere to go, is quickly overtaken by The Blob.
The door to the communal area opens with a hiss and the team leader steps through. He scans the room as if he’s gathering intel and then walks to the couch where the three soldiers had been sitting only minutes ago.
Nobody. They must be here. He will find them. And assimilate them.
Suddenly, a sound interrupts his thoughts. It seems to be coming from the drain on the floor. He gets down on all fours and places his face against the grate to listen.
Silence. Of course. He tries lifting his face, but a sharp pain stops him from pulling hard. Stuck. How? He pulls again, harder this time. The skin on his cheek tears as he screams in pain. Still no luck.
He feels it, whatever it is, spreading around his head. Then down his neck. The pain was great, but the curiosity was greater! He didn’t recognize this creature and “he” had replicated thousands of beings.
The Blob envelops him entirely. His smile fades only slightly as his body breaks down.
Something wasn’t right. The Blob couldn’t move. It was like something was changing it from the inside out, taking it over.
Jane, unaware of the events that had transpired, enters the room expecting to see weathered men, ready for sleep. Instead, she is greeted by a giant red mass sitting in the communal area, waiting. For her.
It had scanned the thoughts of the team leader and knew she had the passwords. She was the key. She could get someone of importance here. They could be replicated. Let it begin.
“What the hell?” She drops the bedrolls she is carrying and blinks her eyes as if trying to clear some internal glitch. Slowly, she walks towards it, ever the curious scientist. She wonders if this was the same thing inside the vial she dropped earlier. How amazing! As she ponders where everyone else went, a tentacle, grotesque and deformed, shoots out from inside “The Blob!” She screams but nobody is there to hear her as her cries echo off the cold, frozen walls.
To: REDACTED
FROM: J.Sorensen@ARF.gov
SUBJECT: IMMEDIATE ATTENTION REQUIRED (CLASSIFIED)
BODY:
I have discovered something amazing today! I dare not type it into an email for what it may mean for us all!
Please come in person, alone. This is of the utmost importance. I look forward to showing you what I have found… Come alone.
Jane Sorenson, PhD
Research Leader
Antarctica Research Facility
THE THING
There was no way for this to be a straightforward fistfight. The Blob doesn’t have fists, first of all, and neither of these creatures works like that. In the end, it came down to one simple fact about The Thing. It replicates its victim on a cellular level. Let me break it down. The Blob is basically a big stomach. It digests its prey very quickly, but not instantly. If The Thing has time to replicate just one cell, its game over. That’s what happened here. While The Blob was digesting the physical body that The Thing was “borrowing”, it was being changed. Cell by cell. The Thing takes this one. Science, bitch!
What do you guys think? Am I way off here or what? As always comment below and don’t forget to upvote your favorite fighter! See you next week for round #3 - SIL VS THE ENGINEER! That’s it for now but until next time, keep on geekin’ on my friends!
Joshua ”Prometheus” Scafidi
Follow me: @JoshuaScafidi
